The Most Dangerous Game (for teenagers)

What a clever title, eh? IT WORKS ON SO MANY LEVELS!

Making it in at number 3 on my Kindle reader is the HUNGER GAMES (preceded by Treasure Island and The French Revolution: A Short History [post soon to come]), a book with which all of the writers of this blog are familiar and one which no doubt (!) shall inspire some spirited conversations (at least it better, or I'm quitting this thing for good). Alrighty then! ON TO THE DISCUSSION!

First off, the pros:

I loved the context of the story. A dystopian America where some materialistic capitol in the Rocky Mountains (undoubtedly Denver [where are the Broncos?!]) has control over undefined border regions and exercises that dominion ruthlessly and popularly, an annual exercise of game theory where a completely random selection (not entirely actually, as the author takes great pains to emphasize) of the subjected populace is forced to duke it out in a ever-varied battle royale, and lots and lots of conflict. It is really difficult to imagine a cooler setting for such a story and Suzanne pulled it off in a believable but still ethereal fashion.

The heroine of the story was initially very very very cool. She was independent, very capable, and driven to good works despite a treacherous and unforgiving environment. She hunted, killed, cared for her family, and provided a character very much worth rooting for. HOWEVER, I felt like Suzanne did a little too much to make Katniss more teenage(ish) and more popularly pliable, and the absence of those characteristics were exactly what I found most engaging about the character in the beginning. Further elaboration shall follow, but let me list one more strength.

The action was awesome. Whether Katniss was putting an arrow through her opponents throat or listening to the butchering of a nearby opponent, I felt like I was watching an action movie through my mind, and that is always a treat. Suzanne definitely did not fail to keep you in suspense.

The cons:

The very very stupid love triangle. Lame. Forced. Shallow. Predictable. I wish the element of the love triangle would have been thrown out two paragraphs after being penned, but such dreams turned fanciful in the face of an increasingly hollow love story where I think we have to admit that the author tried way too hard to fabricate something that was completely unnecessary to an otherwise strong story.

The teenage element. I know this is a weak criticism due to the pop-teenage nature of the novel, but I still hold to it. I felt like the author would deviate from her strengths in suspense story-telling to over-emphasize some feature I'm sure she felt needed shoring up, and these seemed to particularly concern the nature of Katniss' feelings. It seemed like there were two Katniss characters, the action hero and the teenage girl, and they didn't seem to be two sides of a single coin so much as substance and shadow.

The predictability of the novel. I know you all agree, but this novel was pegged from pg. 20. The moment you are introduced to a character you know whether they'll live or die (and most of the time in what order [comparatively speaking]) and you also know what the story shall unfold to. It's kind of like opening a present whose contents are mostly known, it just becomes a matter of which flavor.

So there. It was overall a good book, but it could have been better. Much better. I don't feel like I wasted time reading it but I don't feel overly enthused to read the sequels (though I'm certainly more excited to read them than the Harry Potter books)....

VICTORY

I finished Middlemarch! 800 pages of White Middle Class Problems, my favorite! In all seriousness, though, Middlemarch is a great book about a provincial town in 1830s England and all the juicy gossip/scandal/Reformation, et cetera, that happens in and around it. It follows several overlapping storylines about various families and their attempts to marry off their daughters, find employment for their sons, save their farms, and other such business.

It was great! The best way I could describe it would be to say it's like a Jane Austen novel but times four. The payoff was amazing in the end, I was really emotionally invested in a lot of the characters' futures (especially MARY GARTH, this plain, poor girl who is super sarcastic and super witty and she's my hero because despite her plainness she manages to ensnare two hot catches).

The writing was excellent. George Eliot was super profound and incisive. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book:

"A kind Providence furnishes the limpest personality with a little gunk or starch in the form of tradition."

"Signs are small measurable things, but interpretations are illimitable."

"We mortals, men and women, devour many a disappointment between breakfast and dinner-time."

"People were so ridiculous with their illusions, carrying their fool's caps unawares, thinking their own lies opaque while everybody else's were transparent, making themselves exceptions to everything, as if when all the world looked yellow under a lamp they alone were rosy."

"People glorify all sorts of bravery except the bravery they might show on behalf of their nearest neighbors."

And a quote by Mary Garth, number one BAMF:

"Husbands are an inferior class of men, who require keeping in order."

YOU TELL EM MARY.

All in all, it was great, such an endeavor! Next up on my roster is Don Quixote, so don't expect to hear from me for several months.

THERE BE PIRATES HERE! YA HAR!!!

Treasure Island! Thar she be! Booty galore if we do our dooty (or take our dooty into ar own ands! YARR!)!

I had not read this book in somewhere close to 12 years, but when I saw it for free on the Kindle App store (which is awesome by the way) I couldn't resist. It's not very long, it's totally written for kids, but from start to finish it involves action, pirates, conspiracy (and counter-conspiracy), death, battle, sailing (though not very well described [come on Robert!]), and absolutely no romance. What more could a boy want from a book?

For those of you who have read it I won't rehash the story, and for those who haven't I won't spoil the wonderful story. It sufficeth me to say that it is a short story about a group of Englishmen who set sail for an island whereon a gruesome and bloodthirsty pirate named Captain Flint buried loads of monies and their attending adventures. There is much death, much action, and much intensity.

While it doesn't quite rise to the depth of character development of my treasured Master and Commander series, it is a short book after all and meant for the entertainment of a considerably younger audience. As soon as my kids are able to read they're going to be given this book as the harbinger of adventures to come!

9.5/10!

The Elegant Universe

The universe, when examined on a near-infinitely small scale, is composed of one-dimensional strings which vibrate at various frequencies and through whose vibrations the entire universe with its attending matter, gravity, energy, etc. is composed.

That is the basic gist of this pop-science read. It's a good book and I enjoyed getting the readers-digest version of what must be mounds and mounds and mounds of equations and theorizing. I must admit that several of the sections flew right through my cranium without any lasting stick, but on the whole it was quite the learning experience.

In my opinion, the best part of the book was his summary of Einstein's theories of general and special relativity. He did a phenomenal job at explaining why light will always appear to be going at the speed of light no matter our speed, how time is an extra dimension within which we all live and operate, how things like Black Holes do zany things to contemporary theories of the universe, and how string theory could solve all our problems.

For those of us interested in astronomy and the workings of the universe, I recommend this book!

8/10

I really should be spending this time moving but whatever

Well, I couldn't resist. The siren song of Disney-related lists drew me back, even though the last one took me a good 2 1/2 hours to complete. I'll only pick five and the descriptions for my five won't be as in-depth as Ken's, but I'll compensate by naming my other favorite things villains do, like songs and lines.

And thanks a lot for getting me on the blog, Ken. Now thanks to you I've lost countless precious minutes of my life to compiling lists, minutes which could have been spent playing videogames or spying on the neighborhood children. That enough of a thank you for ya?

Favorite Villains
1. Scar - Not that I'm gay, but I want to make out with Jeremy Irons. And I want to make sweet whoopie to his voice. Now that's out of the way, Scar was such a douche; I remember the scene where Simba is nuzzling his dad and Scar emerges from the mist and says, "Simba... what have you done?" and I was like "Scar, why are you such a douche?! You just killed his dad and now you're making him feel the guilt! Stop douching it up!" That is the perfect scene in establishing what a sinister character he was, not to mention the "Long the live the king" line.
Favorite line: "Yes. As you wish... your majesty!"

2. Oogie Boogie - Remember that first scene, where you don't see Oogie at first, you just see his shadow and then that bug get sucked out of the cage? So effective. That scared me just as much as any reveal would have. And I love the look and color palette, all bright buzz saws and skeletons lit by blacklights, like a medieval torture/rave chamber. Plus his death was pretty funny.
Favorite line: "J-Jack! But they said you were dead! You must be... double-dead!!"

3. Shere Khan - One thing I love in a villain is suavity and poise; nothing's more frightening than a man who'll bludgeon you to death with a shoe and then casually wipe his hands off with a handkerchief afterward. I'll forgive any atrocity as long as it's committed by someone with good manners. And Shere Khan is the suavest mofo in the jungle, even though he's a blood-thirsty carnivore hungry for manflesh. Sheer brute force + the manners of an English nobleman = good times. And you know what's funny? On the Rotten Tomatoes website, George Sanders' little thumbnail picture is Shere Khan (go to 'All About Eve' to see what I mean). I wonder how it feels to have such a respected career as a stage and film actor and then have the picture representing you be an animated tiger. He's either really flattered or really annoyed up in Actor Heaven.
Favorite line: "You have spirit for one so small. And such spirit is deserving of a sporting chance."

4. Ursula - Though she may place fourth on my list, her laugh is the greatest of all time. Excuse me, her cackle. That, combined with her hair and her dramatic nature, puts her high on my list. And that final scene where she's huge and evil and then gets impaled by the ship is pretty intense.
Favorite line: "It's time for Ursula to take matters into her own tentacles!"

5. Hades - One word: hilarious. That is all.
Favorite line: Do I have to pick just one? Alright then.
Hercules: People are... are gonna get hurt, aren't they?
Hades: Nah. I mean, it's, you know, it's a possibility. It happens 'cause, you know, it's war, but what can I tell ya. Anyway, what do you owe these people, huh?

Honorary mention: Dr. Facilier
So much wasted potential. I felt like they went to all this work to give this guy a great voice, great animation, great backstory, great song, and then they just left him out to dry. He deserved way, way more screen time than he got. And the whole time I was hoping for a titanic showdown where he faced off against Mama Odie. But nope, he just sings a song, dances a bit, shows occasionally to remind you of his evil intentions, and then gets dragged off to voodoo hell. Very disappointing. But I don't care who you are, his shadow moving around and obeying his will is all kinds of awesome.

Favorite song: "Oogie Boogie's Song"

Favorite death: Although I've only recently seen it, I loved the originality of Gothel's demise in "Tangled". Her plummeting to Earth and you expecting her to hit the ground, but instead she evaporates in midair and only her cloak lands. That was sweet.

Favorite Kingdom Hearts battle: Definitely the fight against Captain Hook, where you're flying through the air around his ship and he's leaping after you, swinging his sword and cursing you and your friends.

Favorite actor who makes me question my sexuality: Jeremy Irons, though Steve Woods comes in close second.

Best fight scene: Maleficent vs. Prince Philip. Classic, epic dragon on knight action never gets old, especially not when it's done by Disney and his team at the top of their game.

Top Ten Vilians!

"Well Ken, we sure are impressed to see how you singlehandedly resuscitated an otherwise crumbling blogging community.

"Thank you noble fans. I too am astounded at my seemingly unlimited potential to summon within others powers they never dreamed of utilizing without my impetus.

"You are great. We appreciate all you do.

"Again, thank you noble fans."

WHAT IS INTERESTING IS THAT I NEVER HEARD THIS IN ALL YOUR POSTINGS AND RESPONSES TO MY AWESOME POST! All you did was criticize and whittle! That's it! What kind of noble fans are you?! THE WORST KIND!

Really though, if given another opportunity I would make a few changes to my Disney list. But I feel that the lists we compiled in so many ways reflect our personalities (with the placement of Peter Pan being indicative of one's propensity for adventure [suck that AJ!]!) and that my list especially reveals the inner ethos of my persona.
So, instead of revising, I'm going to continue this listing with my top ten villains of all time! Kelsi said she and Luke had discussed this and I felt I should continue my pattern of trend-setting and get a headstart on everyone.
Before I begin, I must explain this list. Especially with bad guys we have to define those characteristics by which we are assessing the performance of those we rank. For example, do we value those who are truly the most vicious and evil? Or those best able to carry out their diabolical intentions? Or those who we like the most? So many questions, and I was unable to isolate a single series of factors by which to determine my ranking, so I'll just say that this is a completely subjective valuation of who I felt were the best Disney villains in strengthening the story and projecting their dominance through their machinations. That said, let us tarry forth! ON WE GO!

10. Gaston. Ah yeah. The man's man turned bad man is definitely going to make my villain list. Gaston had some evil moments and his fight with the Beast was awesome, if only b/c you couldn't believe there was a human being tough enough to take on the bear/wolf/sasquatch that the Beast was, but for the most part Gaston makes the villain list for being such a strong addition to the story. His song about himself was awesome, his ability to incite a mob was eery, and his blind ambition to obtain the prettiest girl in all the province is intimidating. Gaston showed that a real hunter doesn't just go chasing after ducks and other defenseless fowl, he pursues with relentless absurdity anything that catches his attention and doesn't rest until he is satisfied. For those characteristics, Gaston begins my villain list.

9. Dr. Facilier, aka The Shadow Man. Another villain who, while creepy, is on the list for his ability to help drive the story. The Shadow Man proved to my soul that while Disney would let an otherwise promising project misfire and consign itself to 2D obscurity, they still knew how to conjure up an awesome bad guy. The song "I Got Friends On the Other Side" goes down as one of my most favorite Disney songs of all time, period. It may even top the list for best songs performed by a villain (being in close competition with Gaston's self-promoter). He managed to add spice to a film that I otherwise could not really enjoy and displayed a conflicting character seeking to balance being in control with being subjected to debts beyond his ability to repay. It was a great lesson on making deals with the devil. So thank you, Shadow Man, for helping me partially enjoy what should have been a more epic experience.

8. Monstro. Why whaling doesn't get a worse rap: too many peoplehave seen Pinocchio and think anything which is an enemy of Monstro is a friend of man. I watched a short clip of Monstro's awakening and realized that as a kid I truly couldn't imagine a terror more real than being trapped at sea with an unstoppable leviathan bent on my consumption. Monstro was so terrifying in part because he was portrayed to be so completely evil. You are shown no emotional side of Monstro, only the workings of a creature bent on destruction. He's bad. Very Bad. And Free Willies the world over have suffered a cruel rap at the hands of this villain's image.

7. Hades. You know we can't discuss villains without discussing how awesome James Woods was as the Lord of the Greek Underworld. He was entertaining, evil, and as all other good Disney villains are, hell-bent on conquest and domination. He got a bad rap from his all-powerful older brother and spent eons in the deep dark recesses of the world's abysmal spirit caverns. While many things in Hercules are sure to bother even the most elementary of Greek enthusiasts, you couldn't help but love Hades and his unfailing ability to make you crack a smile as he was cracking wise and plotting big. Also, the scene with the Titans where Hades informs them that Olympia is in the opposite direction of their terrorizing is priceless.

6. Queen Grimhilde. Vanity, thy name is Queen Grimhilde. This villain was brought to ruin by

her consuming desire for comparative beauty and it drove her to such undreamable heights as the attempted murder of the fairest, most innocent, and highest-pitched-voice damsel in the kingdom! It was tragic to watch the heights (literally) she went to in order to bring to pass her maniacal plans to fruition.

Also, Luke said he wished that Disney wouldn't have killed her off in her ugly period, but I think that was very poignantly deliberate. Moral lessons go to great lengths to help us visualize the effects of sin and vice, and I think Disney was going for the throat in demonstrating that the Evil Queen, while 2nd most beautiful, was 1st in the inner ugliness department, and she would die that way.

5. Jafar. I love how we've nearly universally acclaimed the racist and sexist stereotype Disney presented and lambasted in the character of Jafar. He has everything all the character traits that we despise: he looks like a snake, he views women as objects of man's desire and nothing more, he plots against the rightful (though bumbling) sovereign, and he taunts in puns (thanks for pointing that out Luke!). Not only that, but Jafar has one of the most entertaining sidekicks in the Disney pantheon, and their duo never seemed to quit dealing out domination and entertainment throughout the Aladdin sojourn.

4. Captain Hook. What is it with Disney villains and their obsession with some unobtainable quest? It seems that when Disney was founded Walt sat everyone down and said, "Listen, in every movie we make that is worth anything at all, I want you to insure that the villain is consumed with something antithetical to the cause of goodness. Don't make them dabblers, make them manics, and we will define villainy forever!" I don't know if he really said that, but he sure drove home the point with each of my preceding choices, and Captain Hook is no different. He lost a hand and he couldn't let it go (get it?!) and it took him from the position of a respected and wealthy plunderer to a scared ninny constantly on the run from an equally terrifying crocodile. I love the delivery of Captain Hook. He was the gentleman villain. While he wasn't afraid to break a promise or push the bounds of villain propriety, he still managed to stay clean shaven and well groomed. I also can't help but think that Disney wanted people to compare Cpt. Hook to the bungling French attempts to defeat the obvious English/American adventuring type represented by Peter Pan. WE KNOW THEY COULD NEVER TAKE US!

3. Cruella de Vil. While Cruella de Vil doesn't take home the prize for top villain in my list, I cannot deny her ubiquitous presence in the ethos of Disney villainy. She is by far the most recognized of the Disney villains, her tribute song is the most well known (it has its own jingle for crying out loud!), and her polar bear fur coat insures that she will continue to be hated as our society grows increasingly environmentally conscious (at least we tell ourselves we're more environmentally conscious). I wish I enjoyed 101 Dalmations more. I'm sure that if I did Cruella could have reached that infamous apex reserved for the best Disney villain.

2. Scar. Scar is second only to one in taking home the prize of best villain in my estimation. He perfectly personifies everything that we hate in villains: he's brilliant, ruthless (even to the point of killing his own brother, and attempting the lionicide of his nephew), he beats on women, subjects all to his will, and sings a piece featuring prominent Nazi and North Korea allegories throughout! Not only that, but Jeremy Irons delivered such a flawless performance that it was difficult at times to not root for Scar out of sheer love for his animating personality.

The moment when Scar digs his claws into Mufasa's desperate paws as he attempts to escape and whispers into his ears, "Long, live, the King" and then releases him to the wildebeast's stampede shall go down as one of the pinnacle moments of Disney film, and only a villain such as Scar voiced by a legend such as Jeremy Irons have pulled it off.

1. Maleficent. Bret told me when we were young that if he ever owned a boat or was captain of some ship he would name it Maleficent, and a casual glance at any Disney poster featuring this villain yields a persuasive justification. Maleficent demonstrated that true villainy, properly executed, can inspire unparalleled fear in the masses of children fortunate enough to purview a glimpse of true evil which will forever alter their perception of the world. Maleficent singlehandedly persuaded me to hate darkness, brambles, statues, crows, women magicians, dragons that weren't voiced by Sean Connery, and unholy flame, and those prejudices shall accompany me into my grave (wherein Maleficent shall have her final victory as my body is engulfed in darkness until the resurrection of our Lord commences for God's children). I cannot adequately describe what an effect she had on me, but to say that she defines the term villain is a gross understatement. When she emerges from her spell transformed into a dragon I admit that I still get just a bit squeemish (though I'm totally ready to rock on and take her on in whatever form of heroism such a feat entails).

I also love that Maleficent was ultimately defeated by the forces of righteousness and truth (with its obvious Christian overtones) and that while she was in her most absolutely abominable form.

SO THERE! Again I am the trend-setter! Let's see your responses to that!