oh the places we will go....

Box Office Poison / Tricked

2011-09-17T08:59:00.004-06:00

So at the beginning of the semester I picked up a graphic novel called "Tricked", by Alex Robinson. It followed six random people living in New York and showed how their lives intersected, merged, and finally exploded together in the finale. I really loved the art and I reallllly loved the characters, so I recently picked up another graphic novel by Alex Robinson, "Box Office Poison".

"Box Office Poison" is a mammoth, 600-page series of comic anecdotes about a large cast of characters--in a similar style to "Tricked", it follows a wide range of people, some connected, some not, who enter into relationships and make important decisions in New York. They have to deal with insecurity and break-ups and career dead ends.

Am I making this sound boring? It's not boring. Alex Robinson excels at developing likable, believable, varied characters. The relationships he builds are realistic and heartbreaking, at times. The art style is interesting and clean (all black and white, sharp lines, et cetera). He develops the story-lines in surprising and satisfying ways.

It was quite a read, though--600 pages ain't no joke. For that reason, I wouldn't recommend it to non-comic readers. But it still deserves at least 4 out of 5 stars.

Bloody 'ell/ Jolly Good

2011-09-10T23:52:00.001-06:00

Well Now this Sherlock show is very good Kelsen thank you and well done.
Likes: I'm always a sucker for classic stories set with a different backdrop. For example I hated The Importance of Being Ernest when I saw it at the Hale Theater. Why? Because they copied the movie with Reese Witherfork to the extreme point of even casting a girl who looked exactly like her in the corresponding role. They even extended their obscene lack of originality by pointing out in the playbill that the similarity between the girl cast and Reese WitheringHeights. I wanted to vomit. If it were me I would have made The Importance of Being Ernest crazy good by making the characters gothic kids, or at least emo brats. So Ernest when in town would be goth but normal when Jack and not in town, Algernon would be emo, as would Cecily (Her rebellious nature showing expressing itself in emo style), Gwendolyn would be punk rocker but stylish buying her threads at Hot Topic, yet secretly wishing to go darker, and Lady Bracknell would, of course, be flaunting classic Victorian style, umbrella included (maybe 50's conservative (if I felt a little crazy)). The point being that I'm a sucker for pulling stories out of their traditional context. Even the 90's Romeo & Juliet, though not my fav I do give props to, and there's a version of Shakespeare's "As you Like it" that's set in Japan (I haven't seen it though I know it exists).
Casting. At first I thought the choice for Sherlock was an odd one. I've only seen that actor in one other thing. Being The Other Boleyn Girl where he played Scarlet JoHottissenn's (Who by the way is only 4 days younger than myself and a twin??) impotent husband. It's not an appealing role. But as it went on I became extremely pleased with the choice. You see our friend Jr. Robert is too endearing in his portrayal, this isn't a complaint he is superb in the role, but I liked how this other guy got under my skin a little bit. I loved the Watson guy he was great, he was such a conglomeration of traits, simultaneously exhibiting frailty and great strength, kinda goofy while at the same time stylish and attractive.
Not techy. Despite being set in the modern day I very much appreciated how they stayed focused on deduction and didn't bog the story down with technology. They stayed content with just a little cell phone use.
But most of all I loved that they swapped coke for nicotine patches!!! And that's all I really have to say on the matter.

A Life Reclaimed

2011-09-07T17:08:00.000-06:00

My life to be exact! Last night at about 1:30, well morning I guess, but when I say last night I almost always mean when I was asleep. I had watched the Kira Knightly movie version a little while ago and decided to pick up the book. It was so great. I constantly giggled and squirmed with all the delight of a the little school girl that I really am. But in all seriousness this book is truly classic and I'll tell you why. Most importantly it fully transports the reader to another place and time. Jane Austen's England might as well be planet zorcareshhemhemil as our own world a couple centuries ago. It provides a wonderful escape, and isn't that what books are for. Further the wit and humor is first rate, if you're following along. Once the characters are firmly established then the little witty side jabs can be fully appreciated. The first half of the book is enjoyed as Lizzy jabs Darcy, but the 2nd half is lovely as snooty little Lizzy gets her just rewards. Suspense. . . not joking. Allow me a comparison that is a cliche as I'm capable of. Pride and Prejudice is like a good romantic comedy. Naturally before the opening theme music and the sweeping scene of Manhattan pan across the screen, you know that the leading roles will find true love embodied in each other in the end. So why do you keep your seat, or not hit eject and put in a murder mystery? The journey, the bumps in the road. I'm not sure if Ms. Austen invented the layout for romantic comedies but it certainly hasn't altered at all since the late 1700's at least. Further this book is considered a "three volume" novel, and our good friend Oscar Wilde in his play, The Importance of Being Ernest, refers several times to a "three volume" novel in several different ways.
Finally I'm afraid I must drop a bomb, Elizabeth Bennett may be, just might, if I dare say, be a gold digger. At first Elizabeth's own "Pride" and "Prejudice" are kindled against Darcy because he's rich and slights her. Granted she does have a huge personal revelation of the introspective kind after reading Darcy's, "here's why I did what I did that you didn't like" letter. But! It isn't until she sees the grand estate of Pemberly that she begins to fall in love with Darcy, and finds herself the truest fool, thinking and I quote, "to be the mistress of a place like Pemberly might really be something" (not literally quote because I'm too lazy to look it up in the book) But after this grand sight that could have all been her's, well the "Proud" Darcy is nothing but amiabilities. Coincidence? I hope not.

Wait & Hope / Possible Spoiler Alert Ken!!

2011-08-27T23:17:00.000-06:00

The Count of Monte Cristo!!! I heard you may or may not be reading this book Ken if you are here's your spoiler alert. Finally I feel like I've read a good book, and it's been a long time since I had that feeling. This book had it all and then some, despite being abridged coming in just shy of 600 pages instead of the over 1000 page behemoth that the full version is. One thing that I loved was I kept getting sucked into the details of the Count's wealth and glamor and forgot that he was constantly master mining the destruction of all the people around him. Yet I must say that I was a bit disappointed with the way the three main targets just popped and fizzed away. But I feel that it is quite cohesive because at the time that all his schemes were coming to fruition he was distracted trying to tie up the unexpected backlash of said schemes. Which backlash is quite entertaining as the Count fancied himself all-knowing only to find out that his supposed omniscience fell short. Further I must admit that I got more into the side story of young Maxmillion Morrel and Valentine than I did the main story line. My only complaint was the end, I felt that Mercedes got a bit too much punishment for her crimes, which were nil, and I didn't care for the way the Count, "Sailed off into the sunset."
Overall though it was an awesome read. The whole book just flowed with a refreshing pace that held my attention and interest constantly through to the end. I read 600 pages of Monte Cristo in a fraction of the time it took me to read the last two books that were a fraction of the length. Why? Because it didn't suck it was so very good!!

PS: I liked my abridged version because it had endnotes that would quickly sum up plot points that I'm sure would have amounted to hundreds of excess pages in the full-length version.

American History

2011-08-22T21:12:00.002-06:00

Just a quick post to let everyone know I'm still alive and reading. I just finished His Excellency by Joseph J. Ellis, a biography about George Washington. Long story short: I now hate Madison, Jefferson, and Hamilton, but I really love Adams.

I checked out four new books from the library today and I already finished one (but it's a graphic novel, so I'll refrain from posting about it on here). So! Expect some renewed activity on the ol' blog from this girl.

I Really Mean It!!

2011-07-20T23:05:00.001-06:00

The Catcher in the Rye, or The Rye in the Catcher, or the rye catcher in the. . .
Well it took me about a million years to finish this book, I really mean it, I've been at it all summer. This book was a real pain in the ass, I really mean it, if you'd been reading it you'd think the same thing. I'm certain I been black listed for buying it, I'm not kidding, according to Mel Gibson I'm under government surveillance over it. Had I know I'd have paid cash but I haven't carried cash for million year, I'll tell ya I really haven't. Supposedly there's conspiracy and intrigue surrounding this novel but I don't care enough to look it up at the moment, I really don't. If somebody already knew the intrigue they could feel free to post it for me, I mean if they really knew or felt inclined. If no one gets around to it I'm certain I don't care and I'll show you by posting about it myself if I get motivated. I haven't been motivated for about a century, I really haven't, not since I was 11. I mean don't hold your breath if I don't get a post about the intrigue up first thing in the morning, I mean it don't.
For tonight I'll just sum the book. Like I said it's taken me a long time so I haven't read the thing as a whole, but in pieces. I have a feeling one could read a lot into the different parts and find deeper meaning. Yet this is all I managed to scrounge up.
At first young Holden drove me nuts on and on and round and round he rambled, never saying anything yet always trying to convince me he had. Never really feeling or meaning anything, but he always had to tell me he had. Then I finally figured out what the image on the cover was, a merry go round horse. Here I realized I was being taken for a ride. Like a merry go round Holden was taking me up and down and round and round in circles but we weren't going anywhere and at the end we were back to where we started. But as the gentle rise and fall of a neurotic mind rocked me like rolling ocean waves, I began to like ole Holden, but not too much, I really mean it. . . I'm sure his little sister is symbolic of his humanity which pulls him back from the brink of endless wandering (no doubt in his own mind) His hunting hat certainly represents something as well but I didn't pay enough attention to put my finger on a real idea. Overall it was not a bad read but definitely not a barn burner. I'm sure if you dug into expecting to find shiny nuggets of symbolic randomness one might be able to have their attention held for a noticeable amount of time. I'll admit I didn't give this book all I could have but I don't feel guilty about that, I'm not sure it deserved it in the first place. I really don't.

(This is the picture on the copy I have(I figured the first fit better with my overall critique))

Prague by Arthur Phillips: Lost Generation X

2011-07-14T20:05:00.003-06:00

Prague is the story of five Americans who arrive in Hungary in 1990, just as communism has collapsed in that country. These five are all young (in their mid- to late-twenties) and all are looking for different things in life: Scott's a carefree health nut who refuses to make friends or learn the native language, since he believes that making connections brings only stress and pain; John is Scott's younger brother who has followed him to Hungary in an attempt to reconcile their troubled past and develop a meaningful relationship; Emily, an all-American Midwestern from Nebraska who is hiding a pretty big secret within her wholesome demeanor; Charles, a budding capitalist and businessman who knows that there's fortunes to made in the newly free marketplace; and Mark, a gay historian who's both fascinated and tortured by the history behind everything, place, and person he comes across. The only thing these five share is their ironic worldviews, their desire to be part of something important, to live an eventful life, and (though none of them ever admit it) to have a sense of purpose. I'll spoil it for you right now and reveal that none of these characters ever attains anything that could be called meaningful, but that's not the point of the book - the point is to find out why they can't, don't, or won't find meaning.
These characters would be fascinating enough to follow, but the author spices up this book even more by occasionally detailing the history of locations the characters come across; for example, John starts living in an apartment complex that used to be the lavish house of a young nobleman who in 1850, shortly after his marriage, lost his stipend to his older brother because their father could afford to support one of them. So the younger brother starts plotting how, in that very house, he will kill his brother and earn the fortune that is rightly his. You would think that diversions into history like this would be an unnecessary distraction, but you'd be wrong and stupid. These historical short stories contribute a lot of the heart and meaning to the plot by reminding you that there's more to the world than the self-absorbed Gen-X'ers insist on.
I loved this book. It's rare that a book comes along that so perfectly describes not only the environment it's set in but also the time and mood. In other words, this is a picture perfect example of how to do atmosphere and do it right. Reading this book made me feel like I was walking down the cobbled streets of Budapest, taking in all the sights and smells the city had to offer. The last book I remember that transported me so effectively was 'The Sun Also Rises', a book that many reviewers compare to this one, and the comparison goes beyond the ability to establish atmosphere. Like that book it deals with affluent, young Americans going to a foreign country to experience the exotic and the unknown. Like that book it perfectly sums up the era it's set in and the characters it deals with. And like that book, it's sad and occasionally frustrating that the main characters never find any true meaning in their actions because they're too concerned with keeping cool a demeanor and drenching everything in irony. You may walk away from 'Prague' feeling like nothing was learned or gained by the characters, but you'll be extremely entertained the whole time. And hey, as an added bonus, you'll learn a little about Hungary's past.
So all in all, this book is great and I really want to have sex with it. I mean, two thumbs up.

Dystopian nonsense

2011-06-26T15:06:00.004-06:00

In the midst of slogging through Don Quixote, I felt the need for some mental relaxation. So, at Tasha's insistence, I picked up Divergent, by Veronica Roth.

It's a young adult novel set in a dystopian version of Chicago, where the citoyennes have split themselves into five factions. Each of the factions is devoted to the pursuit of the acquisition of one certain trait or virtue: the Dauntless pursue bravery, Abnegation (selflessness), Amity (peace), Candor (honesty), and Erudite (intelligence). Each of the factions has a certain role the have to perform in society: the honest rule on laws, the selfless govern, the brave protect. Citizens are free to choose one faction when they turn sixteen, but then they are stuck with that faction for life.

The story follows Tris, a girl who decides to leave her family behind in Abnegation and join Dauntless. She then has to deal with a rough-and-tumble initiation ceremony and an angst-ridden identity crisis where she discovers WHO SHE IS and WHO HER FRIENDS ARE.

Divergent had an incredibly interesting premise and LAME everything else. LAME characters, dialogue, love story. The pacing was awful-- Roth tried to cram way too many storylines into a short book. The main character was flat and I was unable to empathize with her. She completely wasted an awesome idea, which was exasperating.

Basically, Divergent was a poor man's Hunger Games-- just amplify the weaker parts and remove the sweet fight scenes and child deaths.

Don't read Divergent, everybody! It will just leave you frustrated and regretting the time you waste.

SCORE

Divergent by Veronica Roth: D-

The Road

2011-06-10T22:25:00.000-06:00

I read this back at the end of April first of May. I wanted to have it with me when I posted but it wasn't that amazing. I was in the book store and I wanted to find a book that I'd never heard of, meaning no movie, not a well known author, totally abscure. I grabbed the road and admit I was foolishly swain by the Pulitzer Prize mumbo jumbo on the top of the book. Yet despite my best efforts after I finished the book I read in the back that the author wrote, All the Pretty Horses (Movie staring Matt Damon and Penolope Cruz), and No Country For Old Men (the Cohen Bros Best Picture winner staring Tommy Lee Jones). Then surprise, surprise, this book is a major motion picture staring Viggo Mortensen. So abstract. . . yeah no. Anywho this book was quite a downer, which wouldn't have bothered me if it hadn't been so predictable. Life on the road in dominated by a post apocaliptic world that has been burned to grey ash, no critters about to eat. At one point the man a boy wandering down the road are ready to starve to death, before I got concerned I looked at the book and said, "hmmm not yet half way, they'll find a mormon bomb/food storage shelter" bit later BOOM! Underground shelter loaded with food. Before this they stumbled upon an old house open up the underground pantry to discover it full of people waiting to be eaten (best to keep them alive, keeps them fresh you know). Then the real kicker, they spy three people walking by two men and a pregnant women. Instantly I said, "They'll eat that baby as soon as it pops out" And yes I was three for three. Wander around, blah blah man destroy their world blah. But the most irritating parts of the book were when it would launch into some strange poetic kick. I'm sure there was something significant buried in these ramblings but I didn't care enough to explore deeper. And that sums up how I felt about the whole thing. Not bad but it never made me care, and the predictability just further distanced me emotionally from the whole experience.

A Tale of Two Stories (Or why Suzanne Collins should stick to action and leave depth to the poets)

2011-06-08T10:37:00.005-06:00

Again, my blog titles are awesome. I can't believe how proficient I am at winging out these loaded epitaphs.

Before I proceed to bag on the books and give my closing compliments I must admit that I knocked them out in two days, so I really have to admit that they made for quick and (for the most part) entertaining reading.

That said, let me continue my criticism from the last book. The reason I titled my post the way I did is that I felt that there was an incredible discord in Suzanne's writing from when she was describing the scenes of the Hunger Games to when she was pathetically attempting to construct a deeper narrative involving a sappy and overdone love triangle, an unbelievable political revolution, and the dynamics of teenagers and their ragin hormones.

The reason I loved the scenes with the Hunger Games is that they were written from a primal perspective, I'm following Katniss, the Hunter, the fierce and independent problem-solver who is just another animal in the midst of a scene of depravity and the fact that she cares about anything besides her personal survival is a triumph of humanity. Then I'm thrown into the mix with Katniss the teenager and finally Katniss the Mockingjay, and I have a really hard time not wanting to throw up at all the lame lines spewed by pretty much everyone.

I absolutely cannot stand to hear Katniss discuss how angry she is with District 13 for hanging back as they did rather than full-on engage the Capitol, and how angry she is with Haymitch for not saving Peeta, and how confused she is by all her feelings for everyone as revolutions transpire and people expire, it is too lame for my weak prose, but it sufficeth me to say that there were many moments where the excess made me give serious thought to reading the summary online and skipping all the terrible dialogue.

However, to counter my own criticism, I must admit that these books were written for teenagers and maybe that's the level that Suzanne wants everyone to engage on. I suppose it is a little ridiculous for me to huff and puff over a book that effervesces with teenage girl influence when the book was written for that very audience.

Still, it bothered me.

The other complaint I shall file is the absolute unbelievability of the revolution. It seemed more like the filming of an extended episode of 24 covering the war btwn two competing cable companies w/a mockumentary twist than a serious political movement. I suppose Suzanne is a novelist, not a social scientist, and while her literary betters could capture the essence of conflict in ways that make you wonder, I shouldn't hold it against her for failing to live up to the potential of her context. It just seems cartoonish, the whole affair, and not once did I take it seriously, kind of like watching an episode of Power Rangers.

However, those complaints listed, let me praise the action scenes and the heroine. I finished the two books within the space of 24 hours, and even though I was exasperated with the above-mentioned complaints almost to the point of abandonment, I kept reading and was amply rewarded with awesome drama in the conflicts portrayed. I loved how I could almost viscerally sense the smells of blood and roses, I could imagine the villains and mutts, the fog, the water, it was all so well described. And Suzanne's penchant for action sequences is undeniably.

With the major exceptions of the sappy love triangle, pathetic political posturing, and teenage bopping, Katniss was an awesome heroine. She was fierce, independent, and able to poke someone's eye with an arrow from 50 yards away with her magic talking bow. Very cool. I found myself continually rooting for her despite the circumstances and understanding her conflicted feelings in the midst of immoral demands on her character. It was very good.

Overall I'm glad I read the series, but I won't be rereading any but the Hunger Games in any foreseeable future. I appreciated Suzanne making the morals about the horror of conflict and war and the power of the will, but I think she strayed from a strong story line to one she couldn't manage as well. Ce la vie.

The books are scored as follows:

The Hunger Games 8.5 / 10

Catching Fire 6.5 / 10

Mockingjay 7 / 10

SO THERE!

The Most Dangerous Game (for teenagers)

2011-05-23T14:30:00.004-06:00

What a clever title, eh? IT WORKS ON SO MANY LEVELS!

Making it in at number 3 on my Kindle reader is the HUNGER GAMES (preceded by Treasure Island and The French Revolution: A Short History [post soon to come]), a book with which all of the writers of this blog are familiar and one which no doubt (!) shall inspire some spirited conversations (at least it better, or I'm quitting this thing for good). Alrighty then! ON TO THE DISCUSSION!

First off, the pros:

I loved the context of the story. A dystopian America where some materialistic capitol in the Rocky Mountains (undoubtedly Denver [where are the Broncos?!]) has control over undefined border regions and exercises that dominion ruthlessly and popularly, an annual exercise of game theory where a completely random selection (not entirely actually, as the author takes great pains to emphasize) of the subjected populace is forced to duke it out in a ever-varied battle royale, and lots and lots of conflict. It is really difficult to imagine a cooler setting for such a story and Suzanne pulled it off in a believable but still ethereal fashion.

The heroine of the story was initially very very very cool. She was independent, very capable, and driven to good works despite a treacherous and unforgiving environment. She hunted, killed, cared for her family, and provided a character very much worth rooting for. HOWEVER, I felt like Suzanne did a little too much to make Katniss more teenage(ish) and more popularly pliable, and the absence of those characteristics were exactly what I found most engaging about the character in the beginning. Further elaboration shall follow, but let me list one more strength.

The action was awesome. Whether Katniss was putting an arrow through her opponents throat or listening to the butchering of a nearby opponent, I felt like I was watching an action movie through my mind, and that is always a treat. Suzanne definitely did not fail to keep you in suspense.

The cons:

The very very stupid love triangle. Lame. Forced. Shallow. Predictable. I wish the element of the love triangle would have been thrown out two paragraphs after being penned, but such dreams turned fanciful in the face of an increasingly hollow love story where I think we have to admit that the author tried way too hard to fabricate something that was completely unnecessary to an otherwise strong story.

The teenage element. I know this is a weak criticism due to the pop-teenage nature of the novel, but I still hold to it. I felt like the author would deviate from her strengths in suspense story-telling to over-emphasize some feature I'm sure she felt needed shoring up, and these seemed to particularly concern the nature of Katniss' feelings. It seemed like there were two Katniss characters, the action hero and the teenage girl, and they didn't seem to be two sides of a single coin so much as substance and shadow.

The predictability of the novel. I know you all agree, but this novel was pegged from pg. 20. The moment you are introduced to a character you know whether they'll live or die (and most of the time in what order [comparatively speaking]) and you also know what the story shall unfold to. It's kind of like opening a present whose contents are mostly known, it just becomes a matter of which flavor.

So there. It was overall a good book, but it could have been better. Much better. I don't feel like I wasted time reading it but I don't feel overly enthused to read the sequels (though I'm certainly more excited to read them than the Harry Potter books)....

VICTORY

2011-05-16T15:07:00.003-06:00

I finished Middlemarch! 800 pages of White Middle Class Problems, my favorite! In all seriousness, though, Middlemarch is a great book about a provincial town in 1830s England and all the juicy gossip/scandal/Reformation, et cetera, that happens in and around it. It follows several overlapping storylines about various families and their attempts to marry off their daughters, find employment for their sons, save their farms, and other such business.

It was great! The best way I could describe it would be to say it's like a Jane Austen novel but times four. The payoff was amazing in the end, I was really emotionally invested in a lot of the characters' futures (especially MARY GARTH, this plain, poor girl who is super sarcastic and super witty and she's my hero because despite her plainness she manages to ensnare two hot catches).

The writing was excellent. George Eliot was super profound and incisive. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book:

"A kind Providence furnishes the limpest personality with a little gunk or starch in the form of tradition."

"Signs are small measurable things, but interpretations are illimitable."

"We mortals, men and women, devour many a disappointment between breakfast and dinner-time."

"People were so ridiculous with their illusions, carrying their fool's caps unawares, thinking their own lies opaque while everybody else's were transparent, making themselves exceptions to everything, as if when all the world looked yellow under a lamp they alone were rosy."

"People glorify all sorts of bravery except the bravery they might show on behalf of their nearest neighbors."

And a quote by Mary Garth, number one BAMF:

"Husbands are an inferior class of men, who require keeping in order."

YOU TELL EM MARY.

All in all, it was great, such an endeavor! Next up on my roster is Don Quixote, so don't expect to hear from me for several months.

THERE BE PIRATES HERE! YA HAR!!!

2011-05-11T14:17:00.000-06:00

Treasure Island! Thar she be! Booty galore if we do our dooty (or take our dooty into ar own ands! YARR!)!

I had not read this book in somewhere close to 12 years, but when I saw it for free on the Kindle App store (which is awesome by the way) I couldn't resist. It's not very long, it's totally written for kids, but from start to finish it involves action, pirates, conspiracy (and counter-conspiracy), death, battle, sailing (though not very well described [come on Robert!]), and absolutely no romance. What more could a boy want from a book?

For those of you who have read it I won't rehash the story, and for those who haven't I won't spoil the wonderful story. It sufficeth me to say that it is a short story about a group of Englishmen who set sail for an island whereon a gruesome and bloodthirsty pirate named Captain Flint buried loads of monies and their attending adventures. There is much death, much action, and much intensity.

While it doesn't quite rise to the depth of character development of my treasured Master and Commander series, it is a short book after all and meant for the entertainment of a considerably younger audience. As soon as my kids are able to read they're going to be given this book as the harbinger of adventures to come!

9.5/10!

The Elegant Universe

2011-05-11T14:09:00.000-06:00

The universe, when examined on a near-infinitely small scale, is composed of one-dimensional strings which vibrate at various frequencies and through whose vibrations the entire universe with its attending matter, gravity, energy, etc. is composed.

That is the basic gist of this pop-science read. It's a good book and I enjoyed getting the readers-digest version of what must be mounds and mounds and mounds of equations and theorizing. I must admit that several of the sections flew right through my cranium without any lasting stick, but on the whole it was quite the learning experience.

In my opinion, the best part of the book was his summary of Einstein's theories of general and special relativity. He did a phenomenal job at explaining why light will always appear to be going at the speed of light no matter our speed, how time is an extra dimension within which we all live and operate, how things like Black Holes do zany things to contemporary theories of the universe, and how string theory could solve all our problems.

For those of us interested in astronomy and the workings of the universe, I recommend this book!

8/10

I really should be spending this time moving but whatever

2011-05-02T10:44:00.003-06:00

Well, I couldn't resist. The siren song of Disney-related lists drew me back, even though the last one took me a good 2 1/2 hours to complete. I'll only pick five and the descriptions for my five won't be as in-depth as Ken's, but I'll compensate by naming my other favorite things villains do, like songs and lines.

And thanks a lot for getting me on the blog, Ken. Now thanks to you I've lost countless precious minutes of my life to compiling lists, minutes which could have been spent playing videogames or spying on the neighborhood children. That enough of a thank you for ya?

Favorite Villains
1. Scar - Not that I'm gay, but I want to make out with Jeremy Irons. And I want to make sweet whoopie to his voice. Now that's out of the way, Scar was such a douche; I remember the scene where Simba is nuzzling his dad and Scar emerges from the mist and says, "Simba... what have you done?" and I was like "Scar, why are you such a douche?! You just killed his dad and now you're making him feel the guilt! Stop douching it up!" That is the perfect scene in establishing what a sinister character he was, not to mention the "Long the live the king" line.
Favorite line: "Yes. As you wish... your majesty!"

2. Oogie Boogie - Remember that first scene, where you don't see Oogie at first, you just see his shadow and then that bug get sucked out of the cage? So effective. That scared me just as much as any reveal would have. And I love the look and color palette, all bright buzz saws and skeletons lit by blacklights, like a medieval torture/rave chamber. Plus his death was pretty funny.
Favorite line: "J-Jack! But they said you were dead! You must be... double-dead!!"

3. Shere Khan - One thing I love in a villain is suavity and poise; nothing's more frightening than a man who'll bludgeon you to death with a shoe and then casually wipe his hands off with a handkerchief afterward. I'll forgive any atrocity as long as it's committed by someone with good manners. And Shere Khan is the suavest mofo in the jungle, even though he's a blood-thirsty carnivore hungry for manflesh. Sheer brute force + the manners of an English nobleman = good times. And you know what's funny? On the Rotten Tomatoes website, George Sanders' little thumbnail picture is Shere Khan (go to 'All About Eve' to see what I mean). I wonder how it feels to have such a respected career as a stage and film actor and then have the picture representing you be an animated tiger. He's either really flattered or really annoyed up in Actor Heaven.
Favorite line: "You have spirit for one so small. And such spirit is deserving of a sporting chance."

4. Ursula - Though she may place fourth on my list, her laugh is the greatest of all time. Excuse me, her cackle. That, combined with her hair and her dramatic nature, puts her high on my list. And that final scene where she's huge and evil and then gets impaled by the ship is pretty intense.
Favorite line: "It's time for Ursula to take matters into her own tentacles!"

5. Hades - One word: hilarious. That is all.
Favorite line: Do I have to pick just one? Alright then.
Hercules: People are... are gonna get hurt, aren't they?
Hades: Nah. I mean, it's, you know, it's a possibility. It happens 'cause, you know, it's war, but what can I tell ya. Anyway, what do you owe these people, huh?

Honorary mention: Dr. Facilier
So much wasted potential. I felt like they went to all this work to give this guy a great voice, great animation, great backstory, great song, and then they just left him out to dry. He deserved way, way more screen time than he got. And the whole time I was hoping for a titanic showdown where he faced off against Mama Odie. But nope, he just sings a song, dances a bit, shows occasionally to remind you of his evil intentions, and then gets dragged off to voodoo hell. Very disappointing. But I don't care who you are, his shadow moving around and obeying his will is all kinds of awesome.

Favorite song: "Oogie Boogie's Song"

Favorite death: Although I've only recently seen it, I loved the originality of Gothel's demise in "Tangled". Her plummeting to Earth and you expecting her to hit the ground, but instead she evaporates in midair and only her cloak lands. That was sweet.

Favorite Kingdom Hearts battle: Definitely the fight against Captain Hook, where you're flying through the air around his ship and he's leaping after you, swinging his sword and cursing you and your friends.

Favorite actor who makes me question my sexuality: Jeremy Irons, though Steve Woods comes in close second.

Best fight scene: Maleficent vs. Prince Philip. Classic, epic dragon on knight action never gets old, especially not when it's done by Disney and his team at the top of their game.

Top Ten Vilians!

2011-05-01T12:57:00.012-06:00

"Well Ken, we sure are impressed to see how you singlehandedly resuscitated an otherwise crumbling blogging community.

"Thank you noble fans. I too am astounded at my seemingly unlimited potential to summon within others powers they never dreamed of utilizing without my impetus.

"You are great. We appreciate all you do.

"Again, thank you noble fans."

WHAT IS INTERESTING IS THAT I NEVER HEARD THIS IN ALL YOUR POSTINGS AND RESPONSES TO MY AWESOME POST! All you did was criticize and whittle! That's it! What kind of noble fans are you?! THE WORST KIND!

Really though, if given another opportunity I would make a few changes to my Disney list. But I feel that the lists we compiled in so many ways reflect our personalities (with the placement of Peter Pan being indicative of one's propensity for adventure [suck that AJ!]!) and that my list especially reveals the inner ethos of my persona.
So, instead of revising, I'm going to continue this listing with my top ten villains of all time! Kelsi said she and Luke had discussed this and I felt I should continue my pattern of trend-setting and get a headstart on everyone.
Before I begin, I must explain this list. Especially with bad guys we have to define those characteristics by which we are assessing the performance of those we rank. For example, do we value those who are truly the most vicious and evil? Or those best able to carry out their diabolical intentions? Or those who we like the most? So many questions, and I was unable to isolate a single series of factors by which to determine my ranking, so I'll just say that this is a completely subjective valuation of who I felt were the best Disney villains in strengthening the story and projecting their dominance through their machinations. That said, let us tarry forth! ON WE GO!

10. Gaston. Ah yeah. The man's man turned bad man is definitely going to make my villain list. Gaston had some evil moments and his fight with the Beast was awesome, if only b/c you couldn't believe there was a human being tough enough to take on the bear/wolf/sasquatch that the Beast was, but for the most part Gaston makes the villain list for being such a strong addition to the story. His song about himself was awesome, his ability to incite a mob was eery, and his blind ambition to obtain the prettiest girl in all the province is intimidating. Gaston showed that a real hunter doesn't just go chasing after ducks and other defenseless fowl, he pursues with relentless absurdity anything that catches his attention and doesn't rest until he is satisfied. For those characteristics, Gaston begins my villain list.

9. Dr. Facilier, aka The Shadow Man. Another villain who, while creepy, is on the list for his ability to help drive the story. The Shadow Man proved to my soul that while Disney would let an otherwise promising project misfire and consign itself to 2D obscurity, they still knew how to conjure up an awesome bad guy. The song "I Got Friends On the Other Side" goes down as one of my most favorite Disney songs of all time, period. It may even top the list for best songs performed by a villain (being in close competition with Gaston's self-promoter). He managed to add spice to a film that I otherwise could not really enjoy and displayed a conflicting character seeking to balance being in control with being subjected to debts beyond his ability to repay. It was a great lesson on making deals with the devil. So thank you, Shadow Man, for helping me partially enjoy what should have been a more epic experience.

8. Monstro. Why whaling doesn't get a worse rap: too many peoplehave seen Pinocchio and think anything which is an enemy of Monstro is a friend of man. I watched a short clip of Monstro's awakening and realized that as a kid I truly couldn't imagine a terror more real than being trapped at sea with an unstoppable leviathan bent on my consumption. Monstro was so terrifying in part because he was portrayed to be so completely evil. You are shown no emotional side of Monstro, only the workings of a creature bent on destruction. He's bad. Very Bad. And Free Willies the world over have suffered a cruel rap at the hands of this villain's image.

7. Hades. You know we can't discuss villains without discussing how awesome James Woods was as the Lord of the Greek Underworld. He was entertaining, evil, and as all other good Disney villains are, hell-bent on conquest and domination. He got a bad rap from his all-powerful older brother and spent eons in the deep dark recesses of the world's abysmal spirit caverns. While many things in Hercules are sure to bother even the most elementary of Greek enthusiasts, you couldn't help but love Hades and his unfailing ability to make you crack a smile as he was cracking wise and plotting big. Also, the scene with the Titans where Hades informs them that Olympia is in the opposite direction of their terrorizing is priceless.

6. Queen Grimhilde. Vanity, thy name is Queen Grimhilde. This villain was brought to ruin by

her consuming desire for comparative beauty and it drove her to such undreamable heights as the attempted murder of the fairest, most innocent, and highest-pitched-voice damsel in the kingdom! It was tragic to watch the heights (literally) she went to in order to bring to pass her maniacal plans to fruition.

Also, Luke said he wished that Disney wouldn't have killed her off in her ugly period, but I think that was very poignantly deliberate. Moral lessons go to great lengths to help us visualize the effects of sin and vice, and I think Disney was going for the throat in demonstrating that the Evil Queen, while 2nd most beautiful, was 1st in the inner ugliness department, and she would die that way.

5. Jafar. I love how we've nearly universally acclaimed the racist and sexist stereotype Disney presented and lambasted in the character of Jafar. He has everything all the character traits that we despise: he looks like a snake, he views women as objects of man's desire and nothing more, he plots against the rightful (though bumbling) sovereign, and he taunts in puns (thanks for pointing that out Luke!). Not only that, but Jafar has one of the most entertaining sidekicks in the Disney pantheon, and their duo never seemed to quit dealing out domination and entertainment throughout the Aladdin sojourn.

4. Captain Hook. What is it with Disney villains and their obsession with some unobtainable quest? It seems that when Disney was founded Walt sat everyone down and said, "Listen, in every movie we make that is worth anything at all, I want you to insure that the villain is consumed with something antithetical to the cause of goodness. Don't make them dabblers, make them manics, and we will define villainy forever!" I don't know if he really said that, but he sure drove home the point with each of my preceding choices, and Captain Hook is no different. He lost a hand and he couldn't let it go (get it?!) and it took him from the position of a respected and wealthy plunderer to a scared ninny constantly on the run from an equally terrifying crocodile. I love the delivery of Captain Hook. He was the gentleman villain. While he wasn't afraid to break a promise or push the bounds of villain propriety, he still managed to stay clean shaven and well groomed. I also can't help but think that Disney wanted people to compare Cpt. Hook to the bungling French attempts to defeat the obvious English/American adventuring type represented by Peter Pan. WE KNOW THEY COULD NEVER TAKE US!

3. Cruella de Vil. While Cruella de Vil doesn't take home the prize for top villain in my list, I cannot deny her ubiquitous presence in the ethos of Disney villainy. She is by far the most recognized of the Disney villains, her tribute song is the most well known (it has its own jingle for crying out loud!), and her polar bear fur coat insures that she will continue to be hated as our society grows increasingly environmentally conscious (at least we tell ourselves we're more environmentally conscious). I wish I enjoyed 101 Dalmations more. I'm sure that if I did Cruella could have reached that infamous apex reserved for the best Disney villain.

2. Scar. Scar is second only to one in taking home the prize of best villain in my estimation. He perfectly personifies everything that we hate in villains: he's brilliant, ruthless (even to the point of killing his own brother, and attempting the lionicide of his nephew), he beats on women, subjects all to his will, and sings a piece featuring prominent Nazi and North Korea allegories throughout! Not only that, but Jeremy Irons delivered such a flawless performance that it was difficult at times to not root for Scar out of sheer love for his animating personality.

The moment when Scar digs his claws into Mufasa's desperate paws as he attempts to escape and whispers into his ears, "Long, live, the King" and then releases him to the wildebeast's stampede shall go down as one of the pinnacle moments of Disney film, and only a villain such as Scar voiced by a legend such as Jeremy Irons have pulled it off.

1. Maleficent. Bret told me when we were young that if he ever owned a boat or was captain of some ship he would name it Maleficent, and a casual glance at any Disney poster featuring this villain yields a persuasive justification. Maleficent demonstrated that true villainy, properly executed, can inspire unparalleled fear in the masses of children fortunate enough to purview a glimpse of true evil which will forever alter their perception of the world. Maleficent singlehandedly persuaded me to hate darkness, brambles, statues, crows, women magicians, dragons that weren't voiced by Sean Connery, and unholy flame, and those prejudices shall accompany me into my grave (wherein Maleficent shall have her final victory as my body is engulfed in darkness until the resurrection of our Lord commences for God's children). I cannot adequately describe what an effect she had on me, but to say that she defines the term villain is a gross understatement. When she emerges from her spell transformed into a dragon I admit that I still get just a bit squeemish (though I'm totally ready to rock on and take her on in whatever form of heroism such a feat entails).

I also love that Maleficent was ultimately defeated by the forces of righteousness and truth (with its obvious Christian overtones) and that while she was in her most absolutely abominable form.

SO THERE! Again I am the trend-setter! Let's see your responses to that!

Holy crap, that took a while

2011-04-30T04:56:00.007-06:00

Rejoice ye forsaken masses, for I'm finally back to writing on the book blog, and the only thing that could bring me back is the desire to talk about my love for all things Disney. And I feel guilty after months of Kelsi asking me to post and everyone putting so much time and effort into their posts. But mostly I just want to show that I am the greatest Disney fan. The greatest.

Some things about my list:
- I will only pick twenty-five. Sorry Ken, but some of us can't afford to put sixty movies on our list. Some of us have families to feed.
- For reasons already detailed, I'll limit my selection of Pixar movies to only one. Which one? Read on to find out! The suspense is killing you, I'm sure.
- I will try to restrain myself from using the words 'magic', 'nostalgic', 'racist', 'portrayal', and 'timeless' too much, but it’ll be difficult.
- I haven’t watched “Tangled” yet, I’m sure I’ll love it.

Starting from #1…

1. Aladdin - This one and Lion King will always hold a special place in my heart for a number of reasons; they came out around the same time (in my mind at least); they both struck an emotional cord with me; and I can watch either one at any time, no matter what else is going on. I've also watched each one about fifty times apiece and listened to their commentary tracks. So yeah. But why does this one edge out to #1? Because it's freaking amazing, that's why. It has everything: romance, adventure, a scrappy/sexy hero who overcomes all odds, hilarious side characters (Abu, Raja, Arab people), arguably the prettiest Disney princess, a wonderfully racist portrayal of a dastardly villain, and to top it all off, Robin Williams at his comedic, coked-out best. Throw in some superb songs, great action/chase scenes, and that hilarious part where Jafar keeps spouting puns before he casts a spell ("I'm just getting warmed up!!" *breathes fire* "Get the point?" *swords fall from sky* "Things are unraveling fast now, street rat!" *turns the Magic Carpet into yarn*) and what do you get? A-freaking-laddin.
And that scene where they're escaping from the crumbling Cave of Wonders on the Magic Carpet still blows my mind into a million pieces and makes me curse God for not giving me the power to fly and science for not inventing an affordable jetpack.

2. The Lion King - And where do I start with this one? This is probably the first truly "epic" movie I saw. Seeing that opening scene in the theater where the sun rises over the waking African savanna punched me in the brain so hard I started to see spots. I also cried until my eyes burned when Mufasa dies and Simba's trying to wake him up, but that's a whole bag of trauma best left unopened. Anyway, more than the gorgeous and lush visuals, more than the Elton John-penned songs, more than the amazing story, what really sets this movie above and beyond is the cast. Mufasa with his deep, booming voice who was both regal and fatherly; the wise and insane Rafiki, with his absurdist banana song and mastery of kung fu; Timon & Pumbaa with their awesome back and forth dialogue ("You talking to me?" "Shouldn't have done that!" "You talking to me?!" "Now they're in for it!" "They call me Mr. Pig! Ahhhh!"); the terribly inept henchmen, the hyenas; the tough and sexy Nala who filled me with extremely confusing feelings in my youth; the greatest Disney villain ever-that's right, I said it-voiced by the inimitable Jeremy Irons; Zazu, the hopelessly stodgy right-hand man; and, of course, Simba, who manages to believably make the transition from young and wild ruffian to carefree vagrant trying to forget his past to, ultimately, a lion who realizes that he must take the hard path to reclaim his throne and his destiny.
I later learned (later being 2009) that this movie was a rip-off of a Japanese film called "Kimba The White Lion" that none of the creators bothered to mention even in the credits, but you know what? Not even that cynical little fact can diminish this movie's greatness in my mind's eye. Long live Simba!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAA SEBENYAAAAA MAMA MEE TEE MAMO SIMOO SEN YA AY SEN YA OH!

3. The Nightmare Before Christmas - No film has influenced my cultural tastes as much as this film. The dark and twisted setting, the weird, eccentric protagonist, the freaky love interest, the comically over-the-top villain, etc. It all started here. The fact that my favorite solo artist is Tom Waits and my favorite videogame is Psychonauts is a testament to the impact of this movie. My appreciation of this movie has definitely deepened as I've aged. This is one of the few films that manage to strike a perfect balance between style and substance. The way Tim Burton and his team combined silent movie-era German surrealism imagery, Gothic Orchestra-meets-Broadway song and dance numbers, and modern animation aesthetics still has yet to be matched, technically or conceptually. And the story can still strike a chord with just about anyone who feels misunderstood and trapped by their circumstances (like I did when I was young and weird. Nothing like I am today). The fact that it was all done using stop-motion is nothing short of astounding.
And holy hell, let's talk about what a terrifying concept Oogie Boogie is. Good lord, a giant bag of bugs who eats small creatures while cackling maniacally. How many nightmares did he give me? A lot, that's how many. All of which ended in me awakening curled up in a fetal position, lying in a pool of my own urine.
Too bad Tim Burton is one of the most derivative filmmakers working today. Watch this film and you realize just how much vision the man had before he decided to smother it with a massive bag of money. And while I’m talking about shamelessly cashing in artistic vision for moolah, screw Hot Topic to hell. All the way to hell.

4. Alice In Wonderland - The perfect movie for a young, hyperactive child AKA me: no real story to follow, no characters to get attached to, no motives to decipher. Just a girl, lost in a world of her imagination populated by absolutely mad denizens who occasionally break out into songs about the joys of caucus races and the merits of not losing your head to a mad queen. There's not a lot I can say about this movie owing to its bizarre tone and meandering narrative, but this movie is definitely the sum of its parts and is not for everyone. For someone weird with off-kilter tastes like me, however, watching this film is like going on a good acid trip, one where all the phantoms are friendly and colorful and don’t want to steal your soul magic. So I've been told, I've never dropped acid. Makes holes in your brain, you know.

5. Wall-E – Making movies is no easy task. The amount of work by so many people that goes into a single film is really staggering when you think about it: you need the director, the actors, the crew, the producers, and more all working in tandem, which can add up to dozens, if not hundreds, of people working on a single project. To actually sort through that chaos and emerge with a great movie is an incredible feat. To make multiple great movies is akin to going to the moon and back a bunch of times times. But to make nothing but classics is what Pixar does every day. And from that near-flawless pedigree (Cars is not a great movie, sorry Ken), which one is the king? The little robot that can, Wall-E. I love the quirky yet eerie first half, I love the beautiful romance that develops between two robots who can’t even speak, I love the ballet in space scene, I love the fat human trundling along to the song “2001” made famous, I love the message warning against complacency and wastefulness, and I love, love Wall-E and his romantic, dancing ways. But mostly, I love this movie for making me feel like a kid again without being condescending or insulting my intelligence. So bravo, Pixar. You made it high on my list of the best Disney films ever, and to be recognized by Luke Kitchen is one of the greatest honors man can receive.

6. Beauty And The Beast – My favorite princess movie (unless Alice In Wonderland counts, but I think she’s just the princess of weird imagery and oblique metaphors). It’s funny that this film came out of Disney’s revival era in the late 80’s/early 90’s, yet it wouldn’t feel out of place if it came out between Snow White and Pinnochio. It has all the elements of an old classic Disney would have been proud to have worked on: the melodrama, the romance, the over-the-top villain, the kooky characters, the songs. And yet it manages to feel completely new even while it makes use of old cinema tropes. That’s probably why it was nominated for a Best Picture and why it’s still beloved to this day. Audiences of all stripes can enjoy this, young and old. And it has some of Disney’s single best scenes: the wolf fight, Gaston vs. the Beast, the musical number for “Be Our Guest”, and, of course, the ballroom dance (and its tragic aftermath). And I will always break out into an idiotic grin whenever I watch the servants all attack the invaders. Genius!

7. Fantasia – Definitely the artiest film on this list, it’s much like Alice In Wonderland: a series of separate scenes that don’t really serve a larger narrative but, taken as a whole, add up to something truly spectacular that takes full advantage of the technology available to it at the time. I love those dancing Chinese mushrooms. And what the hell was Disney taking when he dreamt up the Chernobog scene? Freaky stuff. Fun fact: this film flopped on release, but in the sixties it had a revival when Disney Studios re-released it and targeted it towards the burgeoning hippy youth with taglines like “Fantasia: A true experience of the senses!” Surprise surprise, it did quite well.

8. The Many Adventures Of Winnie The Pooh – You all know he’s my favorite Disney character. I don’t know why I identify with a slow, pudgy bear who loves to eat himself into a coma, but I do. But Pooh being a great character wouldn’t be enough if he wasn’t surrounded by an equally lovable cast and their adventures weren’t great fun. But he is, they are, and this film is all the better for it. It truly feels like a timeless storybook come to life, one that parents can read to their kids, who'll eventually read it to theirs.

9. The Hunchback Of Notre Dame – Good, operatic fun. Probably my favorite soundtrack of any Disney film. Tony Jay makes anything better, the gargoyles are very funny, the action scenes are great and original, and the protagonist is lovable and tragic. Although this film definitely changes its tone abruptly and often, going from funny and lighthearted to dark and scary. Case in point: the festival scene, where we start with a boisterous song in a carnival atmosphere and end in a scene of persecution and torture. What?

10. Treasure Planet – Seems I’m the only one who feels this film lived up to its potential. Too bad movie-going audiences didn’t feel that way and this was a huge flop. High-flying adventure coupled with a ridiculous concept (“Pirate ships in SPACE!!” “Like, spaceships piloted by criminals who attack other ships?” “No no, ships. As in sails and cannons and no protection from the ravages of space, and they somehow fly through the infinite void.” “Sounds amazing, it’ll make a billion dollars in theaters!”) won me over. Maybe it’s because this is the movie I would have made when I was young and playing pirates vs. aliens with my Legos.

11. Hercules – Steve Woods as the Lord of the Underworld and Danny DeVito as a disgruntled satyr? Sign me up! Fun, bright, fast-moving, and stylish. The hero’s a lovable doofus, the love interest is actually interesting, and Pain and Panic are great as Hades’ punching bags. “This may be another Hercules!” “Yeah, I mean Hercules is a very popular name nowadays!” “Remember, when all the boys were named Jason and the girls were named Britney?” And the voice of Zeus is the crazy wheelchair coach from “Dodgeball”, so come on. Give this film its props.

12. Snow White – Started it all, amazing achievement, blah blah blah. When all the hype is stripped away from this film, it still stands on its own because it’s an extremely well-made piece of cinema that entertains and delights on every viewing. And I love the villain, but I wish she didn’t die ugly. It would have been nice if she could have transformed back before she died, because no one deserves to die hideous, not even evil queens.

13. Peter Pan – Pure childhood adventure and a work of escapist perfection. It has all the right moves: pirates, flying, mermaid bitches, racist portrayals of Indians, and a great villain. Who didn’t want Peter Pan to fly into their window and take them away to Neverland? Nazi children, that’s who. And I really like Michael. Top hats just scream awesome to me.
Also, shout-out to the Peter Pan-themed level in “Kingdom Hearts”, where you gain the power of flight and fly around the ship fighting monsters with bat wings and pirates flying boats. That was the best level in the game.

14. Mulan – More like “Mulan Rocks”, amiright? Kudos to this film for featuring a central female character who kicks all sorts of ass and whose only preoccupation isn’t just to bag some stud and live happily ever after. Although I guess she is just trying to save her father so she’s still ultimately living for another man, but still, she kicks ass while she’s doing it. And she beats Shan Yu, one of the most effective and menacing villains in Disney’s history. Fun fact: Eddie Murphy was still respected when he made this movie.

15. Bambi – Definitely an odd film. Who would think today of making a movie about a deer who hardly speaks in a bunch of scenes mostly showing off the wonders of nature? If it was made in the modern day it would probably be done by some small independent animation company, and if Disney did make it they’d have to include a fast-talking squirrel and an owl who sings the latest pop songs. But back in the day, Walt Disney pulled this unlikely success off and gave us one of the most tragic scenes in film history (“Mother? Mother?!”). Also, Man is a great villain. And supposedly John Williams was inspired by this movie’s use of music to signify the presence of an unseen villain for “Jaws”. Disney’s influence stretches far.

16. Pinocchio – Or, “How I Learned To Be Afraid Of Everything”. Seriously, there are so many parts in this movie that had me crapping myself. Three scenes-Monstro chasing Pinocchio and his dad on their slapdash raft, Stromboli threatening to chop up our hero into firewood, and the scene where Pinocchio’s friend transforms into a donkey while raggedly crying for his mother-are the holy trinity of frightening, twisted, and depressing animated scenes. I love the song “When You Wish Upon A Star”, even though its message is crap. You got to work for what you want, kids! You can’t just wish for it! Work on the street corners like I did, selling my wares *wink wink* to any interested passerby. And that song makes me think of the comic where Calvin wishes on a star, nothing happens, and he says he’d smoosh Jiminy Cricket if he could. And some good lessons are taught in this film: don’t trust anyone, don’t ever question parental authority, and whales need to be hunted to extinction.

17. Pirates Of The Caribbean – If ever there was a perfect popcorn movie, this is it. It never takes itself too seriously, yet it never resorts to parody; the action scenes are perfectly staged and appropriately heart-thumping; the skeletal villains were a welcome change of pace; the ship and sword battles were highly entertaining; and Keira Knightley makes me feel funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class. And Johnny Depp’s star-making performance is now the stuff of legend. Before the makers blew their load over the sequels, this film stood as a testament to how awesome pirate movies could and should be.

18. Lilo & Stitch – I was very surprised when I saw this movie. I’d been dragged along by Mom when I was still a surly teenager and expected to get more of the same animated drivel Disney’d been crapping out on home release and the Disney Channel for years. Boy, it sure is nice to be proved wrong sometimes. The story of an outsider looking for a friend was really touching, the humor was broad without stooping to cheap fart and other bodily function jokes, and the animation perfectly captured the beauty of Hawaii. I also have a soft spot for all things sci-fi, sue me. And Stitch was awesome, and Kelsi sucks. I also loved those two songs, the one at the start and the one from the surfing scene. I put those two on repeat and listened to them over and over again.

19. The Emperor’s New Groove – You want me to piss myself? Just put this on and I guarantee I’ll be laughing hard enough to do so.

20. The Jungle Book – If Peter Pan is childhood fantasy, this is childhood fiction: highly unlikely, but still feasible, and just as delightful. I can’t think of anything bad about running off to the jungle to live with your best friend bear and puma, singing and dancing and pigging out every day on fruit. Well, except for the fact that you’re being hunted by a giant, hypnotic snake and a psychotic, man-eating tiger. And those Beatles vultures were always funny, even more so now that I know who the Beatles are.

21. The Little Mermaid – I loves me my ocean, and even though this is an extremely unrealistic portrayal (why does the shark have the jaw of a snake?), it still tickles my brain to watch the sea floor come to life, especially in the song “Under The Sea”. Ariel was a likable heroine whose dreams of exploring the greater world are universal, Sebastian and the seagull dude were great fun, King Triton was properly imposing, and Ursula is just great, campy, over-the-top fun. And I love the “Part Of Your World” scene. I still sing it when I’m on an elevator that’s going up, much to the chagrin of my fellow passengers.

22. Who Framed Roger Rabbit? – Christopher Lloyd, that’s who. The film that proves that the most ridiculous concept can be pulled off with the right amount of sincerity and wit. The contrasting of the cartoon characters and their anything-works reality with the real, gritty world and its pragmatic nature was nothing short of genius. So hilarious, so weird, so unique, and so well-made. Bob Hoskins totally gives it his all in this role; anything less would have undone the film. Jessica Rabbit is responsible for starting a lot of cartoon fetishes, I’m sure. And is there anything more unsettling than a flattened Christopher Lloyd wobbling around and drinking helium until his eyes pop out? The answer is no. No there is not.

23. Tarzan – Gotta love a ripped man in a loincloth grinding on trees. Did you know that the animators studied the movements of skateboarders for those sequences where he’s sliding through the jungle? All the characters are great in this film, especially Jane’s dopey father. And Terk and Tantor are probably the best comedic relief since Timon and Pumbaa. The scene where Kerchak, a giant gorilla, is dying and saying his last words to Tarzan should be melodramatic and ridiculous, but it makes me tear up. And yes, Phil Collins was phoning it in lyrics-wise, but those songs still get my blood boiling and make me want to go run through jungle on all fours. "Two worlds one family / Trust your heart let faith decide / To guide these lights we see!" What the hell does that mean, Phil?

24. Mary Poppins – Other than “The Wizard Of Oz”, my favorite live action musical. Julie Andrews is just delightful, Dick Van Dyke pulls double duty as Burt and the old, decrepit banking president, and the sequence where they go into the cartoon world and Burt dances with the penguins is still amazing. I heard tale that Julie Andrews had such a filthy mouth that they had to rush the children off the set whenever she got cross. Whether it’s true or not, it’s pretty funny to think about.

25. Robin Hood – AKA “F*ck You, Ayn Rand.” Who doesn’t love the story of Robin Hood? It’s so broad and can be interpreted in such different ways. I love this films playfulness and sense of camaraderie among Robin Hood and his merry men. I also love how Prince John cries and sucks his thumb whenever he’s beaten. The thrill of Robin Hood pulling off a heist was always great. Like “Ocean’s Eleven” with bows and arrows instead of technology and extremely sexy men.

Well, that’s it. Maybe now it’s time to go watch that “Tangled” I’ve heard so much about. Then again, all this talk about Disney movies has made me want to go watch Lion King and Aladdin. Maybe I’ll do that instead.

Oh, and as an aside, listen to this terrifying cover of “Heigh Ho” by Tom Waits and then try to sleep at night. Bet you can't do it!

(It starts about 18 seconds in)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4_zaZ3utUY

I feel like I need to go take a nap now.

2011-04-28T20:01:00.006-06:00

Yep, this was fun and also time-consuming. I omitted Pixar films, because I still view Pixar as more of a stand-alone company (although I might pull an AJ and list the Pixar films themselves in order of how much I love them). Also, I have to say: I didn't worry so much about the order of the movies until about my top twenty, so resist the urge to be nitpicky.

Also, FYI: Rotten Tomatoes wrote a top 50 animated Disney films list that inspired me and Kenneth to do this. Here's the link, see what you think about it, I seem to remember thinking that the list-writer was on all the crack. Pinocchio at number one? Drugs are the only explanation! Also, the very idea that Home on the Range was ranked higher than Robin Hood literally makes me want to shoot something with a harpoon gun.

50. National Treasure

HAHAAHAHAHAH JK Y’ALL. I’ve never actually seen this movie, and now that Nicholas Cage is a source of recurring nightmares for me, I never actually will. On to the real list!

49. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids

In my opinion, Disney Studios does animation best, and so the bottom three of my list is populated heavily with live action films. These are films I enjoyed, for sure, but can’t quite oust the actual animated stories (in my opinion). Honey, I Shrunk the Kids is one such movie. I remember loving it as a kid (and fantasizing about shrinking down and having my own terrifying adventures). Also, there is a playground at Hollywood Studios in DisneyWorld that is modeled after the backyard scene in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Cool, right?

48. The Santa Clause

I freaking love Tim Allen. This will always be one of my favorite Christmas movies, no matter how many awful sequels it spawns.

47. Atlantis: The Lost Empire

Meh. Atlantis never really did it for me. Like Ken said, it was a great idea, with poor execution. Disney basically blew its chance to hop on the steampunk train a few years early with an instant classic. But the animation is gorgeous and the concepts are pretty excellent, so it makes the top fifty.

46. Treasure Planet

Again—great ideas, poor execution. Also, NO LOVE INTEREST. What? That doesn’t do it for me. I need a love interest in a Disney movie or I get intensely bored, okay? However, it does feature the voice talents of Joseph Gordon-Levitt (soon to be Alberto Falcone in The Dark Knight Rises, yesssss), which is nice. Cool ideas, pretty, et cetera.

45. The Muppet Christmas Carol

Don’t lie: this is one of the greatest Christmas movies of all time. Mostly because of Michael Caine, but also because of everything else.

44. Lilo and Stitch

“I am going to stuff you in the blender, push ‘puree’, then bake you into a pie and feed it to the social worker, and when he says, ‘Mmm, this is great, what’s your secret?’ I’m gonna say….love and….nurturing!” This movie had some great lines, great moments, great music. HOWEVER, I hate the character of Stitch, I hate him hate him hate him. I hate the fact that you can meet him in the Magic Kingdom. He’s the worst. If the movie had just been Lilo, it would have been perfect.

43. The Aristocats

Two things made this movie great for me: the music and the geese. Other than that, it’s pretty forgettable. (The entertainment department here in WDW doesn’t feel that way, though. You can meet the youngest cat, Marie, in Epcot France, and there is a ton of merchandise for her. Weird!)

42. Bambi

Whatever, Bambi. Thanks for manipulating my emotions by killing his mother right at the beginning. I don’t like this movie very much. But the animation was beautiful and there was some nice music, so whatever. Also this was reportedly Walt Disney's favorite movie he had ever worked on, which counts for something in my book.

41. Pinocchio

Guess what, everyone? Pinocchio is absolutely terrifying. When was the last time you watched it? Do you remember how the young boys who went gallivanting off to Pleasure Island got turned to DONKEYS and shipped off to the SALT MINES, where they were most likely brutally worked to death? What the hell, Disney? Where’s the whimsy and the childish fantasy? Because all I see is a waking nightmare. NO THANKS, PINOCCHIO. It’s in my top fifty only because, admittedly, the animation was groundbreaking at the time, and it’s still a very beautiful movie to watch. And also unintentionally hilarious, at some parts.

40. Ponyo

I just saw this last night and decided to count it, even though I probably shouldn’t because I’m not counting Pixar, et cetera et cetera. ANYWAY WHATEVER. Ponyo had some awesome imagery (a whale swimming over a road! By a tree)! Bright colors! And an amazing voice cast (holy cow, Cate Blanchett, Liam Neeson, Tina Fey, Betty White!). And overall, it was an enjoyable experience. BUT ALSO SO FREAKING WEIRD, in a Japanese, why-is-this-happening kind of way. Why did Ponyo turning human pull the moon closer to earth? That literally makes zero sense whatsoever, and they didn’t even attempt to explain it in the movie. Humph.

39. Lady and the Tramp

If not for the music, I would have forgotten that this movie existed a long time ago. However, it did give us such classics as “Bella Notte” and “He’s a Tramp”, so I guess that means I LOVE IT.

38. Oliver and Company

Billy Joel Billy Joel Billy Joel BILLY JOEL.

37. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

This movie terrifies me to this day. But it’s still clever, well acted (Bob Hoskins is really one of the greatest actors of our time, Adrian Brody said so), and fun to watch. And it spawned one of the greatest rides: Roger Rabbit’s Car Toon Spin at Disneyland.

36. The Emperor’s New Groove

“How did you get here before us?” “I’m not sure. I mean, logically, it just doesn’t make sense.” While a little disappointing length-wise and music wise, this movie was hilarious. HILARIOUS. David Spade needs to do more things, end of story. Also Yzma is another one of my favorite villains, is that okay with you guys?

35. Dumbo

“The very things that held you down are going to carry you up, and up, and up!” This is another pretty forgettable movie for me. The quickest way to lose my attention with a movie is to omit a love interest, and that’s a tidbit you can take right to the bank.

34. The Three Caballeros

I remember almost nothing about this movie except for loving it. I still get the title song stuck in my head sometimes. It makes the cut!

33. Cinderella

Uuuuuh, not my favorite. HOWEVER, I really like Cinderella’s character design (that movie is chock-full of 50s fashion, my favorite fashion of them all), and I like the fact that the evil cat is named Lucifer. HOW GREAT IS THAT. Also Walt Disney once said that he viewed the scene where Cinderella's work clothes turns into her famous silver dress as a visual embodiment of dreams coming true. That makes me love it a little bit more.

32. Alice in Wonderland

Well I don’t love this movie as much as Luke, but it’s still pretty great. Mostly because the Queen of Hearts, and the Cheshire Cat, but Tweedledee and Tweedledum are pretty cool, also. Alice is a tidge bit annoying, though. I HAD TO SAY IT.

31. James and the Giant Peach

Holy cow, this movie was so so great. And terrifying. But mostly great. A giant peach, with giant bugs, carried by seagulls? A mechanical shark with rusty rows of teeth? And a rhino or something? What was that rhino symbolic of, I wonder? Someone enlighten me. And the best part about James and the Giant Peach was that he got to stay with his friends forever in the end. There was none of that crap, “You’re a man now, James, and we have to go back to the wild.” I hate those types of endings. But this one was all, “Nope, we’ll live together, it’s a-okay cool. No problems with that.” Which is how it should be.

30. Enchanted

There are many things that I really, really love about Enchanted. James Marsden and Amy Adams are absolute scene-stealers. All of the obvious (and lighthearted) digs at classic Disney princess movies are clever. But I hated Patrick Dempsey, I hated the stupid ending, and I hated the fact that they cast Idina Menzel as the annoying girlfriend and she didn’t get to sing ONCE. What the heck? That in itself pushes Enchanted back on the list.

29. The Little Mermaid

URSULA MAKES THIS MOVIE. You all know what I’m talking about. Ariel is pretty annoying still, though.

28. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

Mostly because Winnie the Pooh reminds me so much of Luke (because he loves him, y’all. Not because Luke is obese and addicted to honey). The sketchy animation style of this movie really does it for me. (Also, I am SO SO EXCITED for the new Pooh movie coming out this summer. Even the horribly edited preview can't turn me off.)

27. Mulan

This movie is better than I give it credit for. I really loved Mulan as a character. And “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” is one of the best montage scenes ever. I think they could have pushed for a little more of a Chinese influence, though—in their animation and their music. It would have given the movie a little more staying power, in my opinion.

26. Bedknobs and Broomsticks

I have a deep and abiding love for this movie. It helped me to believe in magic and it gave the world the great song, “Portobello Road.”

25. A Goofy Movie

This movie is awesome and I will fight anyone who says otherwise. Not only does it have the greatest 90’s music there ever was, it also has discernible character development. It deserves some kudos.

24. Pete’s Dragon

This movie is awesome, mostly because: a) the soundtrack is really, really great (go look up “It’s Not Easy” on YouTube and prepare to have your frigid heart melted) and b) Mickey Rooney is a crazy lighthouse keeper, and also c) the bad wizard or whatever is really, really funny. I love Pete’s Dragon for the campy, cheesy fun that it is.

23. The Rescuers

There’s only one thing I really remember about this movie: Madame Medusa, a really excellent bad guy. Also she had two pet alligators, for no reason. HOW GREAT.

22. The Sword in the Stone

Merlin was great, the music was great, but this movie suffers from a common problem: pacing issues. It’s too short! Wart is crowned king and BAM! Done! But I still love it.

21. Meet the Robinsons

I love this movie, probably a little more than I am supposed to. I loved the message about family, and all the characters, and Mike Yagoobian, and the inventions. And the quote that they use in the end, by Walt Disney, is one of my favorites ever: “Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep looking forward, opening up new doors and doing new things…and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”

20. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

I would feel like a bad Disney fan if I didn’t appreciate this movie for what it truly is: the one that started it all. Walt put a lot of his heart and soul into Snow White, and it shows. Too bad the Prince looks like a fourteen-year old girl.

19. The Hunchback of Notre Dame

This movie is severely underappreciated. The leads are strong and the music is amazing and the animation is gorgeous. And Frollo is a CREEP. Remember that song “Hellfire”? Creepy!

18. Muppet Treasure Island

I’M NOT ASHAMED. If we’re going to count these Muppets movies as Disney movies, Muppet Treasure Island deserves to be near the top. This movie will hold its own against any other comedies, kid-friendly or not. BECAUSE IT’S HILARIOUS. “Jim Jim Jimmy Jim Jim Jim.”

17. Beauty and the Beast

The pros: Gaston and his great song, the townspeople and their great song, Crazy Maurice and his goggles, Cogsworth and Lumiere and their witty banter. The cons: Belle and her annoying crying scenes, the Beast and all his annoying moody emotions. Despite these, I truly love this movie and wish it had won the Oscar.

16. Tarzan

This is a very well-done Disney movie, in all respects: the African scenery is really gorgeous, Clayton is an awesome bad-guy (who meets a very grisly end), Tarzan is quite a man’s man, and I like the character of Jane. However, it has to be said: Phil Collins was really phoning it in when he wrote the lyrics to the music.

The power to be strong/and the wisdom to be wise/all these things will come to you in time/in learning you will teach/and in teaching you will learn

Every time I hear these words, I cringe.

15. Sleeping Beauty

There’s no getting around it: even though Aurora and her parents are incompetent dips, this movie is beautiful. The landscapes are heart-meltingly gorgeous. And for goodness’ sakes, Maleficent is the scariest villain that ever existed, don’t pretend otherwise. This truly is a wonderful film, despite its flaws, and therefore earns a high ranking on my list.

14. Robin Hood

This movie would rank much higher on my list if it was just a bit longer. Alas! But on its own, I love it. Scene to scene, it has some of the best Disney moments ever. My favorite is the turtle who waves his flag and says, “Go Dad!”

13. Pocahontas

Haters gonna hate, but Pocahontas is still one of my favorites. Strong female lead! Amazing music! Blatant historical inaccuracy! Check check check! Also it features the voice of Mel Gibson before he was so absolutely crazy, and should therefore be preserved for future studies. I was a little resentful, however, that they just didn't change the ending so John Smith and Pocahontas ended up together. They threw an accurate storyline out the window when they decided to make Pocahontas's grandmother a talking willow tree, so why stop there?

12. Mary Poppins

This movie is literally practically perfect. Julie Andrews is lovely and Dick van Dyke is my number one bro. And I love the song, “Let’s Go Fly a Kite”, I love it.

11. The Great Mouse Detective

OH JES. I love this movie! I loved Basil and I loved the toymaker and Rattigan was an awesome villain. It was so scary, yet so delightful. I love it enough to let it edge out Mary Poppins in my affections, and truly, it would probably edge out many others as well, if it weren't so short!

10. Tangled

What it lacks in decent pacing and a likeable male lead, it makes up for with lovely animation, music, a strong villain, and an EXTREMELY likeable female lead. I was expecting less from this movie (because, frankly, the previews were awful), and so imagine my pleasant surprise when it turned out to be one of my favorites of the year. (Still couldn’t oust Toy Story 3 for my best animation affection, of course). Also, it has to be said: the character animation in Tangled is the best of ANY animated movie I’ve EVER seen. Including any Pixar film. (I SAID IT).

9. One Hundred and One Dalmatians

There are two things that make this one of my favorite Disney films of all time: Cruella de Ville (one of the greatest villains in the history of cinema) and Roger Radcliffe (one of the sexiest men in all cinema). To be honest, the parts with the dogs always sort of bored me. But I never got bored with looking at this:

WHAT A MAN.

8. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

More like The Curse of the Long Sub-Title, amiright? Anyhoo this movie is undeniably awesome, legitimately well-made and well-written, even if the subsequent sequels turned out to be unwatchable abortions. Johnny Depp has forever immortalized the character of Jack Sparrow, so kudos to him.

7. Fantasia

How could Kenneth have forgotten Fantasia? I love this movie. The music is amazing. Did you know that Walt Disney intended for Fantasia to be an immersive film experience? As in, he wanted the audience splashed with water during the water scenes, and he wanted floral scent pumped out during the flower scenes and sulphur-ish scent during the Chernobog scene. But it wasn’t feasible to equip movie theaters across the country with that kind of technology. Fantasia was a box-office flop, because audiences couldn’t relate with a movie that didn’t have a central character or storyline. PHILISTINES.

6. The Princess and the Frog

I have an unnatural affection for this movie. Dr. Facilier is probably my number one (maybe two?) favorite villain of all time. I loved Tiana and her motives, and the overall message of the movie: work hard, but don’t be afraid to take some help or shift your focus if it feels right. And I thought Naveen was so funny. “I am Prince Naveen of Maldonia. And this is Tiana, the waitress. (do not kiss her).” It was a little short for my tastes, and the pacing was off (a problem that a lot of recent Disney movies seem plagued with). Also, it only had four real songs. Lame!

5. Hercules

THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST. Gospel music mixed with Greek mythology was a stroke of genius. And James Wood as Hades! Danny DeVito as Phil! Also possibly my favorite Disney song EVER, “Go the Distance”. It’s a worthy pick for my top five.

4. Aladdin

Riff-raff, street rat. I DON’T BUY THAT. There are four major criteria I judge Disney movies on: the leads, the music, the animation, the villain. In all four categories, Aladdin excels. Aladdin was likeable and heroic, and Jasmine is probably my favorite of the “classic” Disney princesses. I don’t even have to talk about the music, because everyone probably has “Prince Ali” stuck in their heads right now. And remember the bright, frenetic glory of “Friend Like Me”? And of course, Jafar was the perfect villain: creepy, vaguely pedophile-ish, mustached, evil. TWO THUMBS UP.

3. Peter Pan

Based on my favorite book of all time, Peter Pan certainly has a special place in my heart. Captain Hook is a man’s man, and Never Never Land has always been my top choice in the Which Disney World Would You Like to Live In game. Even though WENDY DARLING ugggh I have always hated that character, don’t even get me started.

2. The Lion King

The Lion King is the closest thing to a flawless animated movie that Walt Disney Studios has every produced. The music is amazing. The characters are sympathetic, and the voice actors were impeccably chosen. The death of Mufasa is one of the most heart-wrenching scenes in cinematic history. The parallel storyline to Macbeth is totally bad-ass.

AAAAAAAAAANNNNDDDDD

1. The Jungle Book

It’s The Jungle Book for the win! Are you surprised? Keep in mind, I’m not saying this is the very best movie that Walt Disney Studios has produced—I think The Lion King takes that crown. This one just happens to be one of my favorites to watch. There’s nothing I can really put my finger on—the dialogue, the music, and the style of animation just suit my taste perfectly.

IT'S DONE. Whew! What a wild ride! Now it's time for the intense discussion, let's make it happen!

A Different Take on Disney Greats...

2011-04-28T09:35:00.001-06:00

WELL!!!!! How little I know! In preparation for compiling my own Disney list I visited Wikipedia’s chronological list of movies. First I knew in order to do this list I would have to compartmentalize the movies into various sections. Three sections cover animated films, Classics, Lost Years, and Golden Age. Following the divisions and associate rankings I shall compile a top 20 list that considers the Disney franchise as a whole. It is here that I must disagree with Kelsen’s methods. Pixar/live action cannot be separated permanently. I think if a movie has characters represented in the Disney parks their related movies must be considered as park of the whole. Also in respecting legal jargon, let it be said that should any characters not be represented by costumed employees they are not excluded from being part of the larger whole.

Classics:
Here’s where I became humbled by how much I didn’t know about when Disney movies were released. In my mind I considered the Classic era (animation only) to begin with Snow White and ending with 101 Dalmatians. However, here I got one of the greater shocks of my life. Robin Hood was released in 1973!! I always thought it was in the time frame of Cinderella. But now I know and therefore, the Classic Era begins with Snow White and ends with Robin Hood. 16 fully animated films are in this era so I’ll cut out six and provide a top ten.
10: Jungle Book. Mowgli always kinda bothered me. I just never connected with him as a main character. The supporting cast is the best part of that show, even the villains despite their failure to eliminate the annoying Mowgli. Also the motivation of all the characters is totally jacked. Shere Kahn? Why does he even care? Baloo? His preoccupation with Mowgli always kinda creeped me. Only the snake is properly motivated by desired caloric intake, but his voice is also shared by Winnie the Pooh and that’s sacrilege. But all its faults considered I still prefer Jungle Book to Snow White and Aristocats. I only like Thumper and Flower in Bambi. Alice and Wonderland was too sycodelic to be allowed in my house, and the other 2 films of this era I’m unfamiliar with.
9: Dumbo. Really great in every way but the competition in this era is just steps above Dumbo.
8: Pinocchio. I didn’t know this was Disney’s 2nd film but that explains the lower animation quality. I also have never been that crazy about Pinocchio I this because of its intensity and frightening sequences which must have bothered me as a child. I hate Monstro!! And the tuna and all the other villains in the film.
7: 101 Dalmatians. I love the little puppies and Cruella Deville is classic.
6: Peter Pan. Shut it Ken. This is becoming difficult. Originally I put Lady and the Tramp at 7 but the more I thought about it the more it the more I liked it. This pushed Peter Pan back which has no flaws but is simply edged out according to my tastes.
5: Lady and the Tramp. Love it all. Jock and Trustee rock, but the truth as to what pushed this film up to number 5 was when I remembered the zoo scene with the lisp laden beaver.
4: Cinderella. Jaq and Gus Gus, nuff said.
3: The Sword and the Stone. This take the Bronze because of Madame Mimm. This movie is quoted by myself and my family constantly. Arthur is a completely pure underdog character that you love to cheer on. Also I first saw this movie when I was 8 years old at my uncle’s house while on vacation with my grandparents, and that trip was awesome.
2: Robin Hood. Everything about this movie rocks my socks all night and day. On and on it goes with coolness. Right now I’m thinking of each scene and as they flash through my mind I just love them more.
1: Sleeping Beauty. This film is a work of art. I love how it has its own style of animation. Even the background is richly drawn. In the Disney villain death match Maleficent would hands down slaughter all takers fool enough to challenge her. But the reason for Sleeping Beauty’s number one status is the fairies. They are respectively my Grandma Carol and her sisters. Aunt Helen the oldest is obviously Flora, Aunt Marie is Fauna (I’m pretty sure they are clones of each other) and my Grandma Carol is Merryweather.

The Lost Years
From the “Lost Years” come some films that are grand and some best left forgotten. For simplicity the Lost Years span from 1974-1989. Here we find the arguable low march in Disney animation history, The Black Cauldron. Also in the Lost Years I will address Winnie the Pooh, the reason for this is that the three films were released as a set during the Lost Years but of course they were released individually during the Classic era, I admit it’s an odd choice but whatever. Also I consider The Rescuers Down Under to be part of the Lost Years despite its having been released in 1990 this is because of its stark contrast to the members of the Golden Age and it is not only a sequel to a Lost Years classic but it also has the feel and lack of songs that characterize films from the Lost Years.
Ranking of this era is quick and simple. Giving consideration to the Lost Years films were mentioning only they are ordered from like to beyond love: The Fox and The Hound, The Rescuers, The Great Mouse Detective, The Rescuers Down Under (Ken this film is absolutely worth a 2nd look. The best part is when the koala lists off what articles of clothing his fellow captives will become, “Frank will be . . . A purse, ooo a lovely lady’s purse.” John Candy also lends voice to Wilbur the Albatross who has his own wonderful side story. Beyond this one day only a couple of years ago (post mission) my siblings and I had a full on craving for this show, and were nearly driven mad when we couldn’t find it because it had been taken to the office in Coalville to entertain my niece. When we realized this we drove instantly to Coalville to retrieve it because there was no other movie in the world that could have satisfied us at that moment.) , and The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (I’ll reserve my comments until my overall list where this appears).

Golden Age
The “Golden Age” began with the Little Mermaid. I call it the Golden Age because it marks the renewal of Disney as a filmmaker and the birth of modern Disney. The Golden Age is defined by 4 films, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, and The Lion King. This era is marked by the epic nature of the films and the astounding music, culminating in grand crescendo with The Lion King. They also managed to capture the princess mystic which is no easy task. Pocahontas managed to capture the full feeling and style of a film from the Golden Age but I think all would agree with me that it was a little lacking. Honestly I’m tempted to say that the four films that define the Golden Age are the only ones in the era, but I’ll settle for a bumpy decline beginning with Pocahontas, dropping significantly with The Hunchback of Notre Dame, tanking with Hercules (which I am quite fond of but the sharp change in animation style always bothered me and was a huge departure from the Golden Age style), and making an honorable conclusion with Mulan. It is the Golden Age that the Princess and the Frog tried, with arguable results, to recreate. After the Golden Age of animation is the irrelevant era (Pixar excluded of course), an era still holding an iron grasp today. An era of such shameful trash that if you want to know what they are look them up yourself. One film surprisingly worth mentioning is Lilo and Stitch.

Golden Age Rankings: The Hunchback of Notre Dame don’t like
Bottom-Pocahontas,
The Lion King
Mulan
Aladdin
The Little Mermaid
Hercules
Top-Beauty and the Beast

Pixar:
I’ll be brief (a lie). There are 11 and all are worth consideration, but I think we are all aware of each films merits and by simply ranking them my preferences will become apparent. First let me say that the amazing thing about Pixar is their ability to tell a story with innocence and a complete absence of cheese, (which comes from trying too hard). This genuine innocence and purity is a hallmark of the Classic era whose zenith can be seen in the Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. The major flaw with the Golden era, and the reason why none of those films will make it into my top 20, is their failure to achieve this holy grail of animated film making. Even Pixar doesn’t always capture this feeling, but they have and that fact is truly staggering, because the Classic era was created during a more wholesome time. A time when right was right and wrong was wrong and most people knew the difference, where some innocence still remained in the world. To understand what I’m talking about simply watch the Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh and then watch five minutes of any of its sequels (I know it’s painful). Disney has lost its innocence, and honestly only Pixar out of all film makers in the world are able to create stories that echo purer films.
Now to business
11: Ratatouille. Honestly I don’t really even like this one but it’s nice because every list needs a bottom
10: WALL-E. I agree that WALL-E doesn’t get his due, and his position as number 10 on the Pixar list is nothing to be ashamed of, that’s like taking 10th place in the 100 meter dash at the Olympics, though 10th there are countless behind you. This movie did so many cool things, it was a silent movie for the first half. WALL-E gets pushed behind the others because of his lack of subtlety, he was a bit too preachy, and a bit too obvious about it.
9: A Bug’s Life. A fine film but I don’t think about it very often
8: Monster’s Inc. It has its moments but it seldom jumps of the shelf at me.
7: Cars. Great fun and Lightning McQueen’s journey of self-discovery is well executed.
6: Toy Story. For typical reasons, most notably the mindblowing originality of the film, and the timeless characters created.
Getting more difficult. . .
5: Toy Story 3. I, with all other people possessing souls, cried when our beloved toys inched towards inferno. And yet I put Toy Story 3 in the number 5 spot because I felt that, while appropriate, the constant references to the other two movies didn’t completely satisfy me. And honestly I didn’t like the ending. I don’t feel that I have to grow up and let go of my toys and imagination and transition into a bland adulthood. Obviously this is not what the makers of Pixar did, just look at their “child’s dream” office building.
4: UP. I, with all other people possessing a soul, cried through the opening scene it is high water mark for Pixar’s story telling mastery. I also like that they didn’t try take us to those emotional depths again, they let us rise and ride the winds of fancy. We were able to move on to a new place with the characters.
3: Toy Story 2. Honestly I think this is where Toy Story reached perfection. The characters were fully developed and able to take an airy adventure without the baggage of concluding anything. I cried during 3 because I laughed through 2.
2: Finding Nemo. Pixar at its absolute best. Finding Nemo not only possesses all the aspects that make Pixar great, but takes these aspects to their highest achievement. Originality, Characters, Humor, Correctly Balanced Emotion, they’re all there in unrivaled quantity. I rank Finding Nemo as Pixar’s best work. I saw it opening day and having arrived right on time ended up laying on the floor at the front of the theater, this was beneficial because being already on the floor I couldn’t fall out of my chair with laughter. I simply rolled around on the soda, sugar, and butter soaked floor clutching myself with unbridled laughter.
1: The Incredibles. What? AJ have you lost your small mind? You just said Finding Nemo was the best Pixar movie and yet you put The Incredibles in the number one spot. Ah yes, Finding Nemo is the best but The Incredibles is my favorite. I can and have watched this one the most. I have not tired of the repetition I love it completely every time. It is my soul mate in movie form. Perhaps like me Pixar found itself dissatisfied with X-Men despite their love of the idea. So Pixar decided to do superheroes right, and right the did!!

Live Action:
18: The Rocketeer. This show was on tv the other day and it sparked an investigation. I could not understand how Jennifer Connolly had gotten vastly more attractive with age. A quick internet search followed by a photo comparison revealed how this was possible. She had a nose job! Her brilliant plastic surgeon built up the bridge of her nose. She may have also had her cheeks thinned. Long story short The Rocketteer is a pretty good flick.
17: The Three Musketeers. This movie also came from the 90’s. Charlie Sheen wasn’t crazy then (or at least could conceal it). All the action is actually really good.
16: 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Unlike the book this movie is actually good. Great characters and flow.
15: The Parent Trap (original). Hayley Mills did a fine job in this movie and didn’t go crazy (so far as we know) afterwards and become a major ho bag. Besides this emotional stability the movie also doesn’t suck and make me want to claw my bleeding eyes out like the horrible remake.
14: Pollyanna. Can you not love this show? It is an example of the ability Disney used to have to make wholesome entertainment. Could you imagine if they tried to remake Pollyanna?
13: Old Yeller. While this movie is classic I must say it is a classic example of how Disney tries to jack with a person’s emotions. I haven’t read the book but it probably does end the same way but tragic dog deaths are not really needed.
12: The Shaggy Dog. The kid that shot Old Yeller paid his dues by becoming cursed to turn into a dog at inopportune times that result in hilariously awkward moments.
11: Darby O’Gill and the Little People. Before he became Ian Flemming’s James Bond 007 Sir Sean Connery was romping around with leprechauns trying to save his love from the Banshee of death.
10: Herbie Rides Again. A lot of the experience I had in my young years with Disney live action movies was because my Grandma Bell would record them and then give them to us. All these random Disney movies are floating around my house. One of the best of these is Herbie Rides Again. This show climaxes with Herbie chasing a man on the wires of the Golden Gate Bridge.
9: Snowba ll Express. This show was taped on the same tape as 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Here a man is caught in the rat race of New York when he receives a hotel in Colorado from a long lost uncle. He uproots his family and moves them out there only to find that the hotel is a dilapidated disaster. He tries to turn it into a ski resort but disaster ensues. Great Great! Classic Disney live action randomness.
8: In Search of the Castaways. Hayley Mills is back again. Here her father is a sea captain that got lost. A French biologist finds a letter in a bottle inside a shark from this lost father. The children and the Frenchie try to convince their father’s boss to go after him. The Boss turns them down but his snobby son changes his mind because he’s smitten with young Hayley’s beauty and feist. Off they go on a grand adventure around the world.
7: The Ugly Dachshund. One of my favorites, it would have scored higher but the closer you get to the top the more intense the competition gets. In this show a family’s vet gives them a great Dane puppy when their dachshund has puppies. This dog’s large size leads to plenty of zany mayhem. As you’ll see the competition heats up after this point and a lower grade movie like this can’t keep up with the big dogs.
6: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. Definitely the greatest pirate movie ever! If there was a genre before it was rewritten by this film. And yet it shows the shamelessness that modern Disney displays when raping their own creations for money.
5: Pete’s Dragon: Ken I can’t believe you forgot this movie in your list. For coming out of the 70’s it is a really solid movie. The music in this is just as impressive as anything Disney has done.
4: The Swiss Family Robinson. How could you go wrong with desert island strandings? You can’t. Never mind that hyenas, zebras and tigers don’t really go together but who cares. The pirates in this movie are Asian which is a nice change. And the family has such a grand time that they when given the chance they don’t want to leave their tree house paradise. A girl even shows up disguised as a cabin boy and provides a love interest for the two sons to fight over. And who plays the dishy Roberta, yes Sean Connery’s love interest in Darby O’Gill and the Little People.
3: Bed Knobs & Broomsticks. Love, love, love this flick!! I don’t have much to say about its greatness but if you’ve seen it you know how rad it is.
2: Mary Poppins. Honestly old Mary sugar goes down just barely squeaked in front of Bed Knobs & Broomsticks. Possibly because she won the best actress academy award for this role and the beyond loveable Angela Lansbury did not.
1: The Story of Robin Hood and His Merrie Men. Surprisingly the best live action Disney movie was only the 2nd live action movie they made. As you can see from this list it’s a good thing they didn’t quit while they were ahead but they hit gold.

Top 20 Overall
Now I’m afraid this list will be rife with hypocrisy because I’m pretty sure I'm going to rank movies in the overall list above movies which they scored under in the categories area. But I have a reasons, for an overall list I’m taking into account the desert island factor. Basically if I can only have 20 Disney movies to watch for the rest of forever what would they be. This changes things, I may like one movie more than another but I watch the other more often. I’m also taking into consideration the quotable factor. But it’s really boiling down to the oddity that a movie may edge out its peers when lumped together into categories, but when the chips are down and the pressures on in the overall group where considerations are different movies pull ahead unexpectedly.
20: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
19: Lady and the Tramp
18: Aladdin (Beauty and the Beast). Here’s a case where a movie that got 4th in the Golden Age oddly becomes the only movie from the Golden Age to even make the final list. OR!! Would have been except that Aladdin is now playing on the Disney channel and Beauty and the Beast is clearly better. Further my roommate and I just had a Belle vs. Jasmine debate which only further pushed Beauty and the Beast ahead. Jasmine was born a princess which means while she may be cute and flirty during courtship her haggy, spoiled claws would come out 6 months into the marriage. But Belle . . . she’s nice from the start and becomes a princess for her ability to love a beast.
17: In Search of the Castaways
16: Pete’s Dragon
15: Peter Pan
14: Cinderella
13: Swiss Family Robison
12: Toy Story 3
11: Up
10: Sleeping Beauty. Here’s where the most hypocrisy comes in. Movies in the Classic Age find themselves all reshuffled for the final cut. Sleeping Beauty which was number one falls back significantly.
9: Mary Poppins. Edged out in the final by Bedknobs and Broomsticks
8: Toy Story 2
7: Finding Nemo
6: Bedknobs and Broomsticks
5: The Sword and the Stone
4: The Story of Robin Hood and His Merrie Men (Live Action)
3: The Incredibles
2: Robin Hood (Animation)
1: Winnie the Pooh. Why is Winnie the Pooh the greatest Disney film ever made? There are countless reasons but I only need cite one. When I first watched The 6th Sense I was properly scared and unable to sleep. My solution? Plug in Winnie the Pooh, its pure entertainment chased all the baddies away.

THE FIRST 60! Pairing Will Follow!

2011-04-22T17:02:00.001-06:00

I cannot believe how much time I invested in compiling this list. Everyone better think it's awesome.

60 - The Brave Little Toaster. Did anyone even know this was a Disney?! I remember glimpses of this movie and they were all positive but a general lack of remembrance works to insure the relative obscurity of everyone's favorite toaster.

59 - Atlantis: The Lost Empire. Let's be serious. This was an awesome idea for a movie that didn't get the resources directed properly. It had Michael J. Fox and James Gardner, an awesome story, and it still seemed cheesy! But, for effort expended, it makes the first cut. We'll see if it's inherently likable(ness) wins itself into my final list!

58 - Treasure Planet. Another adventure movie that could have been awesome but never seemed to make it off the ground for me. I thought there were some really cool ideas but they were never capitalized on. Still, it's animation was awesome and the conceptualization was very cool.

57 - Pocahontas. Blah. I only threw this up here to make fun of it. This movie had a couple good songs, a lot of lame dialogue, and even worse political overtones. Think of Brother Bear without good music and you have Pocahontas. I won't say the message is entirely off, but it's totally overdone and I just can't enjoy it that much.

56 - 101 Dalmations. Eh. I never really liked this one. A fellow on my mission who worked for Pixar told me that it was his favorite Disney movie which strongly inspired me to look for its redeeming features, but I couldn't ever really find them. Cruella de Ville was obviously an awesome bad guy, and other moments worked to make it enjoyable as a film, but I just couldn't ever fall in love with it. Eh.

55 - Bambi. I'm not sure why, but I could never get into Bambi. Maybe it's the fact that it's about a sissy dear until the end of the movie when he finally becomes a mature stud and vanquishes his opposition, maybe it's b/c his mom died and that was literally my worst fear growing up, maybe it's b/c of the skunk whose species I despise, I don't know.

54 - A Goofy Movie. Although its storyline represents everything about movies that I despise (pop music and the Michael Jackson wannabe, juvenile kids punking their parents and then learning a lesson), etc. this movie throws me right back to the 90s and makes me feel right at home with my Vanilla Ice hair cut and Teenage Mutant Turtle underwear (R).

53 - The Little Mermaid. I will not stoop low enough on the machissimo level to admit to liking this movie more than I barely have to. Sebastian was entertaining, the sharks were terrifying, and Ursela reminded me of certain people (who we won't name).

52 - Meet the Robinsons. Three things save this otherwise blase film: the T-rex's line about having short arms, Tom Selleck's short shot as the kid describes his dad, and Tom Selleck's cameo as the father. ONE MORE! Michael Goobian. His name is Michael Goobian, but people call him Goob. Except for the day he missed the catch, that day they called him Butterfingers, and Booger Breath. It's nice to see they branched out.

51 - The Rescuers Down Under. I don't remember a whole lot about this movie, but I remember the bad dude singing home on the range and the rare birds having very expensive feathers. Again though, my memories were positive and it deserves a re-watch which hopefully insulates my enjoyment of the movie.

50 - The Rescuers. Same as above.

49-Mighty Ducks. I'll admit it. I watched it. Rewatched it. Rewatched it again, and was convinced that I needed to become a professional hockey player. If only I'd been raised in Canada....

48-Angels in the Outfield. Same as above. Except replace hockey with baseball and Canada with New York/Cuba.

47-Dumbo. I really loved the mouse and the crows singing, "When I See an Elephant Fly", and besides that I don't really remember a whole lot about this movie. Thus, while not ranking at the bottom it isn't coming anywhere near my prime spots.

45-Alice In Wonderland (the old one). OFF WITH HER HEAD! That scene, and the croquet scene with the flamingos, as well as the Merry Un-birthday song, insure that even for all its ecstasy-ness this movie makes it to the top 50!

44-Mulan. Another great story which lacked....something. It had good music, great acting, a great group of supporters and yet somehow it lacks what made other movies great. I loved the writing however and the villains were awesome.

43-The Adventures of Ichabod. You will notice that I broke up the iconic pair on account of the fact that the Adventures of Mr. Toad are obviously better than those Ichabod. However, Ichabod makes it as high as he does on account of the emotional imprint his being chased by that Satan spirit had on my desires to walk around deserted roads at night, and b/c it's a great movie about old New England.

42-The Sword in the Stone. Two complaints: too short and not enough awesomeness. The movie was about King Arthur and his mystic guide and while Disney could have worked to make this movie a little bit more of everything I feel a lacking panache. The fight between Merlin and Madame Mim was awesome though, and the trip through the animal kingdom with Merlin and Arthur was also enjoyable.

41-The Adventures of Mr. Toad. A great movie about money wasted on the nobility and the subsequent rise of the prodigal to deserve his fortune. I loved this movie. It was dark, it warned against profligate materialism, it had prison breaks, gun fights, and mob bosses.

40-Tarzan. The concept was cool, the music was awesome, and any movie with Silverback Gorillas is bound to be awesome.

39-The Princess and the Frog. I was less than impressed with what was supposed to be the come-back kid for the 2D display. The protagonists were lame, the story was start and stop, and some of the songs felt a bit forced. While the Shadow Man was awesome and the jazz music was great, they couldn't rise to what were undoubtedly too high of expectations.

38-Cool Runnings. WHAT?! THIS MOVIE MADE IT THIS FAR UP MY LIST! YOU BETCHA'! This movie has John Candy, running, and the unbeatable Swiss! Plus, the raps are awesome, and the mean black guy wants to live with the Queen!

37-Hocus Pocus. The best Halloween movie ever. The witches are awesome, the lame delivery of the protagonist is offset by memorable moments ("Hey Hollywood, the shoes are great!" and "I. Smell. Children.") and it comes off reinforcing your hatred of sin and Satanic forces (not really, but I had to throw it in there)!

36-Snow White. While not my most favorite of the love stories, Snow White pulls at the heart strings and builds the momentum pretty well for the casual watcher, and coupled with its prima materia place in the pantheon it will always hold a special place in the hearts of Disney lovers.

35-James and the Giant Peach. Totally not in a mean way, but this kid always reminded me of Luke. He has a hyper-active sense of adventure, he makes friends with the most interesting people, and his parents were eaten by a rhinoceros thus making his adoption necessary (wait, did Luke not know he was adopted?! OH NO!). It had great songs and good animation.

34-Lady and the Tramp. While I do not really enjoy this movie, it has four songs which rank very very near the top of my list of Disney songs (Bella Notte, He's a Tramp [by Peggy Lee!], We Are Siamese [who all people watching this show are now programmed to hate], and Peace on Earth), and for that reason only makes it this high on my list!

33-Ratatouille. I cannot believe this movie isn't higher on the list. It's about cooking and Paris, two of my most favorite things in the world. OH WAIT! NOW I REMEMBER! This movie does so poorly because it casts the worst, most annoying protagonist of all existence to play the bumbling doofus of a wannabe chef. I could not believe how bad the guy was when I first saw the movie. Despite its promising beginning, the movie could never aspire higher than its co-lead, and that was unfortunate, because it could have been awesome.

32-Enchanted. GISELLE (bite knuckle)! A great ensemble couldn't overcome a lamely delivered story, but they certainly did their best and the result wasn't that bad.

31-Robin Hood. I love that this movie manages to take a potentially controversial topic (stealing from the rich and giving to the poor) and make all the bad guys seem like such bungling profligates that you don't feel an ounce of pity for them. I also love the supporting cast, especially Friar Tuck and the kids. The scene where the Turtle kid says, "Yay Dad!" at the archery fair is priceless. That and other good moments manage to make this a save from the 70s (a rarity indeed).

30-The Great Mouse Detective. Rattigan! The World's Most Famous Rat! Such were the lines that made me forever hate rats, cats (who are only the rats stooges), and any entity plotting against the Royal family. This movie was clever, enjoyable, and insanely intense, and deserves a higher spot in the litany than most are willing to give.

29-Muppet Treasure Island. "You put a black spot on a page of the Holy Scriptures?!" I LOVE THIS MOVIE! It doesn't rise higher on the list on account of my shame that it is so freaking awesome and it's a MUPPET MOVIE! It is for kids undoubtedly, but there's plenty of intrigue to make me continue enjoying it.

28-Sleeping Beauty. Walt Disney spent a decade and a small fortune on this movie, and his efforts were not in vain. It obviously stood out from its predecessors, and the villain (Malificent) ranks as possibly the greatest Disney villain of all time.

27-The Three Caballeros. This movie will always remind me of Luke, and for that reason will always be one of my favorites. It gets a little trippy at times and the end seems forced and with literally no rhyme or reason to it, but some great songs, a healthy dose of Latin culture, and one of the most beautiful songs of all time (You Belong to My Heart) insure the lasting impression this movie will have on me.

25-Cars. Even though I know Kelsi will give me the judgment eyes for placing this movie so high, I'm going to do it anyway, but for a very good reason. This movie reminds me of driving with Gramps across the deserts of Nevada and thinking about how cool he was for driving a truck and listening to Rush Limbaugh. It is a dive in nostalgia lane! Even though it was lacking in substance (to the max) and was saved only by the superior delivery of three supporting characters (Mater, Luigi and Guido), this movie has a special place in my heart.

24-The Emperor's New Groove. BOOM! BABY! YOU THREW OFF THE EMPEROR'S GROOVE! David Spade, John Goodman, Eartha Kitt, and Patrick Warburton deliver a totally Aztec(ian) adventure with style in this movie. While the substance was definitely lacking, the moments of hilarity were not, and this movie delivered them in droves.

23-Tangled. O. M. The animation for this movie was beyond incredible. The lantern scene was literally unbelievable. After conversing with Kelsi, I pinpointed the few rough spots that in my opinion prevent this movie from rising any higher than it currently sits. They are: too short, lame delivery by Flynn and poor narration, and not enough action. It just seems to go too quickly. However (and I can't believe I'm saying this), Rapunzel is going to go down as one of the better princesses in my opinion, she's believable (if that's possible for a Disney princess), adventurous, and she drew moon charts on her ceiling. Come on.

22-The Hunchback of Notre Dame. The bells started ringing around 6 months ago. Kristin and I decided to rewatch Hunchback of Notre Dame in honor of our trip to Paris, and we were both blown away. The music, color, villain, supporting cast, and setting were incredible! While I felt like the leads could have gone stronger, the shortcomings were more than made up for, and this movie has serious lasting appeal.

21-Toy Story. And thus it begins. As Kelsi and I discussed, it's almost unfair to put Pixar movies on this list (on account of their complete domination), but I feel it's appropriate, and Toy Story, while not my favorite Disney/Pixar, definitely moves its way to the top of the list. It is the movie that started it all, and they started with a perfect story and a perfect cast.

20-Toy Story 2. And thus it continues. I enjoyed Toy Story 2 more than the first, several concepts were awesome (including starting with the epic opener [portender of things to come!]), and overall it was an awesome movie, even if it will now and ofrever be infinitely overshadowed by its luminous sequel.

19-The Jungle Book. A score of awesome characters (especially Khan) and a beautiful story work to place this movie in the top of my selection with very little effort. I will always enjoy watching Mogli and Baloo meander through the forests and learn about growing up and taking responsibility together, it's beautiful....

18-WALL-E. I think this movie got a bad rap, and it shouldn't have. While it does feel at moments like its Artificial Intelligence Pixar-style, it still manages to incorporate beautiful vistas, beautiful music, and a beautiful message about not being fat into a charming piece of robo-mania. Thanks Pixar.

17-Pinocchio. I love this movie. It's about family, becoming a real person, avoiding sin and vice (!), thinking critically in the bellies of whales, looking for divine assistance at the most desperate times, and always being true to your self. The greatest moral lessons ever given by Disney were delivered in this beautiful movie. It might not have all the actions we would want, but it excels at everything it attempts.

16-The Nightmare Before Christmas. I started about thinking where to place this movie, and the more I thought about it and its insanely awesome music the higher I wanted to place it. While I cannot quote the entire movie, I can sing each and every one of its songs, and any song involving the Boogeyman still gives me the shudders. I love this movie.

15-Monster's Inc. I don't know why, but I really really love Monster's Inc. Even though it has no standout greatness that I can think of, it just seems to be a beautiful movie and I enjoy it so much every time I watch it. Hm.

14-Cinderella. Even though it makes me look like a total girl, I will admit to really liking this movie. HOWEVER! It is only b/c it reminds me of Kristin (on account of her deep love for the movie, not her status as a servant heir) and the song, So This is Love, in many ways defines our relationship. SO THERE! VERY GOOD REASONS TO LOVE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MOVIE! I AM NO SISSY! I WILL ARM WRESTLE ANYONE WHO DISAGREES! (p.s. the cat's name is Lucipher, and if that's not an effective way to sub-conciously get kids to hate Satan I don't know what is.)

13-Bedknobs and Broomsticks. Primarily for the opening song (The Soldiers of the Old Home Guard [That's who!]) and the strong and entertaining role played by David Tomlinson make this movie so enjoyable for me. That and it's about beating the Nazis. Damn Nazis. I also must admit to strong nostalgic (but unplaceable) feelings tied to this movie, and the Beautiful Briny Sea is an awesome song.

12-Who Framed Roger Rabbit! Another awesome live-action/animation film sponsored by the Happiest Company on Earth, though you might not know it from a cursory glance of this film. But everything in it was balanced perfectly and it delivered its stellar-ness stellar-ly. I rewatched it a couple of months ago and I was honestly astounded at how much I enjoyed it. The actors were great, the story tugged at your heart (in the sense of you wanted both progress and nostalgic indulgence, but you couldn't have both!), and they used the blend of live-action and animation as perfectly as could be expected.

11-Hercules. Only Disney can successfully blend a gospel revival with Greek mythology and make it come off in such pitch perfect fashion. I love Hercules. I'll admit I'm a sucker for Greek mythology, but Disney gives you more than you'd expect in a film that could have been so much worse. I especially love that although the movie is decidedly pop-history oriented they still managed to work in some cool tidbits on Greek mythology (Hercules genuine attire [and Scar as his throw], Hephaestus being so incredibly ugly, Hermes being a bit, well, metro). It was an immensely entertaining film.

10-Finding Nemo. Hello. My name's Bruce....That moment and its subsequent scene will entertain me for the rest of my life. Every moment of this movie's multiple story lines were engaging, the dad and Dory, Nemo in the aquarium (Shark Bait! Ooh ha ha), the tortoises and the EAC! It was wonderful.

9-Beauty and the Beast. I'll admit it, when Disney pulled out all the stops on this one, they really pulled the stops out. They presented a beautiful movie in beautiful style and they nailed it's delivery. It has an incredible assortment of all types of characters with a multiplicity of personalities and it keeps it going from beginning to end with an incredible array of musical presentations.

8-A Bug's Life. Until Up and Toy Story 3 came along, this was my most favorite Pixar movie, and it's all because of the cast. It was, in my opinion, the best assortment of characters in any movie that Disney or Pixar produced (with the very possible exception of Toy Story 3, but I don't think so). Heimlich screaming as the bird of doom was ready to eviscerate his maturing and corpulescent abdomen will go down as one of the greatest moments in animation history. Count on it.

7-Mary Poppins. Let's get right down to it. This. Movie. Is. Awesome. Julie Andrews singing beautifully but sternly, Dick van Dyke faking a terrible Cockney accent, a score of incredible songs and a finale of death and kite-flying, no live-action/animation film tops Mary Poppins. Even my love for Bedknobs and Broomsticks couldn't beat it. This movie is timeless, quotable, and infinitely enjoyable.

6-Pirates of the Caribbean. That's right. One of my top picks isn't even an animated film! "What? Kenny, no! This can't happen!" SILENCE! Despite the subsequent massacre of this movie's continued storyline, the original will go down as one of the best pirate movies of all time. While I have my qualms about certain sailing aspects of the movie (holes in sails [which is not even necessary, even for haunted boats], the lack of destruction when the Black Pearl broadsides the Interceptor (where the weight difference in shot is extreme to say the least), and the fact that anyone listens to Knightly as she acts like a pretentious babbler) I cannot deny the near mastery of film and stage portrayed in its vaunted parameters. Jack Sparrow is now a legend, pirates and sailing are once again in vogue, and there's plenty of booty to spare! YA-HAR!

5-Up. Even though I just met you, I love you. I've thought a lot about why this movie is so insanely appealing, and my conclusion has been that it is literally universally enjoyable. It doesn't matter what generation you are, this movie reaches out and says something to you that strikes at the very core of your being. It's spiritual at times, tragic at others, and incredibly adventurous all throughout. It involves a dirigible longer than 20 prohibition paddy-wagons, an insane Ahab on the hunt for his multi-colored chick Moby Dick, and a man in search of wholeness, and it does it all without ever letting you down or thinking you are being emotionally yanked around.

4-Lion King! I'm not sure why (I know it's know my nostalgia), but I'm impressed that the 90s produced two of my most favorite Disney films. Lion King, while in my opinion not as entertaining as Aladdin, was decidedly more epic, and delivered everything you would expect a thunder-rolling cultural achievement to deliver. I still marvel at the incredible talent Disney is able to enlist for its voices and music, and Jeremy Irons and Elton John epitomize that star-grabbing power. While not the best villain of all time, Jeremy Irons as Scar is nearly my most favorite, and Timon and Pumbaa are arguably the strongest and most popular supporting actors of any Disney film.

3-Aladdin! Ah, yeah. Even though it couldn't knock out Peter Pan and Toy Story 3, this once in a lifetime movie goes down for being the 3rd best film to emerge from the vaults of an unfolding Disney mantra. It shall go down as a story renowned for its adventure, betrayal, love, longing, aspirations for royalty, in addition to the greatest single performance of any Disney character. Ever.

2-Toy Story 3. "DONDE ESTA MI NAVE?! MI FLOR DEL DESIERTO! Ven conmigo y vamos a conquistar la galaxia con nuestron amor!" Come on. The five minutes of Buzz as a Spanish Matador/Space Ranger would have been enough to seal this movie's awesomeness for time and all eternity, but they didn't stop there. Despite the many reasons I wanted Lion King and Aladdin to be better than Toy Story 3, I just couldn't justify it in my mind. This was the most entertaining Disney film I have ever seen, it had a perfect cast, with a perfect story, delivered perfectly, and it made Barbie cool. It helped you appreciate friendship, made you scared to throw away your toys, and helped reassure us that: yes, in fact sequels can rock the foundations of your movie existence in ways never imagined possible after Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and 3. I LOVE this MOVIE!

1 - Peter Pan! Would you have expected me to pick something different? Come on. It's about the classic adventure, the immature but dauntless wonderboy (me of course), and it has pirates, indians, and flying!!! I'll never be able to let this one go. Even though its action scenes aren't the best, this story is perfectly told and it has everything that a boy could ask for. I am inspired to go on an adventure every time after having seen it and also to make sure that I am getting the most out of life, and if a movie can do that what more can we ask for?

SO THERE! LET'S HAVE AT IT! WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSES CHOICES!

Hitler's Spy Chief - The Wilhelm Canaris Mystery

2011-04-11T08:20:00.002-06:00

I've had this book for a while but I finally took the time to sit down and read it right before we left for Paris and finished it on the plane ride there. It's about Wilhelm Canaris, a naval officer in Germany who served as chief of the Abwehr and was continually seeking to undermine Hitler's regime.

The author doesn't paint Canaris in too positive of a light, he was a Nazi after all, but he stresses the sincere efforts Canaris made to work against Hitler's insane policies.

A good book on an unknown WWII topic, 8/10.

YO SOY BACKO!

2011-03-28T14:20:00.014-06:00

I know that Kelsi and AJ have missed me and my awesomeness for the past little bit, and repentance is nigh. LET US BEGIN! The following is a co
bbled list of the books I have read
for the past little bit:

Law, Legislation and Liberty (again) by F.A. Hayek. 9/10!

I only reread the first volume which discusses rules and order and how they emerge spontaneously. It's a great read for those who love freedom!

Deconstructing the Republic by Anthony Peacock. 8/10!

A great and short (200 pages) book about how the

Voting Rights Act has corrupted the voting process and perverted the Founder's conception of republican, individual-based government. Great for arguing with your liberal friends!

Politics by Aristotle. 9.5/10!

The only reason this got 9.5 is that even after rereading a bunch of the sections I still struggled to understand some of what Aristotle was trying to say. Aristotle talks about the natures of the different kinds of governments and which of those are best (Aristocracy of course!) and other interesting things, like how to treat your slaves and the proper role of women (you'd love it Kelsi!). A must for everyone who doesn't want to be considered stupid.

One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. 9/10!

A beautiful book about one day in the life of a Siberian concentration camp prisoner. It is simply beautiful. It is fiction, but based on the experiences of people who lived there. It's not gruesome or anything, and I think everyone who reads it will love it.

Notes from the Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky. 8/10!

It only gets 8/10 because the book makes me so sad and Dostoevsky really highlights terrible and evil feelings that we all experience, and because the protagonist thinks and writes in a fairly sporadic style that seems a little unbelievable at times. Overall, it's beautiful, like all Russian masterpieces.

Road to Serfdom by F.A. Hayek. 9.5/10!

What can I say? Hayek rocks. This is a partisan piece on how the Socialist programs of Europe could lead to the same Totalitarian philosophy that overtook Germany and caused the Second World War. It is short and concise. A MUST!

Faiths of Our Fathers by Alfred Mapp. 5/10....

This book gets a poor score due to my perception of it as bad history. It's title should be, The Founding Fathers Were All Christians In Some Form or Another and Here's Why....It's not so much that I disagreed with the book as that if I weren't a Christian and I read the book I would be more convinced than ever that the stories about the Founding Fathers being Christian were myths and propaganda promulgated by poor histories such as this one. I admit that my perception is limited by my lack of education, but it still struck me poorly.

(FIRST OFF! Check out Calhoun's hair, does he look like the classic conception of Satan or what?!)

Union and Liberty, a collection of works by John C. Calhoun. 8.5/10!

Although Calhoun supported slavery as a positive institution for society, he made brilliant constitutional arguments about that and other things which still influence the debates concerning constitutional problems and questions. I loved this book and shall reread it to gain a better understanding of how John Calhoun got such awesome hair!

The Anti-Federalist Papers. 8.5/10!

The original (and not stupid) tea-partiers! Read what they thought about the inability to stop the expansion of the national government, the danger of the presidency, and the tyranny of the Supreme Court!

The Church Books I've read:

With Full Purpose of Heart, A Collection of Discourses and Writings of Dallin H. Oaks. 8/10! E. Oaks writes and speaks like a lawyer, and I love him for it.

To Draw Closer to God, a Collection of Discourses by Henry Eyring. 9/10!

Pres. Eyring rocks. He speaks to the heart of the matter and you can tell he is focused on getting the message of the Atonement into the hearts of his listeners.

All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience, Neal A. Maxwell. 8/10!

E. Maxwell writes a bit like C.S. Lewis, just a bit, and it makes for a short and good read full of great prose and charming thoughts. I wish he'd get a little more into it sometimes, but who can't love E. Maxwell?!

God in the Dock, a Collection of Essays by C.S. Lewis. 8/10!

It only gets 8/10 because it is not quite the concentrated apologetic work that I was expecting, but it is very good nonetheless.

SO THERE! I'm not gone, in fact, I'm back and better than freaking ever! WHO'S GOING TO CHALLENGE ME NOW?!

I read another one.

2011-03-20T08:00:00.002-06:00

This time it was Mansfield Park by Jane Austen, no big deal. On an Austenian scale, I enjoyed it more than Sense and Sensibility but less than Emma and Pride and Prejudice. It was a nice read, but didn't excite in me any feelings worth talking about on this blog.

Now I'm reading The Picture of Dorian Gray, which is excellent. Get ready to hear my feelings on that one in about a week!

Huntin w/ Ruskies!!!

2011-03-15T08:19:00.003-06:00

A week or so ago, I can't now recall, I finished The Hunt for Red October. Tom Clancy's break out thriller about submarine warfare in the cold war. It was Incredible!! I'm a huge fan of the movie, as noted by the fact that I watch it several times a year (which if you stop and think about that you'll realize watching any movie several times a year mean about every 4 months (think about it)), this being the case I'm familiar with the story line. But the book totally takes different turns!! Now I won't say Clancy is a literary genius because I felt that he brought in too many side stories, the book had ADD, but where he's the master is in his research and know how. There were so many aspects of naval stuff, tactics and all that, I never would have thought about. All I know is what the movies show me. For example when the commanding officer asks if they have a shooting solution, that process is wickedly complicated and not exact science. Cinema leads me to believe that torpedoes are point and shoot, not the case. And in the film version, and other movies I seen, subs hate to ping because it gives away their position, but in the book they just ping, ping, ping away. They have to ping in order to locate their target. Anyway the book was great, despite being extremely involved and detailed it remains engrossing. I was all wrapped up in the whole experience of the book.

My heart bleeds black

2011-03-07T00:53:00.004-07:00

KELSI'S NOTE: I did not attempt to censor myself in any way, spoiler-wise, while writing this review. So if you ever plan on reading The Sorrows of Young Werther (I advise against it) and want to be fully surprised by every plot twist, don't read this post.

I am just a reading machine lately! I recently finished The Sorrows of Young Werther by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, a book I only became interested in after seeing this comic. (Sadly, I have to thank Kate Beaton for most of the cultural influence in my life. Her comics either inform me of historical/political/literary events or prompt me to investigate them independently).

The Sorrows of Young Werther (published in 1774) is a short book about a passionate young artist named Werther. While staying in the countryside, Werther meets a lady named Charlotte and falls in love with her on first sight. However, she is already engaged to a suave older gentleman Albert (who I imagine has a mustache). Instead of doing what most normal people would do (wallow in self-pity for a while and then get over it), Werther mopes around the town, pathetically befriends Charlotte and Albert, writes 135 pages of emo poetry about how hard it is to be middle class (seriously), has to deal with a few more sucky things that he makes forty times worse by crying about them for two years, and then shoots himself with Albert's pistols (it's a metaphor).

This is what Werther would like look if he were living today. Luckily, he wouldn't be alive for long because he would soon kill himself when the local Hot Topic ran out of black nail polish.

Am I being harsh or simplistic? No, I am not. The whole book is a sob-fest about how much Werther hates his life, how much despair he feels when he is around Charlotte, how he can never possibly get over it and the only outlet is death. The entire time I was reading, all I could think was, "Emo poetry emo poetry emo poetryyyyyyyy." [In fact, I highlighted some especially dramatic passages from the story with the intention of sharing them on this blog, but for some reason my Kindle deleted them, and the thought of re-reading or even re-skimming the book makes me want to shoot myself for real (and not write three thousand sad poems about it beforehand).] Some of the philosophical insights found in the book were interesting, but they couldn't make up for the insufferable nature of the main character. It was a painful read and finishing it was a relief.

HOWEVER, while doing some post-reading research on the book, I came across an interesting fact: Goethe wrote this novel when he was 24 and loosely based it on some happenings in his own life; however, he later regretted penning the novel because of its immense success. And believe me, its success was immense (from Wikipedia):

The Sorrows of Young Werther was Goethe's first major success, turning him from an unknown into a celebrated author practically overnight ... It also started the phenomenon known as "Werther-Fieber" ("Werther Fever") which caused young men throughout Europe to dress in the clothing style described for Werther in the novel.

It reputedly also led to some of the first known examples of copycat suicide. The "Werther Fever" was watched with concern by the authorities and fellow authors.

Let's face it, if thousands of young sensitive German artist types were worshipping the literary character you created like he was the Messiah, you would be creeped out too. I imagine that Goethe suffered the type of regret that Stephanie Meyer would suffer from, if she had a conscience or a soul. It also annoyed him that, even in his later years, most folks only knew his name for Werther and not some of his other works, like Faust. So I can totally sympathize with Goethe and forgive him for his sin of bringing The Sorrows of Young Werther into the world, because it seems like he was truly penitent at the time of his death.

Plus, I don't exactly regret reading Sorrows, mostly because the payoff was nice when Werther finally shot himself and we learn that no one went to his funeral. Suck on that, you whiny German creep!

photo found here, thanks Google Images

A Tale of Too Much Greatness

2011-02-17T06:21:00.002-07:00

What has happened to our book blog? It's become a virtual ghost town, that's what. Luckily there's a new sheriff in town who's here to take care of business and get it done. (That's me.)

I just finished A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens a couple of days ago. First of all, some background: I am not really a Dickens fan. I have read Oliver Twist and I tried to read Great Expectations and his writing style didn't really mesh well with my tastes. It's very dense, basically, and hard to get through if you have a shorter attention span. However, my respected roommate Betsy read A Tale of Two Cities during the fall and she raved about it. I was intrigued, so I picked up a cheap copy before coming to Florida and started reading it on the bus rides to work.

Now, a quick summary: A Tale of Two Cities is a story about the French Revolution. It mostly focuses on a certain family: Charles Darnay and his wife Lucie, Lucie's father Doctor Manette, and their family friends Jarvis Lorry and Sydney Carton. It also has romance, betrayal, devotion, et cetera. Honestly, that is all I want to give you in the summary. If you decide to read this book, I want you to go in with as little preconceived notions about the plot as possible.

What were my thoughts on A Tale of Two Cities? Well, I'll tell you. It is amazing. It's one of the best stories I've read in a long time. Charles Dickens packs his writing full of symbolism and foreshadowing, which you pick up on the first page and carry all the way until the last. The characters he creates are so excellent, ESPECIALLY THE VILLAIN. Seriously, the villain of AToTC is one of the most legitimately terrifying literary characters I have ever been exposed to. And the backdrop of the French Revolution is such an effective, volcanic setting. Dickens doesn't pull any punches when describing both the oppression suffered by the French people and the monstrosities they resort to in a misguided attempt at vengeance. It's insane and gripping and impossible to stop reading.

And the ending! The ending made me cry. It's true! It was beautiful and unexpected and so, so melancholy. (And rife with Christian symbolism, which should appeal to someone reading this blog, KENNETH).

Finally, I'm going to do something I rarely do: I am going to recommend A Tale of Two Cities to everyone who participates in this blog. Everyone reading this will love it. Kristin will love it, because she will sympathize with Lucie and also enjoy the metaphors! Luke will love it, because the villain is so very scary and also there is some dry British wit! Hardy will love it, because of the deep, rich symbolism (I think)! AJ will love it, because it seems like the type of book AJ will love! Ken will love it, because it will provide fuel for his hatred of the French! And when she returns from her mission, Kelsha will love it, because it is a pinnacle of literary accomplishment.

So, in conclusion: what are you doing? Are you still reading this post? Well STOP and go check out or buy A Tale of Two Cities. It is now at the top of your priority list!

The Great Gatsby, American Fictional Triumph?

2011-01-23T19:56:00.003-07:00

My sister Anna loves this book. She doesn't know why, she read it in high school, and loved it. On this premise I bought it when I saw it in the book store. It was good. I found out that F. Scott Fitzgerald was friends with Ernest Hemingway and the used to sip coffee at Parisian cafes. Until they had a falling out, due to jealousy on Hemingway's part, the book said this and I doubt it, what did Hemingway resident bad A have to be jealous about. Anyway the book was fine, but given all its hype I expected quite a bit more. I did stumble on an interesting letter that F. Scott wrote to his publisher. You see The Great Gatsby was not well received when it first came out. Its small first edition sold slowly and the small second printing didn't even sell out. This is strange given the novel's high standing in the current literary world. One list I found ranked it 2nd in comparative greatness. What happened in between. Well the little extras in the edition I bought provided the answers. The publisher pulled strings and contacts to get the book entered into education networks. They pushed to have it used in literature classes which is where the vast majority of the novel's readers have encountered it. My thoughts would be that the book is mediocre. I enjoyed reading it, but my mind wasn't blown. I will say it is a novel with substance, if one wished they could deepen their exploration of it but a superficial read generates superficial results. According to the extra commentary F. Scott wrote it in an impressionist style and a student could pull abstract ideas if pressured, but my feeling is that the novel is not so amazing. That a publisher propagated it into education circles to turn a higher profit on a project that didn't produce as expected.

The Dog Days Are Over

2011-01-06T10:21:00.002-07:00

I promise I've been reading. I probably read three or four books in December, I just couldn't dredge up the motivation to post. But the book I just finished surprised and impressed me, and I decided I wanted to post about it and get all my thoughts out in text.

It's called Going Bovine by Libba Bray, and it's a young adult book I bought back in October or November. I got it because I have read some other books by the author and I had heard about this one. I stopped reading it after a few chapters, though, because I was bored and frustrated. The dialogue was stupid and I just couldn't get interested, and I felt like I was too busy to waste time on it. But then yesterday morning I picked it up again, just to hurry up and finish it so I could focus on Moby Dick (aka my own personal hell), and I was pleasantly surprised.

Going Bovine is about this 16-year-old stoner named Cameron who is lazy and takes life for granted in the extreme (and also he lives in Texas). His parents, who are both professors, don't know what to do with him, and his teenage sister resents him or something. The first part of the book basically lays down what a worthless pile he is, and it was the part that made me stop reading, because the dialogue was laughably terrible and the main character is super annoying.

But then Cameron gets diagnosed with bovine spongiform encephalopathy, aka mad cow disease, which is fatal and has no cure, and he gradually starts to die (he has seizures, hallucinations, et cetera as his mind decays). As he does, he gets more and more desperate to live. He's afraid of death and doesn't feel ready.

While he's in the hospital, an angel visits him and tells him that there's a reason why he is dying, and there's a way he can stop it and also save the world--and sends him on a crazy quest to Florida to find a cure for his disease. The rest of the book plays out in a way that is parallel to Don Quixote (and, P.S., I felt super smart that I realized this because Cameron drove a Cadillac Rocinante, which is the name of Don Quixote's horse).

The quest was the part of the book that was awesome, because, as it develops, the scenarios get more and more crazy. The best part about it is you don't really know if it's a hallucination brought on by his disease or if it's real life until the very end. Cameron keeps having flashbacks to his hospital room, but the situations he gets into are so detailed and random that it seems like there is no way they can just be mere hallucinations. As he starts the quest, his experiences are fairly believable, but eventually they get more and more insane, and the pace gets more frantic and desperate. Some of the situations he encounters are absurd and also hilarious to the extreme (a religious group that lives by the mantra "All Happy All the Time", a group of physicists who are trying to hop to parallel dimensions, an evil snow globe corporation). By the end of the novel, I was really invested in what happened to Cameron, which surprised me considering the fact I started off hating the kid.

I'm not going to necessarily recommend it to this group; I don't think any other member of this little book club would enjoy it as much as I did. But personally, I'm glad I read it. It was a diverting and surprising piece of work.

Some Dumb Book List

2010-12-08T23:55:00.003-07:00

That was floating around Facebook. Apparently the BBC released it and predicted that most people had only read six novels on the list. I don't think that's true but it makes people like me feel good because I have read more than six. Also I noticed that a lot of titles were books we have posted about on this here blog, and it's late at night and I'm stressed and need something to distract me. Let's do it! (bolded titles are the ones I've read).

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien

3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling

5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

6 The Bible

7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott

12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy

13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare

15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien

17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger

19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell

22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald

24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens

33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis

34 Emma -Jane Austen

35 Persuasion - Jane Austen

36 The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - CS Lewis

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

40 Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell

42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving

45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins

46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery

47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood

49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel

52 Dune - Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons

54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt

64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas

66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding

69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72 Dracula - Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett

74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses - James Joyce

76 The Inferno - Dante

77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal - Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens

82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell

83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro

85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry

87 Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams

95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute

97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

I have read 43 of the books on this list. I didn't count the ones that I have only partially read, like the Complete Works of Shakespeare, Sherlock Holmes, or Middlemarch. However, if it turns out that Ken has read more of these books than I, then I fully intend on counting those partial reads.

ATTENTION DISTANT BLOGGERS

2010-12-03T18:47:00.002-07:00

I just found out a fun fact about Kelsha's post "The Little Prince" I will place this fun fact as a comment on that post.

Britania's Two Greatest Men of Mystery. . . Well three if you count Watson.

2010-11-17T07:17:00.003-07:00

Sorry no picture available I'm on a cluttered mac.

I just read Sherlock and Watson's second adventure, The Sign of the Four. I personally liked it better than a Study in Scarlet. This book is where we are first introduced to Holmes' recreational cocaine use. According Homes he only shoots up when he's between cases to quiet his mind. It is also in this book that we meet Miss Mary Morstan, the character we are introduced to in the movie as Watson's recent fiance. In The Sign of the Four, Watson instantly falls in love with her but despairs because as soon as he and Holmes track down Miss Morstan's treasure she'll be rich and want nothing to do with him, or WORSE, suspect him of being a gold digger. Well precious gem digger as is the case. Fortunately the treasure is never recovered for which both lovers rejoice. I read the first page of the next book, A Scandal in Bohemia, and they are married. It was also there that Irene Adler is introduced, "the woman . . . In his eyes she eclipses and predominates the whole of her sex." But I haven't read on to discover anymore of this character.
I've been too busy zipping through the short stories of Britain's second man of mystery. Commander Bond, James Bond. I found this lovely little book at Sam Weller's new, used, and rare book store, it's not rare or used, falling under the new category. It's been a fun little read though I'm embarrassed to take it on the train because there's a topless woman dominating the front cover. The best story so far has been For Your Eyes Only, where an elderly couple is gunned down in Jamaica by Cuban thugs under the direction of a former Gestapo officer looking to take over their lovely estate. What these thugs didn't know was that old man Havelock had a powerful best man at his wedding. This best man was none other than the director of England's secret service, M. This murder chaffed M, who sent Bond as justice's hammer. But the thugs also didn't know that the Havelock's young daughter, whose pony and dog they'd killed as incentive for her to sell the desired property, was raised in Jamaica's jungle and had become quite sufficient with a bow. Jamaica's Catniss didn't hesitate to stalk her parent's killers in the mountains of Vermont with her shiny bow. Sweet fate it was that the two stalkers, Bond and Miss Havelock, should happen upon each other in the woods. After "taking out the trash" they hiked back to Canada to make sweet love in the kozy motel. But while this was the best short story so far it wasn't the most interesting fun Bond fact I've come across.
Fun side note is that Bond lost his virginity at the tender age of 16 to a Parisian hooker, because some well known bar tender had advised that when in Paris the adventuresome youth should tell his cabby, "Sank Roo Doe Noo" whatever that means, he lost his notebook in the process as well. Notebook being, I assume, limy for wallet.
But this still isn't what I've found most interesting, or, why I've bothered to post, what I want to put up for conversation. Perhaps like me you were disappointed with the latest Bond film installment Quantum of Solace. To me nothing new was learned and nothing resolved in the greater story line that Casino Royal had eluded to, Bond was simply put into a holding pattern. Well, in Ian Flemming's world (Flemming also wrote Chitty Chitty Bang Bang) Quantum of Solace is one of his short stories that actually has very little to do with Bond. In Quantum of Solace James Bond is sitting with the governor of Bermuda who is relating a tragic love-less story. This tragic tale is about an introverted government worker who married a flight attendant because she was the first woman ever to pay attention to him. He was transfered to Bermuda where she had a very public affair with one the the local playboys. This so broke the man that the Governor developed a term for what happened. The term he coined was . . . the Law of the Quantum of Solace. Which "high-sounding" title describes, "the death of common humanity in one of the partners." Here the Governor commentating on his observations of every human relationship, and uses it in connection with, "That particular insult to the ego--worse, to the instinct of self-preservation". Bond interprets the Quantum of Solace as, "Human beings are very insecure. When the other person not only makes you feel insecure but actually seems to want to destroy you, it's obviously the end. The Quantum of Solace stands at zero. You've got to get away to save yourself."
Now to the Conversation I'm trying to generate. Hopefully after discussing what we've got here we will be able to pull deeper understanding from the film Quantum of Solace.
Questions: I haven't looked up the definition of Quantum or Solace to get an exact feel of the usage in general or here together. Also I've quoted so much because my mind in not fully wrapped around the Governor's term, so I'd like your takes on what you think is going on. Finally any insights on how the Quantum of Solace as a term can be used to interpret the movie. This final query is of course assuming that the screen writers read this short story and didn't just steal the name because it's a Bond story and sounded cool.

Intelligent Design, pt. 1

2010-10-21T14:37:00.003-06:00

The days of apathy are over. I officially have way too much free time at work that can be spent neither reading nor doing anything genuinely productive, so I am forced to reinstill the glory of activity to this blog. Just kidding. I've missed reading and writing on this blog and the time for repentance is nigh.

<----- This is my current read. I'm not done with it yet (it is fairly long, especially for a book on DNA), but I intend to give you a basic summary of what I've read so far as well as a finisher once the book's done.

It's written by Stephen C. Meyer (DOESN"T THAT SOUND AN AWFUL LOT LIKE STEPHAN I MEYER?!), a smart guy with good credentials.

It's basic premise is that the DNA molecule is too complicated to have arisen by any origin-of-life model currently employed, and that all sound science can be seen to point to an intelligent Creator as the architect of the cell's complexity and life's capacity for adaptation and progression.

A short background: Until the 19th century (with a few notable exceptions) the majority of the science community tended to support the idea that all nature and especially that of living nature tended to support the inference that some grand and brilliant Designer had created all things and guided their development in order to help them to adapt to their various environments.

The advent of the theory of natural selection changed all this.

While Darwin certainly didn't begin the natural selection movement, in so many ways he has generally come to personify it. His On the Origin of Species is considered a foundational work in the science of natural selection, and if not scientifically at least ecclesiastically seems to stand as the bible of evolutionists. However, lest the faithful tremble, they can rest confident in the knowledge that Darwin's book and the subsequent movement of evolutionary design are not all power/rational/knowledgeable. Darwin himself admitted that his theory did not account for the actual origin of life, but only served to show that once initiated species could adapt to their environment through the process of natural selection that we're all familiar with. He trusted to future science to establish that the beginning of life could in fact have happened without divine intervention.

It hasn't.

This book attacks several of the main theories proposed to justify a naturalistic solution to the origin of life. I've read about the impossibility of chance resulting in life, natural laws predestinating molecules to combine in such a way as to form life, and that RNA molecules came first and prefaced the development of later, more mature DNA molecules. Stephen has various darts that seem to take these fanciful creatures down, but the most prevalent and significant are the absolutely minute chances of random events creating the condition necessary for life (Appx. 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000,000, or one in a trillion trillion), and the necessity for preexisting information to fill on all the gaps of the inevitable combination theory and RNA first, as well as the sheer complexity of the DNA molecule.

I'm not done with it yet, but I think it's going to go down as one of the most influential books I've ever read, and thus will surely gain my recommendation for you to read it at one time. While complex it is also well written and accessible (as is told by the fact that I, the most unscientific and biology-hating person on the planet can read it), and well worth any time invested.

SO THERE! A POST FROM ME! AND MORE TO FOLLOW!

In the Soup

2010-10-18T15:13:00.004-06:00

The long drought is over! I just finished The Inimitable Jeeves by P.G. Wodehouse, and oh boy was it great.

It was basically the story of Bertie Wooster, a not-very-bright member of the Idle Rich in London society, who has a genius servant named Jeeves who is always getting him out of scrapes. It was published in 1924 and is chock-full of phrases like "old boy" and "in the soup" and "rummy" and "cove." It's very funny and very light, and perfect for mid-semester stress reading. I will probably be reading some more P.G. Wodehouse soon; I was impressed.

Also, you know the website ask.com? Formerly known as askjeeves.com? That Jeeves is the same Jeeves as P.G. Wodehouse's character! Isn't that crazy business!

I don't have much else to say about it, except I think that British humor might be my favorite of them all. I know this is a pathetically short entry; I apologize. I haven't been reading much of anything but textbooks and comic books, but next up I want to check out "Benito Cereno," a short story by Herman Melville.

To Post or not to Post? Or another attempt at titling: If a post falls onto the blog will anyone comment?

2010-09-13T18:30:00.003-06:00

I had always wanted to see this movie. I guess cause I was in 8th grade when it came out and wanted to see every movie but never could because I was, well, stuck in 8th grade. Well 11 years later I finally got my chance on a recent trip to Vegas. It was playing on FX right before I was to head for home. I got to watch the whole thing. Though it was really suspenseful and I was alone in the room. Naturally my skin was crawly. At the end I learned it was based on a book. I determined to buy it and read it. I was a little nervous because there was a significant homosexual thread through the movie but I got the book anyway and I'm glad I did. Because the movie's thread turned into a small piece of lint in the book. At the end of the movie Tom Ripley hooks up with a guy (who he then strangles on a boat to Greece for no apparent reason). This never happens in the book. At one point in the book Dickie Greenleaf announces that he's, "Not queer" to Tom Ripley. He says this after walking in on Tom all dressed up in his clothes talking to himself. It is true that the aunt who raised Tom referred to him as a sissy, and that Tom is repulsed by the thought of Marge, the main female character's, underwear laying on his furniture. Tom starts out being obsessed with Dickie and the thought of living with him forever. However, I would argue that this is the beginning of Tom's true obsession. Which is Dickie lifestyle and the freedom, gentlemanly class, and exploratory opportunities it offers. Because as soon as Dickie expresses repulsion and disdain for Tom, Tom kills him. Tom is obsessed with the lifestyle, originally wanting to just be with Dickie in order to achieve it. When this first less malignant option is no longer available he takes the next most logical step. . . Disposing of Dickie by the deft use of an oar, and convenient rope and cement block. He is then free to assume Dickie's identity, and who among us would not do the same! An ugly "walleyed" ginger kid gets in the way and is neatly disposed of as well.
TOLEDO! This book was really, really great! But in a freaky, freaky way. First off I was totally sucked in. I shared Tom's world. This is my favorite thing about books, when they suck you in and you literally share the experiences with the character's. I'll admit I was cheering for Tom the whole time. The killing of Dickie was written in a business like tone, and with Tom you forget that it really happened. It was just an unfortunate necessity. We didn't really want Dickie to die, but he left no other alternative. As a sociopath Mr. Tom Ripley only gets upset when he thinks he might get caught. I sometimes confused this with remorse but then I mentally checked the timing, and he only freaked out when things began to close in around him. I freaked out to! I wanted him to pull it off. But he sails through and I was glad he did. Intense!!

Environmental/Nature Writing Assignment

2010-09-10T22:16:00.003-06:00

Here's a paper I just wrote. The assignment was "Sensory Impressions". We had to go out into nature and commune. Eyes closed for 10 minutes. All comments are welcome, except negative ones. Because I really just want to be told how awesome I am.

AJ Bell
Sensory Impressions
WRTG 4080

Quaking Winds

I quietly attempt to find a spot resembling the one in my head, or at least one filling a certain set of requirements. It's cooler today, I'll need sunshine, but not too much, not a complete clearing. Because trees directly overhead are also needed, like front row seats at the symphony. I pass a couple of prospects. I need more than just sunshine: soft ground cover, minimal amount of cattle remnants, mixed with an absolute absence of ants. This one should do, the degree of slope might even improve my comfort. Yes, this will do nicely. The light warms my skin as I settle in, muscles relaxing, molding to the ground. Now I wait, eyes shut. Wait, for the forest's breath to come. . . so it can sing.
The first wave approaches, breaking quietly. Initially it's as though I've just stopped talking, and in this new stillness a distant waterfall joins the conversation. But a water fall would speak in one tone, this sound is building. Steadily it grows, moving closer, louder as more aspen leaves join in. The ringing rustle reaches the leaves directly above, and the light outside my eyelids begins to flash yellow and orange. Then something unexpected, different, new. I've been here before. Sat among the aspens as the wind made them sing. I knew their song. I intentionally came today, to this spot to hear it. But today more of me joins in. Perhaps it's because today I closed my eyes, closed off that sense that others came alive. Today I don't see the trees, their little green leaves dancing in wind and light. I feel them. Today though still I feel movement, as sensation of swirling wind, sound of swaying trees cause my muscles to lightly contract and release in concentric waves across my body.
Before I laid down I wondered how long consciousness would last, how long I could lay peacefully with my eyes closed before sleep took me. The answer never came, only suspicions. Curiously, my eyes opened on their own, I quickly shut them again, but there was a change. I must have slipped away because as another breeze came in the leaves dance, but not the light. I tip my head back to gaze at the sun. It's now smiling back with no trees in its grin. The wind has changed to, not its sound, not its motion, but its attitude. Instead of rocking me in waves, the breeze comes in soft. It hits my face and causes a coolness to spread across my skin. I extend into this touch as into a lover's kiss. It kisses my arm.
That arm later receives another sensation, one potentially less friendly. Not wanting to acknowledge my first reaction, I hold as still as possible just in case it was only the brushing of grass. Unfortunately movement continues. They've found me. I lift up my arm to flick their little black and red bodies off into the void. A couple more flicks, a brush here, there, and I sync back in. I wonder if there are any woodpeckers around, there normally are. As if he heard my thoughts, drumming begins, pause, more hollow drumming. My thoughts deepen, and I fancy that he felt me missing him; drummed out to tell me he did. Have wind and trees, he and I have become one? I smile at my own profoundness and proposed power. But I soon question this. Perhaps my ears dulled by a sinus infection only caught his first drummings enough for me to subconsciously think “woodpecker”. Fully registering “woodpecker” only after his second set began. This doubt couples with the coolness which no longer softly spreads because it has conquered, add to this one of Grandpa's cows deciding to move through the area bellering all the way. Time's up. I send a couple more ants on there way as I get up. Then stalk off, suddenly self-conscious. When did my feet and jeans get so loud?

If We Burn

2010-08-24T19:36:00.004-06:00

Oh man oh man oh man oh man.

I have discovered the Holy Grail of Awesome, and it is the third book in the Hunger Games trilogy, Mockingjay. Which I finished early this morning.

I don't want to spoil anything for anyone. I want everyone who reads this book to go into it completely fresh and unsullied, with only their own biases/expectations in tow. I will only leave you with my opinions of this 390-page tome of greatness.

To help you fully understand how much I loved this book, I will say this: I had a big, big day today. I had to pack all of my things and move up to my new apartment in Logan, plus at one I had a telephone interview for a Disney College internship, which I desperately want to get. Today was a day that needed a good night's rest preceding it.

However, after acquiring the book and arriving home at 1:30 a.m., I couldn't stop reading. I literally could not stop. Until I finished it at around 6 a.m.

Needless to say, today has been a blur of zombie-packing and fake cheeriness. All because of Mockingjay.

My theory for why I could not stop reading is that Collins' writing pulls you into her sparse, horrifying world and makes you feel like you have to be there. I couldn't put the book down because it would have felt like I was abandoning a friend.

On a final note, I had a nightmare about lizards last night.

READ THIS BOOK AND THEN CALL ME SO WE CAN GEEK OUT.

Le Petit Prince

2010-08-22T00:49:00.000-06:00

One of my most favoritest books growing up was The Little Prince. It is a short story written by Antoine de Saint Exupéry. Originally the book was written in French, but there are several really good translations. I found my old copy of it laying around the other day and read it in about an hour. I forgot how much I loved it.

The plot is basically that of a small prince that lives on an asteroid and is visiting Earth where he runs into a pilot that has broken down in the dessert. The pilot then proceeds to discover the wonderful adventures the prince has recently been on traveling around space. It is a very simple book fraught with complicated meaning if you care to look into it, which you don't have to if you don't want to bother.

Turns out there is a bunch of movie adaptations of the short story the most prominent of which involves Gene Wilder playing the role of a fox....I have been terrified of Gene Wilder ever since I saw Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory (His creepy eyes mixed with his unreal intensity I think. It's just chocolate man--Lighten up!) Needless to say the man finds a way, in my opinion, of making everything he is involved in creepy. I will prove it.

First read the quote from the book below:

(The little prince has just finished taming a wild fox and has to leave it in the wild to continue on his adventure) --The little prince went away, to look again at the roses. "You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made a friend, and now he is unique in all the world." And the roses were very much embarrassed. "You are beautiful, but you are empty,"......
And he went back to meet the fox. "Goodbye" he said.
"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."....
"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.
"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."--

Now, watch the clip from the movie of it on YouTube. I predict you have first found the quote to be pretty great and will now find the same sentiment to be a bit disturbing after watching the clip.

Dear Kenny,

2010-08-13T22:49:00.000-06:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

-from everyone here at the book blog :D

Something new...

2010-08-08T18:07:00.007-06:00

This picture seems appropriate concerning this post.

I'm gonna do something on this blog I've never done before: post about a book Kelsi recommended to me that I actually liked! Shocking, I know. But one must be varied and unpredictable lest one fall into the boring pit of monotony and languish there forever. So anyway, let's get talkin' 'bout The Hunger Games!

So I'm sure if you're acquainted with Kelsi you've heard at least a passing description of this book, but I'll let you have the benefit of the doubt and give you the rundown. So it's the future, right? And it's set in this place that once was a magical world called North America, see? And human civilization is split up into twelve districts scattered throughout the country and a capital city that has dominion over all the districts, okay? And years ago there used to be thirteen districts but when all the districts rose up against the Capital, District 13 was obliterated, comprende? And now every year, to remind themselves how pathetic they are and to dissuade them from ever rebelling again, each district has to give up one boy and one girl below the age of 18 to fight to the death in gladiator style games that the whole country will watch, you know? And the winner will have untold fame and fortune, but the twenty-three losers will have death. And that's the setup.

The story follows Katniss, a girl from District 12 who is desperately trying to make ends meet for her family of three (herself, her sister, and her mama) by hunting and trading. But her world is turned upside down when she is randomly chosen to compete in the games. And so Katniss The Hunter Of Squirrels And Other Small Rodents must become Katniss The Killer And Stabber Of Teenage Boys And Girls. And it is awesome indeed when she does.

I loved this book so hardcore. Action is one of the hardest things to do and do well in literature (I refer to bazillions of sci-fi books that fail miserably) and yet this book had me white-knuckled through all of its intense sequences. There's a rather awesome part when the Games first begin that's quite shocking and intense, but I won't spoil it. And kudos to Suzanne Collins for not pulling any punches. She makes a story about teens and tweens killing each other be as brutal and harrowing as it sounds. There's no sissy "maybe everyone can survive and be best friends forever" endings in this book. Only killing, killing, and then some more killing! Of course, if the book was straight action it would get rather tedious no matter how well written it was, and so it's just as well that the parts that take place outside the Games are engrossing. Ms. (Mrs.?) Collins has created a very intriguing world that I'd like to explore more and has filled it with characters that actually seem real and relatable. The dialogue never seems cheesy or hackneyed like it does so many other young adult novels. And let's talk about comedy! There's nothing funnier than teenagers killing each other in brutal and gut wrenching ways, amiright? And that previous sentence just put me on every 'Most Wanted' list in the country.

Obviously I can't say enough good things about this book, so I'll stop right there. Oh, except this: whoever you are, read this book immediately so we can talk about it and get to work on writing our fan fiction together. And if you read this book and you don't like it... I don't want to know you.

A Strange Journey, in scarlet

2010-08-01T20:23:00.003-06:00

After my prolonged read of For Whom the Bell Tolls I launched into my complete collection of Sherlock Holmes Vol. 1 starting at the beginning with numero uno A Study in Scarlet.
Again great, it began as a narration by Watson and as it is the first book told how Watson and Holmes became rommies. What is so strange about this story and why the members of a book blog comprised of mostly Mormons should read it is that Part II begins in the Western United States Desert!! Two weary travellers settle down in the shade of a boulder to die, but before they can launch into their death throws, and to the chagrin of awaiting vultures, they are rescued by the Brigham Young and the Mormons on their way to the promised land. At first Sir Arthur presents quite a favorable image of the Mormons. This however, is short lived as they become corrupted by total control in their new home. He even goes as far as to say that the Spanish Inquisition had nothin on the LDSers in Utah. My endnotes told me that while on a U.S. speaking tour he apologized to the Mormons while in Salt Lake for misrepresenting them. But what I find fascinating is this late 19th century fascination authors had with the Mormons. Jules Verne gave them a chapter in his book Around the World in 80 days. And here we have half of the first ever Sherlock Holmes book being set in Utah with the Mormons. I just never knew we were so that interesting to the world stage, my what peculiarity will do for you.
Now I'm blogginly up to date. I have begun my first ever biography, General Patton, a soldier's life. Coincidentally it's by the same guy that wrote Lion of the Lord, about Brigham Young. All of his other works are about military men, I'm not sure of the resemblance. . .

A Beautiful Journey

2010-08-01T19:20:00.004-06:00

It all started with a pen. A Monte Blanc Fountain pen to be exact. This exact pen, made in honor of Ingrid Bergman. This pen sent me to wikipediea to see who this lovely dame Ingrid is. From there I learned that Ernest Hemingway desired most that she play the part of Maria in the movie For Whom the Bell Tolls. If my fellow book bloggers will recall I posted a question about who is Ernest and why is he significant. You were all very helpful. I then asked each of you which of his books I should read. Ken replied don't go near The Old Man and the Sea, Kelsen said The Sun Also Rises was great but didn't recommend it. However, it was Luke that pulled through with a reasonable response, said he simply, "Read For Whom the Bell Tolls, it's great." So I bought it and began reading it clear back in May. I LOVED this book!!! And I have our blog to thank for it. You all explained Ernest's style of writing to me and gave specific examples of how he used short declarative sentances which though short convey a ton of back story. I kept calling to mind Kelsen's example, "Baby shoes for sale, never been used". Knowing this I got so much more out of the book then I otherwise would have. It took me forever to read it but that was because I went over the lines very closely to make sure I got everything and then imagined the back story of the characters. Plus the imagery is so beautiful, book me a trip for Spain. But I still don't understand how he does it. How he creates such a beautiful picture because he doesn't blurt it out, it's underlying. After finishing the book I watched part of the movie Windtakers. I only watched part because it made the scenes I had just read in the book too vivid and painful. Finally I loved how he presented views of Spain and it's people from the view of a loving outsider and citizens view of other citizens. A long journey yes but very worth it!!

Hometown Book Hero

2010-07-26T12:36:00.002-06:00

So you FAT participants now know Shannon. Well Her mother has been working for some time on a book quilt to raise money for the Coalville Library. She's been sending quilt squares to authors explaining what she's doing and they sign it and sometimes send a signed copy of their books back. As this is a book blog with ties to Coalville I had to put it up on our blog. She has a website http://www.joslibraryquilt.com/
Which we should all visit.

Blinded By Science

2010-07-25T20:41:00.003-06:00

{pictured: science being awesome}

I know what you are saying right now, "Well golly, it sure has been a long time since Kelsi has posted anything." That is what you were saying RIGHT GUYS because I know all you ever do is sit at the computer and wait for me to post on the book blog.

Well today is your lucky day! Because whilst on break at work, I conquered my latest volume of knowledge: The Prism and the Pendulum by Robert P. Crease.

This particular reading was a break in form for me: a nonfiction book that basically listed and described the ten "most beautiful" experiments in science, plus some reasoning and argument for why they could be considered beautiful. Among the experiments listed: Eratosthenes' measurement of the earth's circumference, Foucalt's pendulum, and Millikan's oil-drop (are any of these familiar to you folks? Because none were familiar to me before I read this book. I ain't no science nerd.) Between every chapter describing and analyzing each experiment, there was a chapter that discussed beauty, perception, artistry, and other such topics.

I won't attempt to deceive you: there were parts of this book that bored me. But that is only because I have a very limited understanding and interest in the scientific discipline. What kept me going was Crease's obvious passion on the subject. You could just tell by reading The Prism and the Pendulum that he has this big crush on physics, and it's super cute. In all seriousness, though, I find it fascinating to listen to people discuss and explain the things they love. It can keep me interested in even the most inaccessible subjects.

My favorite experiment to read about was Newton's leaning tower experiment. OKAY THAT'S A LIE I really just wanted to reference Isaac Newton so I could link this comic, because what would this blog post be without a link to my favorite webcomic? NOTHING. It would be NOTHING.

Next up I am going to try to finish Reconstructing America but trust me, it's taking forever. Probably because I finally acquired my own copy of The Hunger Games and now I spend all of my spare time re-reading that marvelous tome.

2010-07-20T11:11:00.001-06:00

just so everyone knows, i know this wordle is totally egotistical b/c it's based pretty much entirely on mine and gavin's conversation, but I really like how in the bottom left hand corner it says "Jesus like Kenny". That made me smile. As soon as another post is made the wordle shall be adjusted accordingly.

my conversation with gavin

2010-07-19T18:34:00.003-06:00

So, gavin wilde and I have spent the last few days debating the existence of a Christian God, and I want to post our conversation and receive feedback. I know this is not a book post, but it's intellectual and therefore deserves an exception. I learned a ton from this conversation, and would appreciate constructive dialogue.

Kenny Kitchen Brown

I don't think this is a fair way to speak of

Kenny Kitchen Brown

I don't think this is a fair way to speak of Christianity. It's like saying, "Remember that when it comes to 'the right thing to do', a lot depends on the perspective of the...." No it doesn't. The right thing to do is objective (though that's another discussion for another time), and that the 'Christian' chooses to label a particular act Christian doesn't make it so.

p.s. gavin, Christians didn't stone people, the followers of the Law of Moses did.

Friday at 17:25 · ·

Gavin Wilde

So the stoning stuff was nullified once the human sacrifice was made. I gotcha...

Friday at 19:16 ·

Bret Evans

However, it was Jesus (as Jehovah) who demanded stoning in the holy writ.

Friday at 19:31 ·

Bret Evans

And I don't think that Kirby was making grand assumptions about Christianity. He was just saying that deciding what is the Christian thing to do is certainly in the eye of the beholder. One says give aid to the poor, another says social justice is evil. I'm not suggesting one is correct and the other isn't, just that doing the Christian thing ...See more

Friday at 19:35 ·

Kenny Kitchen Brown

Gavin-What is wrong with a supreme sacrifice giving humanity a chance to realign its spiritual development and give it means to change? If the Jews as a society required such a stern law to enable them to survive amidst hostile forces, can't we look on the final consecration of Christ as the symbolic (and literal) end of that law and the moment mankind decides to move forward?

Bret-I don't dispute that Jesus commanded the Jews to stone people, but again, I hardly think it is fair to place our 21st century code of morality as an absolute stamp of the 'fairness' of another civilization. There were a multitude of reasons for the social forms of organization and coercion that existed in the days of Moses, as today, and I hardly think we stand in a fair place to judge that. I'm not saying it's good to stone people, I'm just saying that every culture has attributes developed for environmental and other reasons and sometimes they seem strange when compared to our own.

Bret - point 2, I also don't think that individual Christians really do decide what the 'Christian' thing is. I think individual Christians pretend to do that, but that doesn't make it valid. I also don't claim a monopoly on interpreting what the Christian thing is, and I read a lot of the scriptures, so I hardly think many people can claim such a lofty privilege.

and your slam was well received. take that sarah palin.

Friday at 23:30 · ·

Spencer Cawley

I ♥ Kirby. He makes me giggle over my Saturday eggs and toast.

Saturday at 00:48 ·

Gavin Wilde

Kenny- A few things:
A- The whole episode is not factual in the first place. The "exodus" never happened. The talmud is admitted by the world's foremost biblical archaeologists (Finkelstein, Herzog, et al) to be nothing more than mere legends, codified to consolidate political power by King Josiah. There is no evidence of Hebrews existing inEgypt, escaping from it, conquering Jericho, or that David's "kingdom" was anything more than a small desert clan. It even remains a point of debate whether the ancient Hebrews were even monotheistic. Biblical literalism, given the actual scholarship, is a bridge too far.
B- The same justifications you're giving for stoning here could just as easily be made from the point of view of a radical Muslim, if not moreso, as they have far more license to feel a need to "survive amidst hostile forces" in today's current world than the Jews did in a fairy-tale one. So how are you to prove your justification right, and theirs wrong?
C- I find it odd that you differentiate between the "morality" of ancient Judaism and that of the 21st century, especially in regards to Jesus. I thought god was unchanging? Why the inconsistency? Was it easier for him to watch an adulteress stoned to death back then than it would be today? Was it somehow less evil and barbaric? Why is it that the god of the Old Testament was such a vindictive, childish imp, and how is that somehow alleviated by a barbaric, bloody human sacrifice? You'd have to bend your mind into a pretzel to make that logic work.

Ultimately, the same supernatural rationalizations, superimposed into the world of reality - puts your arguments, and those of any other radical religionist on equal shaky footing.

Saturday at 06:36 ·

Laura Y. Pereyra

lol. I love you, bret.

Saturday at 10:05 ·

Kenny Kitchen Brown

Gavin - a response
A-I don't give absolute credence to every story in the Bible, nor to the veracity of its scale in many cases, but that doesn't undermine the theme. I believe unilateral dogmas on both sides concerning its origin fail to be either constructive or given to calm deliberation, wouldn't you agree?
B - While I personally feel that capital punishment is at best tenuously justified, that is my opinion, there are good arguments on both sides. The fact that Jews or Muslims stone(d) people for various crimes is obviously disconcerting to me, when viewed through my 21st century perspective, but before I look for the nearest pebble with which to stone other cultures, I prefer to take a moment wherein I consider the failings of our own culture. I'm not saying it's ok to stone people, I'm just saying it's not ok to do a lot of things, but various cultures have various reasons for doing the things they do and when it comes to a culture so near and dear to my heart like ancient Judaism I want to take a moment before I superimpose my enlightened sense of rightness on them.
C-God is unchanging, but neither requires him to establish uniform laws of social behavior for all people at all times regardless of circumstances. I believe God created us to be different, that He loves our diversity, and that His plan for our progression is best calculated to our individual and cultural characteristics. In answer to your question, I do believe that it was hard for God to watch an adulteress get stoned to death just the same as it is now.

Ultimately, the ultra-rational arguments of the enlightened ex post philosopher, superimposed with limited knowledge in a world of immense complexity, is just as shaky as the arguments postulating the world is 7000 years old.

Saturday at 11:07 · ·

Gavin Wilde

Kenny- You're switching the goalposts here. The argument isn't about capital punishment, it's about why the Judeo-Christian god sanctioned stoning, and why it's not ok today. Your statement that that god isn't required to "establish uniform laws of social behavior for all people at all times regardless of the circumstances" flies in the face of the very doctrines you espouse. As far as your god "loving diversity", I could very easily quote Ezra Benson, Bruce McKonkie, Mark Petersen, etc. as a sound rebuttal that your god clearly favors the "white and delightsome"...but I'm sure they were merely "speaking as men", right?

Further, you make the mistake of expounding on what "god" is, does, and doesn't do...only to close out your argument by insinuating that we're too "limited" in our knowledge to make any rational arguments. If the world is "immensely complex", you ought not make extraordinary claims to know the mind of a therefore unknowable deity.

Saturday at 18:30 ·

Whitney Trover Goodrich

how come you guys failed to mention moutain medows masacure?? Just a thought..

Saturday at 19:16 ·

Whitney Trover Goodrich

Since you guys are mormon...that's why i asked. Lots of controversey behind that massacre.

Saturday at 19:20 ·

Kenny Kitchen Brown

I don't know why the Judeo-Christian God sanctioned stoning in the good old days. I don't claim to have a supernatural understanding of the cultural fabric of any time or people or God's relationship with them. How the fact that God isn't required to establish uniform laws of social behavior undermines my thesis eludes my grasp. Why is it either a logical or eternal imperative that God give every person regardless of circumstance in mortality an exactly similar code of conduct?

Further, I agree that I offered a personal interpretation of God's interaction with His children, which is neither authoritative nor comprehensive, but I nowhere claimed extraordinary insight into His thinking or behavior. I offer lay opinions from a biased perspective for the sake of expounding my thoughts. But that still leaves my point about absolutism. I doubt either extreme of the faith argument has the requisite knowledge to make these definite irrefutable claims, and I believe that applies to your arguments of social and religious criticism. I've been trying to advocate the open-minded perspective (which is ironic considering my position) considering the reasons for various practices of etc....

I also will maintain that racist comments made by any person of authority in the Church were not expressed with the mind of Christ or the spirit of His inspiration.

FURTHER! I love you like a brother gavin, though I have not seen you in far too long.

Saturday at 21:10 · ·

Gavin Wilde

It's the very illogic inherent in the Judeo-Christian model that initially led me to reject it. If I lived back then, I'm punished if I eat shellfish, and admonished on the correct way to treat my slaves. Nowadays such issues aren't even mentioned. For an infinite deity, that seems curious to me. However, with even a cursory reading of the very cultural and archaeological history that you mentioned, the narrative's inconsistencies begin to emerge as part of a clever political consolidation by Bronze-age leaders, and make sense within that framework, rendering the Bible, particularly the Talmud, into an interesting book of legend, useful as literature, but not as a guiding philosophy.

As far as absolutism is concerned, I run into this line of thought all too often. For me its troublesome, because it essentially claims that since neither 87 nor 11 equal the requisite 100, both numbers are equal in value, which is absurd. Don't confuse my rejection of deity and biblical ideas for a positive assertion.

As far as the racist comments, that is also troubling to me. Prophetic statements, given history of the last century, seem to run squarely with the political and social mores of the time, rather than with some divine providence. Today's current anti-gay crusade will be looked on by tomorrow's saints as "not with the mind of Christ or spirit of his inspiration". Thought I'd agree, it would certainly be beneficial for the church to be on the right side of history for once, rather than have to explain away the demons of its past.

That said, I echo the brotherly love. I rarely turn down a debate, and appreciate the level-headed nature you approached it with. And thanks be to Bret for the use of his wall!

Yesterday at 07:07 ·

Kenny Kitchen Brown

The principle that God adapts His commandments for His people to meet their realtime environments and exigencies doesn't appear to be either illogical or inconsistent. Why not command a people to not eat shellfish if physiological risks outweigh the calorie count? Why not command men and women to be nice to their household slaves if they insist on maintaining slavery as a primitive form of labor and political organization? I see a progressing standard of discipline and morality being required of those who choose to keep God's commandments (remember that Jesus comes to amplify, not destroy, the law) and that appears to be perfectly consistent with the story of humanity. I will admit wholeheartedly that I too have questions about why God didn't impose a more enlightened view at time, but that doesn't require a categorical denial of the faith.

As far as the legitimacy of the Bible and other scriptures, while I obviously can't jump into the fundamentalist camp and say every verse in every book of every testament is not only the literal word of God but the literal accurate portrayal of historical events, I do believe that the majority of scripture is inspired text. While it might contain unsubstantiated legend, I believe that it is useful for both literature and philosophy. I understand that all scripture contains inconsistencies and the occasional anachronism, but I believe that is the price we pay for our humanity. We get things wrong sometime, but don't let this undermine your faith in the theme.

Finally, on the mores of the Church. I am not an expert on this issue (I have a hard time believing anyone is), but I think the Church is trying to walk a very difficult position between protecting a social institution it venerates and honoring the truest Christian principle. It's not going to walk this line perfectly, I no doubt will find myself questioning the wisdom of its course at times, but I think this requires me to participate in the intra-ecclesia discussion even more, not abandon it.

9 hours ago · ·

Gavin Wilde

Well, for me the argument is tertiary. About a thousand unprovable and unreasonable assumptions would have to be true to validate a debate on the logic of Christian deity. For me, it equates to how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. I find the current empirical, verifiable, and material evidence for the origins of the universe and man to be sufficient without invoking the magical world-view that most religions require. Hence an "intra-ecclesia" discussion for me is unnecessary. My approach is that of theological noncognitivism (see wiki for more) - that is, you can't even begin the tertium non datur debate on the existence of deity without a clear delineation of what defines "deity".

3 hours ago ·

Kenny Kitchen Brown

Hm. Well, I suppose here we reach the ultimate impasse. I do not believe that God works by magic any more than quantum theory or the theory of gravity. These various forays into the physical/natural science I find likewise require the occasional acceptance of that which cannot be immediately verifiable.

As for the theological noncognitivism as it relates to Christianity, I truly believe that there exist truths about God and Christ that have been clearly defined and can form a basic conceptual idea of who and what They are. VERY basic admittedly, but still delineated. I also believe the consistency of these attributes so much contested in the preceding posts to be manifest in the scriptures, even the Old Testament (although I freely admit it takes serious sallies into the insane at times, which I'd like to credit to fractious compiling, bad redaction, and just the occasional crazy rabbi). I especially feel that the Christian conception of God described in the New Testament through Christ's example and teachings and and in the Book of Mormon through various sermons and revelations hits truer to the mark than any other philosophy or creed.

All these things said, I recognize the metaphysical debate leaves much for the faith to answer. I would never contend that the religion of Christianity be completely rationally provable with our current knowledge of the universe. My personal experiences with Christ lead me to believe in His existence and verify the things I learn, but these are individual sensory perceptions based on the faculties of a young ignorant high school graduate, and ultimately rest on my personal faculties (and I won't make the Cartesian leap into asserting their ultimate validity, though I'd like to think it is the case).

THEREFORE! Gavin my brother. I concede your superior IQ and admit my admiration for your advanced conceptualization but obstinately maintain my defense of the fundamental tenets of Christianity like a true unreasonable zealot! I do this with no malice and having sincerely enjoyed the debate. We must collaborate on source material, I would very much enjoy reading some selected treatises from your bibliography.

43 minutes ago · ·

Gavin Wilde

So let it be written, so let it be done! Haha, good form fellow traveler. I'll PM you with some rec's should you so desire.

What I'm Reading Next

2010-06-24T12:46:00.003-06:00

Lately I have had zero to little time to read, but I wanted to pop in really quickly and let you all know I am not dead/in a coma. Next up on my reading list:

Lincoln: Selected Speeches and Writings

Founding Brothers by Joseph Ellis (the same fella who wrote American Creation)

The Thirteen American Arguments by Howard Fineman

Reconstructing America by James W. Ceaser

Three of these books are required reading for my fall classes. That's how sad my life has become.

a good quote, and a slam at le bleus

2010-06-23T12:29:00.002-06:00

So, I'm reading The Letter of Marque (which is awesome by the way) and I found a marvelous quote from Lord Nelson:

"There are three things....which you are constantly to bear in mind. First, you must always implicitly obey orders, without attempting to form any opinion of your own respecting their propriety. Secondly, you must consider every man your enemy who speaks ill of your King: and thirdly, you must hate a Frenchman as you do the Devil."

Isn't that so awesome? While I obviously would have a hard time obeying every order without question, I'm sure the motivation would be greater were I a sailor on board a King's vessel where the lives of myself, the crew, and the ship were dependent on the exact functioning of the parts as a comprehensive whole.

Finally, isn't it funny how everyone hated the French? The Brits did, the Russians did, the Germans did, it seems like no one would ever be willing to extend mercy to their heathen hides.

No wonder they're out of the World Cup.

You Can't Handle More Posts!

2010-06-17T23:44:00.001-06:00

Haha I'm so happy to have used this title. Everyone take a moment and look at it (ahhh).

Ok well Kenny said we need more posts the only problem is I have been re-reading many books lately because...well I'm going on a mission and I will miss my books. But, many of my rereads have not been posted about thus far and if they have oh well I'm giving my take on them. So here goes my first of hopefully many to come (because lets be honest all I do is read nowadays).

Lets start by getting my obsession with CS Lewis out of the way.

The Great Divorce
Awesome I love it and it brings up many points about "Heaven and Hell" that I had never really thought of before. The whole point of the book is to help the reader understand that logically one cannot bring Hell to Heaven nor vise versa. One concept it introduces that I thought was done marvelously was that we are not only the same person when we die, but based on the way we are we won't want to go to heaven if we belong in hell and likewise not fitting in in hell will likely mean we go to heaven. I really like the way CS Lewis uses cool logic in all of his writing. He never relies on his readers belief or faith in his subject to carry their attention. He leaves them no choice but to agree with him for at least the duration of his story.

Screwtape Letters.
I'm pretty sure Kelsen already reported on this one...but I couldn't find it. All I have to say is that this is one of my favorite C.S. Lewis books. He analyzes sin and the way we are tempted in such a funny and realistic way. This is definitely an aha book that causes the reader to think twice about the way they live. I like that.

*Deep Breath*

Almost there I promise.

As sad as you all may think it is, I have been re-reading Harry Potter because I love it. I grew up with HP and thus am exempt from being considered a bandwagon fan. Harry taught me how to love reading as a pass time and not just a way to learn things. So I will review all of the books at once to save you all the time.

Harry Potter 1-7

Basically the way JK Rowling writes is brilliant because she matured her writing as HP got older. I'm not sure she did this on purpose because she was after all an emerging writer and it could have been a happy accident. But she might have just learned how to write by the end of the books. Either way I love all of them in this order:

3 (because Harry gets a personality and the overall story starts)
7 (because all of the characters are developed and thus rock)
4 (because it has the best shock factor)
6 (because we get to know Dumbledore)
2 (because its better than 1)
1 (because its better than 5)
5 (because I don't really like 5...)

Also, just so you all know, I thought JK Rowling was a man until 7th grade when my older sister not-so-kindly set me straight, but not before completely humiliating me.

So there you have it (wow I feel much better). More to come I am sure.

Beyond Politics

2010-06-17T11:32:00.002-06:00

After reading War and Peace, I decided to take a day or two and read something so incredibly awesome that I could hardly contain my enthusiasm, so I read the 11th Master and Commander book (The Reverse of the Medal, which I'll be posting about next). Following the wonderful 4 hour journey with Captain Jack Aubrey and his trusty ally Stephen Maturin, I decided to hunker down with another thinker, <-- this book (I don't know why I love those arrows so much, but I do), Beyond Politics, a 220 pg. treatise on public choice theory by the now-deceased William C. Mitchell and one of our very own professors here at USU, Randy Simmons.

The book is a brief summary of public choice theory and the market-failure oriented welfare-economist perspectives and a treatise on why the government can't honestly be expected to solve any problems that individuals in their individual and non-coerced collective capacity can't solve themselves.

Basically, public choice theory attempts to use the tools, treatises, and dialogues of economics to understand political and governmental behavior. Contrary to the claims of the welfare-economists, socialists, governmental do-gooders, etc. the government is not the place where virtuous righteous citizens come to deliberate and decide the issues facing the nation in a manner most beneficial to the greatest number of constituents (the nation as a majority-whole). Instead, the government is a place where self-interested politicians and bureaucrats come to maximize their personal considerations (votes and prestige for politicians, salary, security, and power for bureaucrats) and even those who are not consciously selfish will be perverted by the structure and process of the system.

The book does not argue that the government shouldn't attempt to solve the problems of poverty, pollution, urban violence, etc. The book argues that the government can't solve these problems for a variety of institutional and "scientific reasons. The attempts to do so have resulted in at best little gain and at worst massive losses to the situation. Some examples:

Many welfare programs are traps designed to maximize votes for the middle-class, not function as safety nets.
The costs of the Clean Air Act have been twice as large as the benefits.
Political campaigns are characterized by discussions about which candidate is best at pork barrel (substitute "theft from non-constituents" for "pork barrel") politics, not which candidate best serves the public interest.
Taxpayer monies have been used to destroy important environmental amenities, including Yellowstone National Park.
Regulations usually end up serving the regulatees, not the consumer.
Fiscal policies exaggerate and exacerbate business cycles. Some cycles are caused by fiscal policies.
Voters are rationally ignorant of the actions and often even the names of their politicians.
Given voting cycles and the role of leadership, the results of many democratic decisions are arbitrary.

So, there you go. I hope you are filled with a divine pessimism in the wisdom of your elected officials. The view of the public choice theorists is not pessimistic however, in fact it is radically more optimistic than their counter-parts. The libertarians and liberals who hold these views have a belief that the natural organizations of humans in social forms such as families, communities, churches, civic groups, etc. are far more effective at solving the problems that confront their constituent parts than the government.

This view I hold to, nearly dogmatically. I look forward to any debate sure to follow. I'm sure AJ and Luke will voice their contrasting but dogged hatred of authority and the government, I'm sure Kelsi will tell us yet again how sick she is of us talking about politics, and Kelsha will remind us to be nice to each other.

WE NEED MORE POSTS!

2010-06-17T11:30:00.002-06:00

I know that i'm a total hypocrite on this point, but we need to increase the output of posts. We had 25 in January! That's almost more than the rest of the following months combined. So here we go, I shall begin with the book I finished today, then I shall post about 1 of the 7-8 books I have read in the past couple months every other day.

I throw down the gauntlet! It is timed we started talking more about our awesome books! The good Lord knows we have nothing better to do with our time!

20,000 Leagues of Boredom

2010-06-14T22:32:00.005-06:00

Finally the arduous journey has ended. I felt just as trapped by this book as if I were a prisoner on a submarine!
Why I didn't like it:
1st and foremost, the whole thing was too archaic for my taste. Much of the book was his speculations many of which were way off. To him many things were wonderfully imaginative, but to modern common knowledge he's way off. Everything in the ocean according to Jules is phosphorescent. The whole ocean is glowing. I've been scuba diving and in that short amount of time I learned too much to get sucked into to Julesies adventure. While this is my 1st reason I also here cut the most slack. The dude lived in the 1800's and for his time he did pretty well. I just didn't connect with the time. I think that's because it's an 19Th century adventure taking place in a foreign world. But the world is not so foreign to me and I just couldn't get pulled with half of my brain constantly shouting, "Wrong, Wrong that fish isn't real"
2ND: Intense drama would be going on and the narrative would push it aside with pages of lists. Lists of what you ask? FISH!! The stupid fish that the professor was seeing outside the lounge window. Page after page of fish classifications. At one point Nemo and Ned Land are both fuming and the Nautilus is driving aimlessly through the ocean, tense right. Wrong! in the middle of the we describe the aquatic life floating out of the window! Not only describe but classify three pages worth. The first page being a list of fish already classified in another ocean! For the love of my simple sanity shut up!!!
3rd: He, or at least the translator has no skill for action. Moments that could be exciting were listed off with the same droll as the fish classifications.
My greatest example to illustrate how much this book sucked, is that Captain Nemo has a pipe organ on his little boat and I don't care, it couldn't save the book.
I will say that the ending picked up and finally addressed the mysteries of Nemo,and got into a little meat of the moment, but why not write that way the entire book and make it good. Instead it was crap. Interesting note though. According to my book Verne has been largely mistranslated over the years. My version bragged itself up as being true to the original, but if that's the original than it's no surprise the translators attempted to spice it up. They must have been trying to sell books instead of speculative fish encyclopedias.

War and Peace

2010-06-07T16:15:00.006-06:00

The deed is done, the beast is won.

After 20+ hours of reading time, many trips to the domain of wikis to get a comprehensive historical background and minute details of the 1,317 characters that Tolstoy insists on employing in this tome, I have finished War and Peace, also known as War, What is it Good For? for those who keep up on the pop culture of the late 90s early 00s (which I apparently do not).

This post shall be the following (in the spirit of Kelsha's wonderful Moby Dick post):

1) A brief introduction to the stories (all 73 of them) and characters,

2) A general outline of the book, and

3) Lessons learned and points presented.

The story of War and Peace is the story of several Russian families in the early 1800s. It extends from just before the wars of Napoleon with the Grand Coalition to the conclusion of the First War of the Fatherland (the Second being tentatively the two World Wars, and definitely WWII) with Napoleon's cowardly retreat from Russia and the return of everyone's life who hasn't died to normal.

The principle characters are
-Pierre Bezuhov, an eccentric and philisophical man who spends the whole book striving to find meaning and happiness in life.

-The Bolkonsky family, including Andrey Bolkonsky, an intelligent and sharp man striving to honor himself and his family who becomes embittered after the battle of Austerlitz and is subsequently trying to discover his own purpose (though not intentionally); and Marya Bolkonsky, a spiritual girl who is rich (though ugly) and is constantly on a higher spiritual plane than everyone else.

-The Rostov family, including Nikolay, the eldest son and noble patriot. He enlists in the army (as every male character will do in the book) and sets out with the best intentions seeking to defend his fatherland and czar from the evil impugnity of the French upstart. Also included is Natasha, the youngest daughter and prettiest who takes you on a roller-coaster of both being charmed by her grace and innocence and hating her guts for being such a typical teenage girl.

The story, very broadly speaking, goes as follows:

Peace, 1:
Russia is at peace, the 1,317 characters are introduced, 45 of the 73 storlines (80% of which will not be finished) are begun. The reader is invariably confused.

Good quotes:
"To tell the truth is a very difficult thing; and young people are rarely capable of it." (p.217)

War, 1:
Russia, Austria, and the Grand Coalition are at war with Napoleon. Here we have the setup and execution of the Battle of Austerlitz, considered by many to be Napoleon's greatest victory (though Tolstoy will go to incessant lengths to prove that he's a very short French idiot who happened to have his miniscule frame in the right place at the right time as per the laws of history). Andrey and Nikolay are both serving in the army, Andrey as a adjutant on one of the generals, Nikolay as a cavalryman looking for the thick of the action. Andrey and his general think the whole battle of Austerlitz as planned by the brilliant tacticians is a bad mistake, but the czar adopts the plan and the Coalition troops go into battle, falling perfectly into the traps Napoleon sets, who then waves his very very very very very very small white hand (and you know what a very very very very very very small white hand means? don't you?) and proceeds to obliterate them. Andrey is caught in the thick of action and being the true noble he is grabs the standard of his troops and rushes at the enemy. He is wounded and prepares for the inevitable death awaiting him and __ thousands of other innocent young men. In this state he has a revelation, quoting from the book:

(Napoleon and two adjutants ride upon Andrey's dying body)
"That's a fine death!" said Napoleon, looking at Bolkonsky. Prince Andrey (I forgot to mention everyone in this book is royalty, because, you know, peasants aren't cool) knew it was said of him, and that it was Napoleon saying it....he heard the words as he heard the buzzing of the flies. It was not merely that he took no interest in them, but he did not attend to them and at once forgot them. There was a burning pain in his head; he felt he was losing blood, and he saw above him the high, far-away, everlasting sky. He knew it was Napoleon, his hero, but at that moment Napoleon seemed to him such a small, insignificant creature in comparison with what was passing between his soul and that lofty, limitless sky with the clouds flying over it....

So that's that. Austerlitz is lost, Nikolay manages to survive and distinguish himself, Russia makes peace with France, and everything returns to normal.

Peace, 2:
Everything returns to 'normal'. Pierre, who in previous times has been unhappily married to the supposed most intelligent woman in Petersburg, continues to struggle finding happiness in life. He has an impressive interview with a Russian Mason, who encourages him to join the Masons and gives him quite the personal sermon. Excerpt of the same:

"I would never be so bold as to say I know the truth," said the mason...."No one alone can attain truth; only stone upon stone, with the cooperation of all, by the millions of generations from our first father Adam down to our day is that temple being reared that should be a fitting dwelling-place of the Great God." (p.318)

The interview changes the course of Pierre's life. He joins the Masons and tries to find meaning in their rituals and symbolism (which ultimately falls short of its mark).

Other things happen, but the most notable in my mind is that PRINCE ANDREY DOESN'T DIE! He returns to his family and falls in love with Natasha. The Natasha-Andrey episode is a love story worthy of a brief sumalysis (summary + analysis):
Andrey is embittered after his survival of Austerlitz. He doesn't care for God, his friends, and or those outside of his family. His love for Natasha gives him new hope. He loves her purely despite her lack of anything other than a pretty voice and looks, which any male will find typically noble of the male race, and any girl will find condescending and offensive (not really, but I need a contrast). The only proviso is: that his father (who is even more bitter than his son) wants them to wait a year. In the meantime, Andrey goes traveling abroad. While he's off, Natasha is seduced by a loser and a failure named Anatole Kuragin (don't worry, he gets his later) because of his good looks and charm despite his total lack of depth. The whole marriage proposal falls apart, and Andrey is left even more embittered and Natasha is left hollowed out emotionally and abandoned by her promised lover.

War, 2:
WAR AGAIN! Napoleon, despite his entreaties and promises, invades Russia on a weak pretext and launches his 600,000 troops at the Russian Empire intent on occupying Moskva and annihilating the opposing forces. All the main heroes are again involved, and despite Andrey's disillusionment with the army and all things he previously considered important, he joins the military and is placed in command of a regiment on the front line. Despite the foolish attempts of certain generals to engage Napoleon in a battle which would only be disastrous to the Russian campaign, the Russian forces manage a general retreat back towards the outskirts of Moskva which climaxes in Napoleon's capture of the sacred city and the battle of Borodino.

The battle of Borodino is the scene of the Russian stand where despite the brilliant calculations of Napoleon the Russian line endures strong and ultimately holds the French from taking the field. We see dramatic scenes of bravery from all our major male characters: Pierre, taking up arms in defense of his city, stands with artillerymen blasting away at the French position, Nikolay bravely rides his horse against the foe, and our my dear Andrey commands his regiment with dauntless bravado. Alas, a grenade from the dastardly French cannons falls on Andrey's regiment position and badly wounds him.

The battle itself is a success for the Russians. Despite their heavy losses they held the French who suffered heavy casualties themselves and ultimately lack the force to sustain their campaign and must begin the long retreat.

Pierre, who has been captured by the French, is, along with hundreds of thousands of troops, retreating across the ever-chilling Russian frontier, and disaster is laid for their descent all along the way. Lots of things happen, but this post is already insanely long, most aren't reading it even at this stage, and therefore we shall skip to:

Peace, 3:

In our third episode of peace we see the ascent and conclusion of many things: Andrey's death after finally uncovering the importance of love, Pierre's discovery of the meaning of life in the simple appreciation of one's existence and environment, and everyone still alive after ten years of bitter war and bloodshed gets married to each other.

LESSONS LEARNED:

Tolstoy's thesis is a theory of historical interpretation. He maintains throughout the book that the illusion of control posited by Napoleon and his Russian nemesis(s) is completely false, and that it is the individual decisions of the individuals acting in certain places which really matters. There is obviously way more to this than that, but this is the first time I've read the book, and a more complete understanding will have to be discovered in subsequent readings.

Tolstoy also wants to impress upon the reader the lesson learned by Pierre, that the simple life is the good life, that the peasant is the hero, and the noble is just diluting himself and corrupting his soul. In this I take issue with Tolstoy, but we'll leave that to the comment section.

REVIEW:

War and Peace was completely worth the time spent reading it. It's long. Very very very very very very long (almost in exact inverse to Napoleon's hands being very very very very very very small). I struggled to enjoy it for the first 250 pages, but then the battles start and it becomes both beautiful in narrative, gripping in action, and revealing in the nature of existence. I learned things about myself reading this book, and any book that does that is worth your time.

I also learned a lot about the philosophy of history. I don't agree with everything Tolstoy said, but it requires some serious mulling. Do human beings really have any free will? How is that will defined? When are we free and when are we agents to be acted upon?

In conclusion, I want everyone to read this book. If you've already read it, read it again. You'll get more out of it. Tolstoy's an engaging and brilliant writer, and you'll come away from the book better than you started. I haven't done it justice, but several sections of the book are some of the best emotional writing that I've ever seen, and it completely captivates you.

I've heard that Anna Kanerina is a better book, but I think that depends on your perspective. War and Peace is a historical fiction, presenting both a historical thesis of interpretation along with gripping love, battle, and family scenes. I haven't read Anna Kanerina, but I doubt it is quite as broad in its scope. Nevertheless, I look to read it too one day and shall give a more fair assessment.

"Moby Dick" or "The Whale".

2010-06-04T17:49:00.000-06:00

"Hast Seen the White Whale?"

In Moby Dick the narrator Ismael sets sail with his new found friend Queequeg (a cannibal/Polynesian/harpooner) on the Pequod. The Pequod is captained by Ahab (a monomaniac (a type of paranoia in which the patient has only one idea or type of ideas)).

The first mate is Starbuck (an upright and strict Quaker) and the second mate is Stubb (my favorite character. A happy go lucky guy that is always doing something funny).

There are others but basically they set sail and find out that Captain Ahab is obsessed with catching Moby Dick who happened to take his leg the last time he went whaling.

The whole book is Ahab searching for Moby Dick, Starbuck trying to convince him not to, and Stub entertaining the crew and indeed the reader.

In the end Ahab is consumed by revenge aka he harpoons Moby Dick and gets caught up, thus plunging to a watery grave alongside his ship, his crew, and his foe Moby Dick. Everyone except Ishmael dies. He floats away on Queequeg's coffin (which after Queequeg decided not to die from his previous sickness had been made into a life boat).

Ironically Ismael is picked up by the boat Rachel which had been scouring the seas searching for the captains son, which Ahab had to refuse to look for because he was so mad with revenge.

I just finished it and I will say that if you plan on reading Moby Dick you have to have

1) Patience
2) Intelligence

Patience to make it through the extremely dry and detailed descriptions of the whaling process and intelligence enough to remember all of those dry details for future reference. (Lets just say I had to reread a few sections and almost didn't make it...as I lack...both of the above attributes)

The basic plot line is simple enough, but the impact and meaning of the book is lost if you don't pay attention to the seemingly unrelated tangents.

I thought it was kind of fun. There are a bunch of random facts that I really enjoyed and the story line was entertaining and extremely epic!

***Funny side note apparently when Moby Dick was first released in England, the publisher forgot to print the epilogue (which contains Ismael surviving and being saved). Everyone freaked out and said it was a dumb book that didn't make sense because it was narrated by a dead guy.

We the People

2010-05-26T11:32:00.004-06:00

So, in the spirit of patriotism, and with a desire to become an Informed American Citizen, I just read American Creation: Triumphs and Tragedies at the Founding of the Republic, by Joseph J. Ellis. In this book, Ellis selects a handful of key events and orchestrations that were pivotal in the formation of the United States, and re-tells them from a fresh, realistic (rather than idealized) perspective.

Reading this book made me realize how little I actually know about American history, more than anything else. What I know, I learned from Russ Judd's class in high school, a course I took in college, and watching half of the HBO mini-series, "John Adams." So I certainly feel enlightened after finishing American Creation, but I've got a ways to go yet.

I have also decided that Thomas Jefferson is no longer my favorite Founding Father. I will probably end up giving that illustrious title to John Adams, but James Madison is also in the running.

Anyway! If you like American history and hilarity, I recommend looking at this and that. Genius!

The multipost

2010-05-20T08:48:00.005-06:00

Okay, so I realized that I don't have the patience or skill to write as many full-fledged posts as are required for the books I've read and manage to keep them interesting, so I'm just going to cover all of them in the first installment of 'Luke Lazily Summarizes All The Books He's Recently Read Using A Series Of Mini-Posts'! Hold onto your butts.

Haunted
Who wrote it? - Chuck Palahniuk, the master of presenting unlikable characters you eventually sympathize with.
What is it? - A series of short stories, each one more gruesome, visceral, and disturbing than the last - which is pretty bad, considering the fact that the first story was enough to make me want to claw my eyes out and never eat anything again.
Here are a few of the stories I can tell you about that aren't too bad compared to the other stories: a chef who goes around the country butchering people who write bad reviews about his restaurant on the internet; a woman who goes to the tops of hills in her city and throws down bowling balls, causing destruction and death to whoever gets in their paths; a man who has to chew through his lower intestine to save himself from drowning; and a group of brothers who were imprisoned in a German POW camp during WWII and watched the captain of the camp sexually exploit and then murder countless women prisoners.
How is it? - Well, that depends. If you like Palahniuk (and I'm suspecting that all the readers of this blog don't) then you'd love this, even though it might turn your stomach a little. If you're uninitiated to his work, then this is definitely not the book to introduce yourself to Chucky Boy. Also don't read it if you believe in God, are an optimist, dislike throwing up, like puppies and babies, or ultimately think that humans are good by nature. But hey, I liked it.

Survivor
Who wrote it? - Palahniuk again.
What is it? - The story of a member of a death cult who becomes a media sensation and a savior to millions. The book opens with him narrating his life story aboard a plane that's on an inevitable crash course into the desert. And what a story it is - he talks about his origins and raising in the death cult, his introduction into the outside world, the subsequent slave wage jobs he has to take up (as do all outside members of the cult), and his fifteen minutes of fame once he is the last surviving member of his cult once every follower commits suicide, believing that the Rapture is upon them.
How is it? - Quite wonderful. The book tackles a variety of modern day issues (ennui, isolation, information overload), but most successfully it exposes the superficiality of the media which we allow to dominate our lives. Once the cult the protagonist belongs to wipes itself out a number of people contact him and tell him that now's his moment to become famous as a man who survived against all odds. So he becomes a televangelist of sorts, preaching to packed auditoriums of people about his life in the cult and the horrors he had to endure - horrors his press agents make up. He soon gains a following and becomes a sensation, with people buying his books and weeping in his presence. He becomes a modern Christ-like figure, in a way. But he's no more worthy of worship than anyone else, nothing sets him apart from his fellow men. He's not intelligent, charismatic, wise, or talented - in fact, he's a pretty pathetic and unlikable character. But he happens to be just the right guy at the right time. Palahniuk is a master of revealing uncomfortable truths about our society and its many trappings, and even if you don't like his books or agree with his views you're at least going to be doing some thinking after you read his stuff.

A Confederacy Of Dunces
Who wrote it? - John Kennedy Toole, who committed suicide after writing only two novels (this one and Neon Bible).
What is it? - A comedy about a bloated blowhard by the name of Ignatius Reilly who believes himself to be the greatest philosophical genius the world has ever known, a culmination of all the intellectual efforts achievements of mankind. But in reality, he's an unemployed thirty year-old college graduate who still lives with his mother and does nothing besides sit around his house, eating and lamenting how hard it is to be the only intelligent person in a world full of fools. But all that changes when his mother gets drunk and wrecks the car into a building which forces Ignatius to get a job if he wants to continue living in his house. Of course, his ego and high opinion of himself means he's always doing whatever job he gets according to how he thinks it should be done and as a result he's constantly getting fired. Throughout the course of the book he's always meeting new people and affecting their lives in ways both good and bad.
How is it? - Splendiferious! Besides offering a rich look at late 50's/early 60's New Orleans, the book features a huge, diverse cast of characters who are all as entertaining as they are unique. There's Jones, the Negro who has been recently released from prison and gets a low-paying job cleaning a bar that Ignatius and his mother show up to and get plastered in; the cop who, as a result of trying to arrest Ignatius, loses his esteem and respect in the police force and so must go and do humiliating undercover work with the intention of arresting prostitutes and/or homosexuals; and of course, Ignatius' mother who loves her son with all of her being despite the fact that he treats her like dirt or worse.
The book is hilarious, well-written, vivid, authentic, and surprisingly poignant in places. Pick it up and thank me later.

The Jungle
Who wrote it? - Upton Sinclair.
What is it? - Oh, don't give me that. You know what it is.
How is it? - Brutal. Much has been said about how this book exposed the disgusting conditions of the meat people were eating, but surprisingly little attention has been paid to the terrible working conditions people faced in the Industrial Age. The factories of early 20th century America were effectively deathtraps meant to lull in unsuspecting immigrants, and once they were worn out by the unreasonable (to put it lightly) hours and incredibly unsafe conditions they were fired and tossed out to make room for the next batch of ignorant immigrants to repeat the cycle all over again.
This book kind of reads like a Dante's Inferno of sorts, with the jobs of each factory representing another level of Hell with its own unique horrors. For example: the ones who stir the vats of chemicals used to treat the meat occasionally fall in and are only fished out once the vats are drained and the liquid shipped out, and by that time little is left of the worker but the bones; the ones who have to decapitate the carcasses of the animals up sometimes accidentally cut themselves which results in infection and eventual amputation; the ones who mop up the bottom floor (where everything drains down to) are constantly walking in acrid chemicals all day and so their shoes eventually disintegrate and their feet become bloody, sore-ridden stumps unfit for them to walk on; and so on. There's a rather grim part that talks about how you can identify what job a certain person works based on what physical afflictions they have. And what's worse, when someone dies on the job their loved ones aren't even informed since that would risk someone snooping into the inner workings of the factory. Overall, this is a wonderfully detailed picture of the workingman's life in the Industrial Age, when profits of the few were made on the bones and blood of the many poor.
The only gripe I really have with it is the it loses its effectiveness somewhat in the final act, when the main character joins the Socialist Party and the rest of the book becomes a series of pedantic speeches, extolling the virtues of mutual ownership and the evils of competition. It's too bad because the book packs such a punch up to this point, but once he becomes a Socialist it becomes unrealistic and preachy like a Michael Moore movie made in 1905. Still, it deserves to be read, if only for the fact that it paints such a natural portrait of its subject matter.

That's all for now, but I'll return with more eventually. Just as soon as there's nothing good on TV.

Guess What!

2010-05-17T14:57:00.003-06:00

I have finished a book, that's what! The Color Purple by Alice Walker.

(Not to say that I haven't read any other books between my last post and this one, just that the books I have read were of the more embarrassing, young adult variety, and would probably be frowned on in this circle).

Anyhoo, The Color Purple is a book about a black lady named Celie who grows up in the South and has a pretty terrible life, until she meets Shug Avery ("Shug" being pronounced like the first syllable of the word "sugar") and learns how to love and get close to God and other such business.

For some reason, I really enjoy books that are set in the South. Not enjoy, exactly, but...I eat them right up. Sort of like how some people like books about the Holocaust. The racism and insanity of the old South depresses me, but it also captures my attention, for some reason. That was what drew me to The Color Purple, anyway. It was a different experience--Walker writes it in the dialect of a black Southern person, so at times it was hard to read. It was short(ish) (about 250 pages), so I breezed through it in a couple of days. All in all, it was a good little read to kick-start my summer.

(Also, I got it from the Coalville library, which is probably my number one favorite thing about being home. I love that library, as small and hokey as it is.)

(Also, did you know that Oprah starred in the 1985 movie version of The Color Purple, directed by Steven Spielberg? I haven't seen it.)

sad news

2010-05-06T11:13:00.002-06:00

i'm currently reading "mere christianity", and will be blogging about it and several other books next week once everything settles down, but i have just realized a very very sad thing.

catholicism produced: j.r.r. tolkien

anglicanism produced: c.s. lewis

mormonism produced: stephanie meyer

if that doesn't make anyone want to cry i don't know what will. my testimony just had a little shaking.

kenny

Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll!!

2010-04-27T17:21:00.006-06:00

The Other Boleyn Girl was a different view of merry Ole England than 1984. Though it was almost as dark at times. To be honest my heart isn't really in this post. Don't misunderstand, the book was good in a historical romance novel type of way, but it fizzed at the end and has left me a little dry. The narrator for this book is Anne's younger sister Mary, in the film played by Scarlett Johansson, but she doesn't narrate the film. Now I'm not sure how I feel about this quasi first person way which Ms. Phillipa uses. Because it's obvious that she wants to tell the story from a lesser known character's point of view, and as such invent an interesting new character. Where I distaste such an approach is that Phillipa has her narrators quite naive to the torrid turmoil of the royal court. But for all their innocence they are very aware of how the whole affair is unfolding. Also there are lapses where the narrator describes things in 1st person that she didn't experience in 1st person. Conversely the reader and the narrator are at other times jointly kept in the dark about some shady dealings of the other characters. These inconsistencies don't really bother me they're just stylistic hazards.

As the narrator Mary Boleyn(pictured here) really steals the story. Anne Boleyn is the classic historical character but she really takes a back seat in this book. It is called The Other Boleyn Girl because the two sisters are rivals. At first Mary is King Henry's lover and Anne is overshadowed, then they switch places as Anne steals the King's attention. The images of these historical characters is very engaging, but initially the part I wanted to get to was Anne and Henry's marriage. This also brings me to my major problem with the book. The book annoyingly stalls out along with Henry and Anne's wedding. It just blah blahs along while Henry tries to divorce his first wife. Then it just glazes over their wedding. Somewhere in all of this the book hits its climax when Mary courts and marries William Stafford. Once this happened I was satisfied and disconnected from the story which just fell apart along with Anne's life. By the time they chopped her head off I didn't care and could have chopped the book up without much remorse.

Overall King Henry was kind of a major douche, shagging any girl flaunted in front of him. The Other Boleyn Girl tries to throw in some medieval feminism but whatever. It peaks early and is very good up to that point. Then an overly long fizz follows. Dragging so much that I didn't really care who lost their head. At least I now know some good methods for flirtatiously snagging power men, so look out Luke!